To Myself

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Chapter 23: To Myself

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In heavens arena, the battle room of the 227th floor was as full by the audience as always.

Though disappointed looks could be noticed all over the audience as they're looking at the stage yet none seem to utter a word of complaint as silence enveloped the whole room.

On the stage, a black-haired young boy could be seen standing there along with a look of boredom on his face though an air of chilliness surrounds him, a chilliness that extended its clutches to the whole room.

"IT SEEMS THAT YASUO WON AGAIN BY WITHDRAWAL COMPLETING TEN VICTORIES IN A ROW GRANTING HIM THE CHANCE TO CHALLENGE A FLOOR MASTER!!!!"

The young boy is none other than me as I paid no further attention to the commentator and turned around leaving.

It's been six months, a fruitful yet disappointing six months, disappointing since all the three last matches I won by withdrawal.

I was really looking forward to more strong test subjects and I was planning on letting off some steam on them but I guess my reputation precedes me.

Anyway considering my last stepback which I took to heart, It'll only make sense for me to push myself even more.

And I did just that as the six months ended up being the most painful and annoying months of my life even compared to the training at home and while the pain didn't faze me at all, I still felt it clearly.

In fact, I felt it clearer than ever which is the effect of my extreme concentration for the past six months.

I reached my house, closed the door then stood in the room, I brought my right hand to cover my face as I thought back on the past months.

I asked my father to send me new weighted clothing reaching about 10 tons and pushed my speed much higher than It was at the cost of several continuous sleepless nights, at the cost of rarely ever sleeping for the past months, and that put a heavy burden on my mind.

Even worse, I felt like food which is something I love and enjoy, I felt like it became a waste of time and since I asked my father to send me more lethal doses of poison, I was in constant pain as whenever I get used to it, I increase the lethality.

I spent most of the day in the forest pushing my En further and doing the usual Netero exercise in my style.

As I make my hands sharper I used 'Ko' on one of them then strike in front of me, I then use 'Ko' on the other hand and do the same until I fully expend my Aura pool. Then I enter Zetsu and continue until I regenerate my Aura then use 'Ko' again.

These cycles usually continued for days until I come to the brink of passing out, this is the only signal that makes me go back Home and sleep only to wake up in a few hours and repeat the same process, I was quite uncomfortable and annoyed.

Yet one thing that didn't change across the past months, my expressionless face though with a hint of annoyance apparent within.

For something like a minor to affect me this much, this isn't like me at all, while I was a little bit of a controlling person in my past life it was still nowhere near this.

I guess getting reborn in another had some effect on me, I felt like If I failed at anything then I'll be giving up the chance of living in such a beautiful and fascinating world.

Failing in such an obscure thing was always a possibility, but what the failure meant to me is what made me this uncomfortable and annoyed, I guess I still had some oppressed emotions after coming to this world just waiting to be liberated.

It meant that failure is an option to me and this is a mistake, failure shouldn't be an option as a researcher is what I'm, I only have to do more research until the obscure becomes known and the impossible becomes possible.

"HAHAHAHA...HAHAHA HAHAHA...Yasuo oh Yasuo, I lost control in the first step back I faced." I laughed at my annoyance giving a bit more color to my face until my laugher turned into a sudden calmness.

Calmness as the chilliness and the gloominess surrounding me disappeared leaving a comfortably tranquil air that enveloped me as a serene smile surfaced on my face.

I lifted my looking at my pale palm which wasn't affected by training at all, still as soft as ever, negative rose is doing what it's supposed to, keeping me always in my prime.

I was waiting for the day I emerge victorious against myself and gain absolute control over myself, this stepback could be said to be an opportunity.

It's better to face a step back now than later in life for the cost at that point in time will possibly be heftier which I can't allow.

I closed my eyes for a while then I started to calmly ruminate about myself.

Just what happened to my motto from my last life? My happiness comes first before anything else, I only do things I enjoy and like except in special cases but even in such cases, I can never ever push myself this far.

Food is a delicacy I enjoy, pain is something I hate, cleanliness is a commitment I'm comfortable with yet I feel soo dirty, I feel too uncomfortable and annoyed, this wasn't supposed to happen in the first place but to a certain extent, it's a good thing.

I closed my eyes for a few minutes then I took my weighted clothes off and headed to the shower room.

I took a long Hot comfortable shower before changing into comfortable normal clothes with a black coat on top, I then sauntered to a nearby restaurant.

I put my coat to the side then I took a seat and ordered a few dishes, then I ate slowly making sure to enjoy every bite, akin to a person eating previous heavenly fruits slowly.

Afraid he will eat all the fruits too fast but their heavenly taste and scent were too tempting to miss, a bite drives the person to take another bite, enjoying the unearthly dishes.

It took a while but eventually, Yasuo finished the feast leaving a satisfied smile on his face before he went back to his house directly to drift into the land of dreams.

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I slept for three days straight only to wake up feeling better than ever, I had my morning coffee, slowly enjoying every moment and every sip with a smile adorning my pale face.

I closed my eyes after I sitting down in a meditative position, sometimes you just have to relax, enjoy yourself some more then answers come naturally, it's really not that hard to get what I want.

My determination just wasn't enough, of course, it's not that easy since it's not equivalent exchange if I'm the one in need.

That's why I decided to give up ever being able to use emission and transmutation which amount to 140% much higher than the needed 60% in enhancement, but that's still not instrumental enough to me so I just need more.

Perhaps it's not about trading something for something else, it's about proving how far I'm willing to go. Nen is an extension of one's will so it's about me.

I'm not that interested in emission but transmutation is too useful for me so I thought that'd be enough.

This is a vow that I planned to make anyway though for something else but I guess I have to do it now.

I was just hesitating because after making the vow, there will be no chance of return or going back on it.

I'm not interested in learning from my mistakes, I want to predict these mistakes and eliminate them so this Vow is necessary.

To reach a height none other can reach, one needs to make sacrifices. I don't want to make any sacrifice that will affect my emotions negatively, nothing tangible.

What I want is a possibility, if something were to happen, there will be a corresponding outcome. Just like the rule of for every action, there is a reaction.

I need to prove my determination to myself.

A strange atmosphere enveloped the house as I started what I wanted to do.

My Willpower is proven...

My emotion is my desire, and I desire a 100% compatibility in enhancement...

My determination is what I need to prove and the following Vow shall prove it shaping my future with it, 'I Vow...'