Delivery

Rod was coming, I knew he was.

I use to see my husband drink the alcohol too casually and had to have it once upon a time. He came home and had been in Kuwait at Camp Arifjan, and Destiny had mentioned being there in the journal.

It was getting closer to Christmas, Trudy came, but without my children which totally devastated me, it was beginning to seem like she didn't want them to see me. I had called them and heard their voices but the conversations were short and I could sense disgust in her voice. That only fueled my rage, she couldn't TAKE MY KIDS! I wanted them home.

I didn't have the job anymore and had quit out of spite, Jachin could never walk up on me again and also I could be seen from the intersection, like he said. He had interrupted my life and I was angry. I had driven by his home quite a few times, I had even seen his mother when she returned. He couldn't have even been in town still! As the days passed the terror I had been stricken with had subsided somewhat and I could function more appropriately and try to eat. There was no question about it, Rod was guilty, he had had an affair but h hadn't killed any one and I read the journal, she wasn't a saint! Roger West had orchestrated it all, he knew Rod and I were married! Her daughter had been to their home and I was sure Olivia still took her there.

The white car hadn't been at Renell's and I had driven by again, it had an Ohio license plate and so did Jachin's Infiniti, there was a glimmer of hope that had surfaced and my soul rejoiced; the desire to see Jachin was commanding and I wanted to ring the doorbell but I was so emotional I would only breakdown after seeing him, I didn't wanna seem as insane as Trudy said I was. I needed him and the depression had me out of character. I was dying to ring the door bell but the fear of looking in his father's face tormented me.

I remembered the journal entry, "I drove 8 hours just to see his house and his wife? I could only ask for directions after she stopped and stared at the car while I was parked in the circle, I said thank u and drove in the opposite direction. If they are together just for the children why does she look so happy?" I had blanked out at the stop sign and realized again that I had seen this girl and tried to remember. I had found a memorial account for her and finally had seen a more recent picture of her, she wore braces and had a confident smile. Instead of continuing the four blocks on Moss drive to the main street I did a U turn in the 4 way, to drive back past Jachin's, hadn't he said he had come to take care of his mother, was she better? The Christmas lights decorated the neighborhood and the scenery sickened me, fuck Christmas. I got even with the house and the door opened, a young woman came out and Jachin followed; his car wasn't present at the home. Unintentionally, I slowed down and looked right at him through the tint; he noticed my car, but walked to the passenger door of the car with the out of state license plate and opened it for the woman to get inside never taking his eyes off of me. I stopped.

He walked around to the driver's side of the white car and got inside. I sat until he backed out and went the other way, I was frozen. Finally I pressed the gas pedal with my shaking foot and drove away. I blanked out and didn't even remember the drive home, why did it hurt to see him so bad!!? He recognized my car, I knew he did! I went inside and wanted something, I wanted the brandy and the gin, whatever could reach the pain, I wanted all of it! I tried to touch the ache myself with my hands and it was too deep. I wanted to just take it out, I wanted to hold it and look at it, I had to be able to lay eyes on it because it was tangible and alive eating my ass up; I hadn't signed up for that shit and pain can easily eliminate fear.

I drove past the house again, at 9:15, 9:57, 10:16, 10:29, 2:04, 2:38, 2:50 and rode until I went to sleep at the red light by my job six minutes away; the police knocked on my window. "MA'AM! ARE U DRUNK? GET OUT OF THE VEHICLE!" and had been knocking for a while.

"WHAT? I'M NOT DRUNK, I'M GOING TO WORK!"

"U SMELL LIKE SOMEONE POURED LIQUOR ALL OVER U, LICENSE AND PROOF OF INSURANCE AND REGISTRATION." I just sat down on the line since I couldn't walk it, told them the Mob was after me and they just took my sloppy drunk ass to jail.

The biggest mistake I could have made was mentioning Roger.

