Being...Friends?

Kelly

I'm still shaking, still trying to find a way to be close to Crash without it breaking me in pieces. But I'm standing in his kitchen and pretty soon he's going to notice how long I've been gone. I swallow back the ache in my throat, trail my hand along the gorgeous granite breakfast bar in his kitchen, and head for the door out to the deck.

I'm taking a deep breath, about to open the sliding door, when I hear their voices, muffled but discernible because I didn't shut the door properly when I went inside. With the sunlight outside, they haven't noticed me standing a couple feet inside the door.

Tommy leans toward Crash. "It took us a week to get her in the door because of you. Hell, she almost refused to come at all. I'm not letting you corner her when she's just starting to relax. Hence, not happening, Crash."

"But—"

Juggling the glass of water and the beer, it takes a second to get the door open, but they both startle as I shove the handle with my elbow.

"What do you want to talk to me about?" I hate that my voice is shaking. "C'mon, Crash. You wanted me here. You keep watching me. And now you're trying to manipulate Tommy. What do you want?"

Crash looks at Tommy then back to me. I hand Tommy his beer and plunk my glass on the table, fold my arms. "Anything you can say to me, you can say to Tommy, too."

He sits back, running a black-nailed hand through his hair. "I wanted to apologize." He's devastating. I try to shrug off the draw I feel to throw myself at him.

"You already did."

"Yeah, but there's a lot more." Crash doesn't break eye-contact. "I want you here. Around. With us. Writing with us. And being here. Friends."

The word falls between us, twitching like an animal in pain.

He tries to recover. "I don't want you to worry. I won't hurt you again. I won't walk away like that again. Ever."

My heart hums. In the ensuing wave of emotion, I have to take a knife to it. Hurt myself with memories. He told me he wanted forever, that he wanted to marry me hours before he broke up with me.

I have no doubt he believes himself right now. But I don't believe him. I can't. "I guess we'll see. Won't we?"

Crash looks away. Calls Coda up so he can scratch the old boy behind the ears and I want to yank the dog away from him.

I can't do this. It hurts too much. "I think it's time to go home." They both whip to face me, protests on their lips. I can't listen. I can't give in. "I'm not mad or anything. I'm just tired. I need some space," I say, my voice getting weaker with every word.

Tommy scowls at Crash, who frowns back. There's an entire conversation in the looks passed between them. Then Crash rubs his hands on his jean-clad thighs.

"Will you come back tomorrow. Please?" he says in a voice that reminds me of when he was thirteen and his voice was breaking.

I hesitate. I have to check every word before I say it, make sure it won't get me into trouble. But even with a prepared excuse, what comes out is, "Yeah. I'll come."

Tommy gets to his feet and, with a grim smile, wraps me in a bear hug. I feel brittle and cold. But his arms are nice and even though I haven't forgiven him for his part in this, I also feel like we took a step that way today.

When he lets me go, I step back. "Bye, Crash," I say, hastily starting toward the stairs. I have to get out of here before I break.

He reaches toward me as I pass, but I sidestep, ignoring the look of hurt and pleading that crosses his face. Where does he get off looking like I hurt him?

"Kelly—" he gets to his feet. I'm about to tell him not to follow me when the slider rumbles again and we all look at it in surprise.

My stomach sinks to my toes.

Amber, their manager, cuts a fantastic figure framed by the door, a bright smile on her face. She's a curvy woman who likes to flaunt it with pencil skirts and low-V necklines. She's got a legal envelope under one arm, and her suit-jacket over the other.

The interruption is jarring.

Amber, never easy to fluster, steps onto the deck. "Kelly! You're back!"

I twist my fingers together and try to fake a smile for her. But the look she gives me says I'm not successful.

"Hey, Amber. No, I'm not back. Not really." I trail off miserably and glance at Tommy. How do I get out of here?

Crash says, "Yeah, we convinced Kelly not to ignore us anymore. She's helping with the new album."

Amber's faux-friendliness is gone for a blink before she draws it around herself again and forces that over-bright smile. "That's great!"

Oh, no you don't. I'm not falling for that again.

I used to be intimidated by Amber. Threatened by her close relationship with the guys, and the way she built their success until they were completely dependent on her. I used to be jealous of all the stuff she got to share with them.

But if this time apart from the boys has given me anything, it's perspective on this woman: She's a snake. She never liked how much Crash listened to me—or the fact that we sang together and he'd take my suggestions on a song. Like, somehow she was threatened by me. Amber had his ear the whole day before Crash broke up with me. I know she had an influence on that. So I hold her gaze and let her see exactly what I think of her.

"Better than great," Crash says, and it takes me a second to remember he's responding to Amber's fake comment. "She's fixed four of the songs I was struggling with." He looks at me, brow furrowed. "Would you mind, Kel? Can we play them for Amber before you go?"

Oh no.

Amber sees the look he gives me and rightly catches my reluctance. Her real smile curls, raising my hackles. And it's exactly what I needed to remove the last of my fear.

Okay, bitch. It's on.