chapter 1: I forgot to introduce myself. Didn't I?

I've always thought about this moment.

The hero falls to the ground, drowning in his blood, held by his beloved with red eyes dried from crying over him, surrounded by his allies listening to his last words to preserve them and pass them on to future generations as a source of inspiration.

Or the villain, after his defeat, lying on the ground, speaking with all arrogance and defiance, spewing a bunch of nonsense to shake the hero's beliefs and gain the audience's sympathy.

Ah, ah, ah, this is truly painful.

Unfortunately, I'm neither a hero nor a villain, of course.

I'm just a failure who spends his time watching and reading stories all day, financially dependent on his parents even after turning thirty.

Isn't this the moment when the tape of life before me should begin? Why am I still seeing nothing? Don't tell me these are just fantasy scenes that writers resort to to create empty drama.

Oh, oh, even this turned out to be a lie. I can't believe this.

Wait, my life is terrible.

I don't want to see it again. Good, at least for once something I want happens.

What's going on? No, no, I said I don't want to see anything.

Is this happening out of spite? Or what?

Damn, even in the last moments of my life, things go against my wishes.

Suddenly I find myself in a familiar place but can't pinpoint it exactly. I feel confused.

All my thoughts are chaotic. I try to remember.

And while I'm diving into my memories, a voice to my right catches my attention:

"Pay attention to the lesson. Do you want to be scolded again?"

I turn to find the owner of the voice, a young boy in his early twenties at most, looking at me with an expression full of emotion that makes me want to vomit.

Those features, that look. I don't need effort to remember who he is. And how can one forget the knot of their life?

All the humiliation and insults I went through were because of this person. And before I'm accused of exaggeration, I feel pain in my head as if someone threw a pen at me.

"What was I saying?"

A voice strikes my ears, as if coming from the depths of hell, speaking to me, making my body shudder.

Without my command, I find myself standing on my feet trembling uncontrollably, with my eyes full of tears and my mouth shut and my tongue stammering. No answer comes out of me.

"Are you deaf or have you lost the ability to speak?"

I can't control where to put my eyes or get a word out of my mouth, let alone move my body.

It seems to me that in these memories, I'm just a spectator like you.

The devil in human form approached me, making me take a step back, but the seats are designed narrow and orderly to prevent my defensive steps, leaving me no choice but to face her deadly gaze.

"Are we going to wait all day to hear your valuable answer?"

"I..."

"You what?"

"I'm... sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

This crone didn't leave me even to gather my thoughts to answer her.

"I wasn't paying attention to the..."

And before I finished my words, a slap fell on my cheek to swell and inflame. 

In seconds, with the help of the pain emanating from my cheek, I was able to distinguish where I was.

The place where I lived the worst moments of my life that determined my future full of failure and shame. All my psychological problems arose from this hell.

School, the source of all evils in the world.

The woman who just slapped me is my teacher, the devil who came out of hell specifically to make me suffer. All this under the care of my mother.

No matter how psychologically ill a teacher is, they won't be crazy enough to slap a student in class in front of everyone unless they're assured that no complaint will be filed. 

And there's no better assurance than the student's guardian themselves.

I'll never forget when my mother told her 

"not to worry, just hit him when you feel like it."

And out of nowhere comes the savior to save the situation after what has already happened. But who will collect the spoils?

"Ma'am, it was my fault. I distracted him when I asked him about something."

And as soon as everyone turns to look at him, you see admiration and amazement in their eyes, starting a wave of whispers expressing how wonderful and chivalrous he is.

"Null is really different. He sacrifices himself for his troublemaking friend."

Damn you and your mother. When have I ever caused you trouble, you pig? I don't even know who you are. 

An unimportant side character in the story, just shut your mouth.

"I really envy his girlfriend. Not only is he handsome, but his morals are those of a noble knight riding on a white horse. Ahhh."

Where's the horse bitch? Morals? What morals are you talking about? That devil won't do anything to him. He's the number one student in the kingdom.

Imagine the pride she gets from her colleagues' envious eyes just because he's in her class. And let me tell you, he doesn't have a girlfriend. This scum is obsessed with studying and thinking about his bright future.

"I don't understand why a successful person like Null befriends a failure and pitiful person like him."

All this because of my mother. Using her connections, she managed to find out about the rising star to recruit him in hopes of raising my grades. 

But unfortunately, nothing rose except my mother's blood pressure level.

"Look at yourself closing your mouth even after hearing your loyal friend sacrifice himself for you. Do you know how much time he wastes just trying to improve your grades? Imagine if he spent more time on his studies, how many records he would break."

What record is he going to break? He gets perfect scores. 

Curse you all. You lick his ass knowing that with these high grades he will undoubtedly get a high position.

And of course, what do you think was my response to all this? Does the hero who doesn't stay silent about his insult and returns one word with ten, leaving mouths wide open and making the number one girl start to admire him come to your mind?

Hahaha, but don't forget I'm not hero.

"I... I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm sorry, Null. I'm sorry everyone. I will do my best to improve myself."

Red face, eyes full of tears, heart palpitations that don't stop from fear, with a slight bow of the head, not to mention the excess weight.