I was taken to a holding tank, too drunk to even be afraid of jail and boiling hot in the collar! Who was that heffer Jachin was with!!? I had acted a plumb fool when they tried to put me in the police car and I was too drunk to even remember. I had enough money to bond myself out on the DWI charge after 72 hours when I realized I wasn't in the penitentiary but couldn't stop crying to even understand how to get out of jail, after three more days and getting my hair braided to the back by a lesbian named Monopoly Money with a front tooth missing I was free; and back on Moss Drive. Where the hell was Jachin!? I was going to fuck him up! He had hurt me so bad! I would pull over and cry, at times I couldn't drive for the ache inside.

I recovered my car from the impound and had gone there, twice, and I saw no cars but the mailbox was nearly running over so I took the mail. My court date was 6 weeks away and Christmas was in only one week. I didn't have my babies so I got drunk again, I tried to pray but was too drunk also I was too drunk to stalk Jachin, not that I had learned a lesson but because I was simply too drunk to stalk Jachin! I woke up that night at 1 a.m. and found my phone in the toilet. I was physically drained and horny as hell but I couldn't let Destiny win, not then, not now, not never. I put the gun down from my temple, got dressed for work to go to bed.

The next morning I showered, ate the scrambled eggs and raisin toast, there was an eerie feeling that had come over me, I credited it toward being conviction but I was acting accordingly! Was I a joke? I had been the best wife, I was GOOD! Nobody could tell me anything about my husband because he was an accomplished man, modest and God fearing and he was MINE! He wouldn't jeopardize what we had and I had proof that he didn't love her! I had proof he didn't, and I needed to tell Jachin, he had me twisted! He couldn't protect me, I didn't need protecting! I snatched my purse from the back of the chair remembering Grandma's words, "U got him by his coattail now bet not never divorce him neither, somethin happen to him u ain't gotta work another day in ya life and don't forget who been there for ya when it happen, give him many chilren as ya can."

So I did.

Certain thoughts came and I would breakdown and fall where ever I stood. I could never speak to my mother again because I had been prohibited a long time ago, and the hate toward her in Grandma's house was prevalent when I was growing up. I often remembered the night she came in the rain, Grandma would have disowned me too if I would have let her in, she had walked 8 miles and wanted to get back in church, she said.

I would ride past her on the standing on the corner holding the big beer cans in the brown paper bags like she didn't exist and Rod would see her too and not mention it, the car would always get quiet and I couldn't go to that part of town without him.

"DADDY, EWWW! WHO IS THAT!?"

"Nobody Ava, don't point at people, u will end up like them."

"EWWWW! NOOO! I will not look like an old ugly witch!"

Hell, mama was 39.

I opened the door after I ate and reached to get the mail, Rod had written a letter and I had left it in the box for a week, I finally laid it on the kitchen table tempted to set fire to it and went to the bedroom, too weak to get dressed. The depression was controlling, now I was beginning to feel my babies were safer away from me but I wanted to hear their voices. After reading the journal I would become troubled by her words and I had come to realize Destiny loved her daughter but people had been disappointed with her decision to keep her and it made me wonder why didn't her grandmother have her own and only granddaughter?

While looking for something to wear to Moss Drive and a pair of matching shoes I felt the wind tunnel enter into the home, I still sat in the towel on the bed, now scared as hell---again. Had I left the door unlocked after getting the mail? I tightened the towel and didn't know who had come in, if anybody--but after I didn't hear anyone and no monster appeared I got up with plans to quickly leave, even the false alarms would make me flee my own home. I felt the heat pouring from the vent overhead and determined the wind tunnel I thought I heard and felt was only the central heating; for God's sake it was broad daylight!

I loved my husband, but I just couldn't communicate with him right then he just didn't know how bad he had hurt me. I refused to read his letter! Jachin had only added insult to injury, he couldn't come in my life, sprinkle sugar on shit and leave! I walked in the closet and looked at all the clothes that I had pulled from the hangers and the shelves piled on the floor, I didn't have the energy to clean up! I stood in the closet crying looking at the mess after I had told myself it would be a good day! FUCK ROD! AND JACHIN! I would show his black ass!

