Divorce

opened the handle to our bedroom door after my husband called me for like 5 times in row. " i'm washing dishes , i said furstatingly, but seriously this guys still isn't stoping what do I do?

Pushing the door inside struggling to open. my left hand soaked in soap bubbles and left hand dried incase he tell me to find his socks.

What is..???I stopped in the middle when I saw a tall figure standing near the window. His face turned to the window and his back facing me. My mind stopped working for a second and just wanted to admire the sencery my husband giving me early in the morning.

Standing by the window his body is so delicate as if he will melt from the heat, yet standing there shinning like all the light coming from him. Like stars giving light. His hairs were wet, it's noticeable that he just took a hot shower, the vapors from his body and dripping water from his hairs are the vitness. "How handsome he looking".

"What happened? "I said as whipping the water from my mouth. Blushing hardly I can sense all my cheeks turning red my ears becoming hot. All the scenes from romantic movies roaming around my head as this situation were actually same as the movies and dramas.

All I could see is when hero comes from shower and call's his wife.. For.. For. ... I blushed harder as I thought of things will be happening in future.

"oh! your here, take this" he turned his face not fully, to sense my present in the room, his hands wondering around  the table aside from him, there was a white papers stilled there. He took those in hand and he thrown it in the direction where I was standing near the door.

I flinched for a second, when suddenly a bunch of papers where came flying towards me, I backed off as its landed before my feets.

"what the hell, what is this? " I said catching my breath,which was up from a sudden movement.

"look by it yourself ! "he is still not facing me directly as his back was covering his emotions on his face. But I could feel the tension in the environment,so high.  Without questioning futherer, I got down to look what my loving husband haunting me with, early in the morning.

My eyes got wide as I saw the first two letters of the paper and then the rest,slowly. It's unbelievable I'm unable to digest what was written on the papers in capital letters black and bigger.

"DIVORCE PAPER! '' repeating what was written on the paper my eyes left a tear. "What is.. " I was hardly trying to interpret the words again and again. all the words I was mumbling inside my head as to convince myself that I was reading it correctly.

" what do you mean by this? "I spoke out controlling all the tears in my eyes . My voice is stable AF not wanting to show any emotions through my voice, I stood still, without making any unnecessary noises.

" you saw what on that?" his voice is super deep  and serious this the second time I head this, first was the day of our wedding when he...!!! Was..

My eyes blurred with tears to rethink all the things happened at that day and the things happening today..

"Let's get divorce! "

"see Alex! I don't love you and you don't love me, and I have someone I love, so lets break free from this namely relation" he said in his intoxicating deep voice making me miserable AF.

my heart broken on his claims , "I love you" I said in breath. All I could say in this situation but never said it out loud.

" Alex we know our marriage was just an arrangement, made by your father and there was no love in it, it's was forced on us. We both never wanted to be in this relationship at first "don't we? "

My heart breaking apart from his words, it's true that it was an arrange marriage it's true that I was against it at first because I wanted to focus on my career more, but what now after spending 1 year with me, in this relation?.

After I gave everything I have?  After warming up my heart for you and downing my protest. After I have fulfilled every duty of a wife. And most importantly after I have fallen crazyly in love with you...  This all words I wanted to shout at him loudly as I can with every bit of my voice but I controlled it. 

It's not new, as I remember the thing he done 2 days ago. now I remembered all the things  line by line. I knew, from the start that he never loved me,and not even he once liked me as friend or anything.. 

From the start it's was her not me.. I'm mad to fall in love with a man I know will never be mine. I'm sad not because of this divorce, but merely sad on the thing that I gave him the place of a special person that could hurt me to this extent.

"Alex I love someone else, you know "  his  face still facing the windows as if he was hiding the guilt in his eyes. How can he still look at me with all he gave was sadness and nothing else. He should be guilty for his doing.

"but, don't worry I will give you full amount of  alimony, even if it's take anything. If you want anything other then money in alimony you can ask of it"

What the f*ck he mean??? Money !!money !! What does he think of me some kind of moneyhungry person???

Here I am fallen apart my world fallen apart and what he wanted to say is alimony????..

Now my sadness turning into anger on the words he spoken, I'm ashamed to even love this man who thinks I'm money hungry?.

"Sorry! Mr bender I don't need your money.  I have plenty of it." my fist closed tightly as I do not wanted him to noticed how affected I am from his words.

I was the girl who never bow down her head to anyone, even if it's the person I dearly love. But here I was down on my emotions. I gave up all the things to be with him all the things my pride my everything.

I became a miserable person.

but I won't beg for his love. I never and will never be begging for anyone's love. It's your fault that you left a beautiful women like me. It's not my lost its yours. You made me a clown, it's you who played  with my heart, you took everything I had but still you will be lacking.

And I hope you will be happy with your lover and the guilt of leaving me will never haunt you..

This all was going inside my head but never said it out loud. There was pin drop silence in the room nor him or me has spoken a word from 6 minutes all I could assume is that he was also busy in his mind as I was chasing my thoughts in my mind.

"where to sign "I said it out breaking the silence. He turned his head towards me in shock as if he was not expecting me to aspect this divorce this instant.

"Third page, left in the corner " he said in his deep voice.

As I flipped the pages I saw his signature was already there like he was planning it from months, and I was been fooling myself with the love I'm having.

I took the pen out from the side table drawer, and with stabling my hand, stiff face I landed the tip of pen and signed my name, as single.

Inside I was broken,trumbling ,shaking but outside me was stable as silent lake, my eyes is dry as ice and my emotions is still as clouds not noticeable.

I took the paper and handed towards him. Little bit of guilt was there but now he was smiling, like he was suppressing his laugh. "HE WAS HAPPY!  My mind blown out in anger as instead of giving it to him in hand I threw it over smacking his face.

His eyes turned into anger, now I was smiling to his face. His eyes went deep in shallow.

"Thank you, for releasing me it was hell living with you"i said as I smiled just like him a seconds before. I was about to leave in that very second when his hands grabbed my arm tightly.

"Never Ever show your face to me ever again in this life, or I will make you life a living hell again " his eyes were red as his anger can be see through it. I felt relaxed after watching his smile vanished after my statement. He was smiling on my miserablity, Now I was smiling on his.

" I won't " I said smiling widely.

"Good! " he said and took the papers went towards the door shut it loud and in seconds invisibled from my visions.

As I saw him, going out , now the stiffness and stability I was maintaining fall out apart as I broke down on the floor. Imagining the things just happened now broke my heart in to millions of pieces I don't know how was I able to maintain clamness in this situation, I don't know how I handled the things in time. All I know was I did it right.

"He don't deserve me "....