The idea of ​​reliving memories is a terrible idea. Who's the son of a bitch who said it was a great idea?

Add to that, why does everyone look like a black ghost with glowing white eyes? Only the devil (teacher) and Null have clear features.

While my mind was spraying a machine gun of useless questions, my vision returned to the pitch darkness I was in before. 

Don't tell me, I'm going to move from one memory to another. 

What is this torment? Just end this miserable life.

And as I expected, I moved from one memory to another. The intriguing thing is that all of them, without exception, relate to school, some I had forgotten, and others were impossible to forget.

After a period I don't know how long, but the scene finally changed to something different. Not better in turn.

The hospital. What am I doing in the hospital? Oh, I forgot to tell you. My life has passed in three places with no fourth:

First, my room, my private kingdom where no one criticizes you or bullies you. 

You do what you want, when you want, how you want, wherever you want.

Second, hell or what's known as school, the place of all evils. 

I've always had a firm belief that if there was a Demon King, he would take the school as his kingdom to start his invasion of the world. And that devil bitch (teacher) would be his whore. Hahaha.

Third and last, the morgue or the hospital. There's no difference to me.

I sat on the waiting chair outside the doctor's office, trimming my nails with my teeth. Directly facing me is a nurse trying to pretend that her focus is entirely on the computer screen, but I caught her eye looking at me several times.

With my lack of talking to others, my communication skills have become at the level of patients with autism. If my tongue stops working, focus on hearing and sight begins.

Unfortunately, my hearing didn't become superhuman, but, but my sight.

My sight also didn't become anything special, haha sorry.

But with my focus on expressions, I can distinguish between pity and anger.

As for other emotions, sorry, I haven't seen them to recognize them.

"After all this effort and money, you tell me you've done what you could. Then how do you explain your failure?"

Let me introduce you to the owner of the voice that enters your eardrum and doesn't come out until you become deaf: my mother.

"Ma'am, be realistic. I'm a doctor. What does your son's success or failure have to do with me?"

Of course, this is the doctor's voice in case you weren't paying attention. 

As for the name, it's not important because he's just one of my mother's slaves who took an order to torture me.

"The agency that referred me to you said very clearly that these operations help raise students' grades. And now you say his success or failure has nothing to do with you?"

Of course, I can smell your confusion. 

What's the connection here? What does the surgical operation have to do with success in studies?

Under the slogan "For better focus," the word was spread among parent groups on the internet that there are doctors capable of making children more focused on their studies and away from distractions. 

And after finishing their academic careers, they can be factory reset. But there were three problems:

First, the amount of money you will spend, from the cost of operations to medicines. 

Add to it the follow-up with more than one doctor, and I'll leave the amount to your imagination.

Second, the success rate does not exceed 50/50 during the operation. As for after, good luck.

Third and most important: illegal. And if you get caught, whether parents or doctor, you will be... uh uh uh I'll leave this to your imagination too.

There's also a fourth reason, which is for the child to accept. But who am I to have an opinion?

Well, what exactly are these operations? It's nothing big, nothing big.

Just a small operation on your male organ, specifically at the level of the testicle. 

The aim is to reduce the secretion of testosterone responsible for sexual desire.

No desire, no girls, no distractions. An instant and guaranteed solution. 

What? Do you want to try?

Madness? Haha, you haven't seen anything. Let me tell you:

An operation at the level of the legs, specifically the thigh and leg muscles. 

No sports, no risk of injury, no waste of time.

An operation at the stomach level to reduce appetite. 

Eating to live, not for enjoyment. Eat less, have more free time, take more lessons.

The ironic thing is that despite all this, I still suffer from weight gain.

An operation at the brain level to activate its cells. As we know, humans only use 10% of it. Hasn't this idea been debunked? This is the first thing that came to my mind, but it seems my mother didn't think much.

As for medicines, do you have a good ability to calculate?

Medicine to reduce sleep. Who needs rest? Four hours is enough. Finish your lessons.

Medicine to ruin the sense of smell. Do you want to smell to feel hungry? Finish your lessons.

And the list goes on. Take medicine for something and its opposite. How did I survive? I don't know. Four years have passed in this torment without any notable result.

The voice rises more and more between the doctor and my mother, and then, nothing.

Everyone goes their own way. It's not in anyone's interest for the matter to reach the authorities.

But this is not what makes this moment important, but what comes after it. If what I went through was suffering, what comes after this moment can be called torment.

All medicine appointments. Some she remembers and some she forgets to bring. There was no more interest from her side. Until I became the one who constantly reminds her. With time, she became busy with work and forgot my existence. Every first of the month, she throws a bundle of money into my account and disappears.

My health started to deteriorate more with time. 

I vomit blood every morning. 

My eyes are red all day long. 

There is no sleep. 

There is no taste to food. 

I will vomit anyway. Hell in every sense of the word.

Above this, I still have to deal with people's looks every time I go to the grocery store or the clinic to buy medicines.

To get rid of this torment, I must undergo a factory reset.

But for my bad luck, one of the students who was undergoing the same torture died.