I slid the hangers on the rods looking for something decent and found the slacks and button down blouse, I needed to at least go shopping for my babies and take them the gifts, if nothing else, after I rode by Jachin's. I walked out the closet and closed the door wondering why he said he had seen Rod twice and it took me a while to figure out he had delivered her body home after she committed suicide, it disturbed me. I put on the clothes, went to the bar, turned up the wine bottle and emptied it I decided against the small amount of brandy that was left. I brushed my teeth and was headed toward the front door but needed the scarf from the closet shelf. I grabbed it, stepped out of the closet and Jachin stood behind the door holding a glass of raw eggs, "U wanna kiss me before I drink this?"

Yes I wanna kiss u.

Speechless I kissed him on the lips, and he held my bottom lip with his teeth, "I brought u something, Merry Christmas. I would say put it under the tree but u don't have one, don't open it until Christmas."

He had handed me a small plain red box, I accepted it and still hadn't managed to say anything because the emotions were too many at once, was he crazy! Or was I yet!?

"Where ya headed? Let's talk."

Moss Drive...

"Nowhere. I mean I wanted to see my babies today."

"U been drinking?"

"Oh, yea a little."

"At 9 AM?"

"Did time go back?"

"Yea, November 4th."

"Why are u in here?"

"I got tired of being in the kitchen, and your door was unlocked. I can't stay long, but I'm not here on business."

"Where is your girlfriend, did u get rid of her to come say hi?"

"Who is my girlfriend?"

"U KNOW WHO SHE IS! I SAW U! U OPENED THE DOOR FOR HER! GET OUT."

The tears had welled in my eyes I looked away from him he didn't know what I had been through!

"Does it matter?"

"Will u leave, I was fine, I can't take this and I get it now. I don't care anymore, I have nothing left so HERE I AM! I can't even pray anymore."

"Where did u go?"

"When?"

"The night u came by? Hold on, let me rephrase that. The night u saw me."

"Oh, um jail, WHY!"

I had never seen him laugh the way he did and I was angry as hell about it. I still stood in the closet door looking at the glass of eggs I knew damn well he hadn't brought with him.

"Well I'm glad u are free. Come on."

I watched him sat the glass on the nightstand, take off his coat and unwrap the gray scarf around his neck before looking around at the mess and Destiny's journal on my pillow. He didn't even mention it.

"Why did u come back and where have u been?"

"I've been at home and I came back because I missed u, I'm not here on business. I can't sleep so help me sleep."

"She can't help u sleep!? U can't come back in my life I was fine without u!"

"THEN WHY DO U CONSTANTLY RIDE PAST MY HOUSE! U ARE A MARRIED WOMAN REMEMBER!"

"Why are u here, to kill me?"

"The chemistry between us won't allow me to. Your bar is empty also, where's the liquor?"

He sit on my bed and this time it didn't bother me, I sit beside him and wouldn't soften up until he told me how he knew I passed is house so much. He wasn't volunteering the information so I asked, "I saw u from the den."

"Well where was your car!?"

"In the garage, it don't matter, don't say what u don't mean."

He unbuttoned the first two buttons on my shirt and pulled me to him by the collar, "Take it off," he said in my ear, I tried to wipe the chills on my jawline away with my shoulder. It would be misery when he left me unsatisfied but I allowed him to seduce me because when I didn't take off the shirt he snatched it open, I heard the buttons hit the wall. When he did it was different than our prior encounters and he was aggressive. I knew it was real and he wanted me because his mouth was greedy and he had forgot all about the eggs. He had pulled my breasts from my bra holding them together sucking my on nipples and if he didn't please me, I was going to kill him! I heard his hard breathing while he wrestled with the button on my pants, after he couldn't loosen it he tried to stick his hand inside through the waist. I tried to restrain it, "Don't tell me to stop because I need to know why u can't stop passing by my house!" he said before managing to rip the button off the pants and yank them down past my hips while I tried to hold on to them. When he had taken off my snow boots and had managed to take the slacks off he snatched my panties down and off my feet and put them in his pocket before going for the brandy bottle and emptying it. He came back with it in his hand, took off his shirt then his pants, knelt and started kissing my knees; my toes were popping, he grabbed my foot but kept kissing upward before asking me if I wanted him to stop. If he was anything like Rod he would stop before he made it too far up.

"No."

