Hollow reality

Perspective : Regina Clement

I wondered why he left?

Did he not like the way I fed him?

"I am hopeless,.... aren't I ?".

"I know this relationship cannot go anywhere.... but yet, I still keep try'in, burden him?".

As I washed my hands, Thor Gild came limping towards me, he was breathing heavily, as if he had ran towards me in a hurry, with his eyes wide opened as if he were to see a ghost.

While panting, in a shuttering voice he said,

"Conrad.... Conrad, he is ... acting strange".

i asked,

"What do you mean by strange?".

As he replied, I found that my deepest fears had resurfaced.

"He has this hollow intense look on his face, he is crying tears but yet he is smiling , and he keeps shouting like a mad man".

"I don't know, what is happening.... but If it's my fault, I am deeply sorry".

"Please go to him and help him .... I beg of you".

He said that while bowing to me.

As soon as I heard that, I went running towards Conrad.

I knew what he meant?

And yet I had to check that for myself?

What caused him to break this time?

As I went near him a haunting cry pierced the air,

resonating with an unmistakable sense of pain and suffering, His eyes were wide and unblinking, blood dripped down his face, tracing a path from his nose, a swollen right cheek, he was sitting at the ledge of our carriage, his hands rested on his cheeks, his touch pulling down his skin.

"I couldn't bare to see him like this".

So, I slowly approached him, one step at a time.

He shouted,

"Go away.... Go away".

"It hurts .... it hurts".

I re assured him,

"Don't worry! .... your pain will soon disappear".

I widened my arms, as I gently embraced him.

It was the same, as before.

"Why does this keep happening?".

"Sister.... forgive me!".

"I still remember the day it started .... that day was supposed to be our happiest day .... If only he had accepted me".

"Instead I got this curse".

"Of him never acknowledging me .... I thought If I made him fall in love with me .... I could finally make him mine .... but I just made it worse".

"Please sister! forgive me".

{ Past }

It was the night of our engagement.

At that moment he had finally accepted his fate to be with me, It should have been the happiest day of my life.

He had rebelled against our engagement for 6 months, now, I felt he was finally acknowledging me as a woman, my charms had finally gotten through to him.

That night after the engagement, we both were given a room to sleep together.

That night I was going to make him mine.

But fate had other plans for me.

On that dimly lit corner, he slumped, his shoulders weighed down by the weight of his defeat and my victory.

"Now he is finally going to see me as a woman.... instead of calling me his sister".

As I approached him he didn't even put a fight like he had done prior, he simply accepted what was going to happen to him.

"I would finally have my love".

I cautiously approached him, taking one step at a time, as I was only in my night dress, my womanly charms were fully visible. Slowly I trailed my hand from his chest to his face, gently holding his cheeks.

He attempted to resist by turning away, but I didn't allow it. Lowering my face to his, our lips met for a fraction of a blissful second.

As I withdrew my face from his, I saw a look at his face that I hadn't expected.

His eyes were hollow, devoid of any soul. Reminiscent of my sister's lifeless gaze during her funeral, her eyes like his, seemed to follow my every move, her expression like his, judging me, questioning me for my sins. And her lips like his, remained motionless as if silently asking me,

"What had I done?".

That's exactly how hollow Conrad's face appeared.

In fear I instinctively stepped back, but her haunting face continued to haunt my thoughts.

Conrad overwhelmed by the piercing anguish in his mind, lashed out like I had never seen before, his tear filled eyes betrayed a smile upon his face.

As he said,

"This isn't true!".

he shouted,

"Tell me this is a dream!".

With both hands, he started pulling his hair, blood dripping down from his nose. His eyes were wide open, unblinking, as he asked me again and again, "This isn't real, right?' 'I am in a dream".

"That's it... it's a dream... and Regina is still my sister".

As I watched that unfold, I felt a sinister aura coming from Conrad, as if my dead sister herself was standing right beside him, cursing me for her death and,

Stopping me from getting my love.

As I watched, Conrad let out a loud, agonizing scream, like a wild animal in pain.

His voice trembled,

"Arggggggg ....ggggg".

Overwhelmed by his pain that I had caused, he began forcefully banging his head against the floor, forcing blood to trickle down from his wounded head,

He kept banging his head while murmuring,

"If this is just a dream, I need to wake up".

"Wake up ... wake up ... wake up .... wake up .... wake up".

Witnessing his condition It bought tears to my eyes.

So, while he was overwhelmed with distress I slowly approached him.

Forgoing my feelings.

Forgoing my love .

I embraced this side of him, I gently pressed his head in my bosom like, comforting a child I sang for him.

So that the pain and anguish he was suffering would go away.

And then he accepted me,

Not as a lover but his sister,

As I would forever stay by his sight, for his misery is my sin, for his pain is my responsibility, for his anguish is mine, anguish. Forever staying beside him, watching him, but never claiming him, loving him, but never getting back same in return.

*Chuckles*

"What could be more painful then that?".

"Atleast I am the only one who deserves it .... atleast he is mine in that regard".

"For this is my fate".

"For this is my curse".

"For this is my duty".

"And I must atone".

{ Present }

As he laid beside me, I cried at his back, hoping that he would accept me, but knowing full well that it would never happen.

Maybe a part of me still wants him.

"Ohh ... who am I fooling? .... myself".

As I cried, he embraced me.

I know he wouldn't listen but still I confessed to him.

"I love you".

He replied,

"I love you too .... as my sister".

(I don't know what is more painful ... he keeps reminding me .... atleast this once accept my feelings you dumb idiot).

I rejected, knowing full well It won't matter,

"No".

Then once again like moth to a flame, extending my aching conscious, I confessed.

"I love you".

He replied,

"Like a brother right?".

(No)

I rejected,

"No".

That Idiot, as If I said "Yes", he replied,

"You are my precious family .... And I will always love you".

(But I don't want to be just family).

I rejected,

"No".

That night I cried in his warm embrace, till I fell a sleep.

{ Dream }

As I was standing on a lightless void, in a ground full of brown decayed grass, touching my bare feet. Someone was watching the sunset beside me.

In a red sky painted with blood, and a black sun that swallowed light itself.

She stood there, facing the other way.

Her obese figure, that blue hair, reminding of our family heritage, her dress stained with red dew,

her blood mingling with blue, reminiscent of a poison, as her stomach entrails leaked in a surreal blend she turned.

"My sister".

I saw those same eyes tracking me, that same face judging me and that same lips that whispered,

"Why?".

"Why?".

"Why?".

Her face filled with blood.

And as I looked at my hands they too were, drenched in blood.

Step by step she approached me,

I tried to run but as I looked at my feet, those innocent brown grass morphed into a ghastly phalanx of fingers, tightly clutching my feet.

And soon, my sister embraced me, with her blood stained lips whispering gently in my ears.

"Why?".

"Why?".

".....".

I resisted, and yet nothing happened.

{ Reality }

As I woke up from my dream, I found my face drenched in tears, I quickly wiped them off so no one could see.