As a result, a fierce campaign spread throughout the kingdom. Everyone is afraid. Many doctors and parents have been imprisoned.

There are voices encouraging children to go to the nearest government hospital to save their lives.

And there are opposing voices based on filial piety and that they did this only for your future.

But it seems that the latter voice was falling on deaf ears. There are thousands of students who turned themselves in and threw filial piety into the trash.

As for me, I don't need to explain to you. 

We've become family. Where would I get the courage to take such a big step from beginning to end?

Can you imagine that I never hated them at all?

Before the rumours spread, my mother started coming home regularly to prepare my meals, thinking her conscience was bothering her. Even my father started calling to check on me. But after a while, I discovered that my mother and father knew about the government's intention.

I could no longer bear the pain of the body on one hand and the psychological pain on the other. And like any person in this age, if you don't like your real world, resort to your virtual world.

TV series, movies, novels, anime. I watched everything and anything. With every story, I imagined myself as the hero.

And like every story, there must be an end. Isn't that right?

A day full of snow, but it doesn't matter to me. I've lost the feeling of warmth for a long time.

My father came from outside the kingdom just to start a fight that causes unbearable noise in the house. My ears have become very sensitive, forcing me to go out in the middle of the night.

After midnight, the streets are empty and dark, and the houses are full of warmth. As for my house, it's not the first time they fight. The reason doesn't matter.

I think in the middle of the discussion, each of them has forgotten the reason for their fight, but they will continue anyway.

I've walked about 15 minutes. I've fallen 10 times. I've coughed blood 5 times. It's become one of my favorite hobbies.

And just as I was about to make the decision to return, I collided with something solid and fell on my buttocks, causing a series of whimpers and screams to burst from my mouth.

"What's all this screaming? I haven't done anything yet. Haha."

"This is a loser in his thirties screaming like a girl who just lost her virginity. Haha."

I turned around. To find a group of laughs, fear overcomes me trying to suppress my groaning and open my eyes to find four men as tall as a pole surrounding me, directing their gazes towards me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bump into you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Oh, I can't believe myself. 

Even in these moments, the first thing that comes to my mind is apologizing without even analyzing my situation to know who's at fault here. 

Not to mention their appearances that suggest they're not the type to back down with an apology.

"You miserable, empty your pockets so I can think whether I'll let you go or not."

"No, I didn't bring anything with me."

Before I finished my words, I saw their looks change, which stimulated my instinct to make a suggestion.

"But my house is close by. If you let me go, I promise I'll give you a large amount of money."

"Hahahaha."

Another group of laughter surrounds me, making me turn right and left confused.

"You're really a pig. Did you tell us you're rich and willing to cooperate with us to blackmail your parents?"

I hadn't thought this deeply before. And while finding something to justify my position, I find myself falling to the ground and feeling a fire under my head with the sound of something colliding with something.

"Boom"

I was standing on my feet moments ago, then I closed my eyes and when I opened them, I found myself stretched out on the ground, drowning in my blood, not comprehending what had happened.

"Why are you cutting our fun?"

"Stop playing. We don't have time. Quickly."

This was the last thing I heard. After that, whistling, then silence. And finally, the tape ended to return the feeling of pain.

This is really a contradictory feeling.

I feel the fire on my face and the tips of my fingers with the coldness of the ground full of my warm blood. It's strange.

When I think about it, I find, for the first time, a common denominator between me and the heroes of novels.

Isn't this the moment when the hero screams, pleading for one last chance to go back in time to correct his mistakes or asking to go to another world to start from scratch with his experience so as not to fall into the mistakes of the past?

I've always been infatuated with this idea, along with gaining a superpower. Gathering women left and right. Every man's dream in the world.

except for the effeminate ones.

But let's be realistic. Do you think this is possible? And I'm not talking about the possibility of getting a chance. I'm talking about the possibility of a failure becoming successful.

Your circumstances may have changed, but the most important thing beyond circumstances hasn't changed. Yes, I'm talking about your personality. For example, me.

I am who I am. I haven't changed. 

How will knowing the future benefit me when I don't have the courage to make decisions?

And another thing, do you remember what you ate yesterday? What about last week? How will you remember what happened in the past, and assuming you do, your interaction with the things you know will change them, making knowledge of the past useless.

With your failure the first time, what guarantees you won't fail the second time?

You'll say another world with magical powers and creatures.

Think about it. Isn't there someone like Null the genius and a failure like me in that world and in any world?

I didn't succeed in differential equations. Will I succeed in magic circles? Don't make me laugh.

Hohoho.

Finally, the pain stops. The flame of my life is extinguishing. With these thoughts, I made my decision and for the first time, I'm determined.

I don't want a second chance.

I've had enough with the first one, and I don't want to go to another world.

There's no guarantee what if I reincarnate as a slime or a spider or even a goblin. 

This body full of fat is enough for me.

And for the last time, what have we learned? Nothing happens as I want.

I forgot to introduce myself. Didn't I?

I'm Emiric.

An ignorant boy with a weak personality whose life ends without achieving anything noteworthy finds himself in the body of a strange person of obscene wealth and influence. 

Or at least that's what I thought.