He wrapped his arm around my thigh and pulled me to the edge of Rod's side of the bed. He started kissing my lips and stroking himself, when I felt his tongue sliding up and down my split and in and out I lost it, it went deep and his mouth was wet and hot.

"Why were u looking for me?" he stopped and asked and I couldn't answer, I saw my juices decorating his mouth. I placed my hand between my legs and he restrained it before going back in; I was panting and had never felt that way, it was a much different sex and I tried to push his mouth away when I came but he gripped both of my thighs and pulled me closer before trying to catch it all, with his tongue deeper inside. He stiffened it, moved it back to my clit and circled it until it popped, and he wouldn't stop, I couldn't run because he still held me up off of the bed with his hands under my thighs

"This what u wanted? Is it wet enough or u want me to keep going."

I told him to stop, he continued like he hadn't been fed in a long time, I grabbed his head and it excited him more, but I needed him deep inside of me and kept on reaching for him, "I don't have protection."

WHY NOT! SHIT!!!

I manage to break free, he snatched me back to him but flipped me over like I wasn't 170 pounds and stroked my pussy without penetrating me, I felt his movement and was overflowing, and felt my juices against the back of his hand sliding against my ass. Had I committed adultery yet? I was about to fuck Jachin like it was in God's will. I kept bumping against him and I could tell he wanted it, his dick was throbbing against me when he'd let it go to witness my frenzy. He had punished me and still was!

"U need to leave him," he whispered and I damn near agreed but all I could say was "please".

He was mimicking all the motions but wouldn't penetrate me! I was getting upset and becoming dominant, I reached under me trying to please myself, he grabbed both my arms and put them behind my back, I had fallen on my shoulders, "PLEASE! WHY U DOING THIS!"

"U want me? U need to really want me and what come with wanting me because I want u, really want u."

"Yes Jachin."

"Oooh...say it again," now he'd laid down on my back and whispered against my ear and I couldn't say it again because my jaws were locked up.

"Say my name Japonica," I tried but I couldn't because of the chills all over my body and his motion while he was stroking his crooked his dick against my thighs. He laid on my back, I tried to get up on my left knee, while he stroked. My thighs were so wet and he knew what he was doing!

He put his hand under my stomach, kissed my shoulders and then said in my ear, "I'm not stopping."

"Don't stop. Just keep going."

"U want me to? Say it."

Maybe I didn't understand.

"I want u Jachin."

When he entered me from behind I immediately released and gripped his dick, he laid on my back while I tried to run, "Come back, where u going? U miss me? Can u handle me, I don't think u can."

He opened me up and went deeper and I just kept contracting around his dick.

"Why u crying? Am I hurting u?"

I didn't even know I was crying, because his roughness was pleasure while he was going in and out of my back, "U can't feel this way without a chemistry. Is it mine? Tell me its MINE!"

"Yes Jachin."

He moaned and I started throwing my ass at him, he pulled out I reached behind me and put him back in, and kept throwing my ass against his lap until he exploded and kept going. I remember being in that position for almost another hour while he kept asking me was it his. We both went to sleep afterward, the eggs were still on the night stand.

When I woke up, Jachin wasn't beside me, and I could still feel him deep. Why had he left me? I needed more of him, it was so intense, and I had never experienced intensity. I didn't have a phone and didn't know what time it was. I heard movement and knew then Jachin wasn't gone. I got up, put on the robe and heard male voices after closing the closet door. I panicked and walked to the nightstand; I quietly slid the drawer open for the gun, it was gone, why had he taken the gun?!

"Yea, man glad to be home for the Holidays, I see she got my letter and read it, I can relax for a few days and spend time with the kids and my wife, I love em to death, wouldn't trade em for the world. Ok, take care, u coming by for Christmas dinner? Really weird, I'm sure I've seen u out and about somewhere and didn't even know u were her brother. Thank u for decorating the house, hanging the lights--"

"No problem, Ill take care of her. We're pretty close now, she's just hard to please but I'll do my best."

Rod laughed, "Well good seeing ya, hope to see u again soon."

"U will definitely, I'll still be around. Maybe we can hang out on Christmas Eve."

"Sounds like a plan."

I listened to Rod conceal his anger so I decided to conceal mine.