A loss that no profit can satisfy

Kurumi pov

Every time I feel nagging cold , but my body does not react to it , I remind myself of this fact. Now I am spirit . Or at least that's according to orginal Kurumi's memories . However, I am not sure about that . In the end , I don't have all the qualities that enable me to call myself a spirit . First and most important , I can not create astral dress , nor can I fly . The only active spirit power of orginal Kurumi I have is her angel , zafkiel . Shadow control and shadow clone creation is nothing more than one of my semblance's .

Secondly , there are still many biological processes in my body that do not occur in the body of spirits . I can still get sick , I have to eat to be alive , apparently I am getting physically older . Spirits don't age , don't get sick and don't need to eat to survive . However, it is possible that this stop when I grow to the appropriate age . This is at least one of my theories.

' I am not sure about my current state . Others don't know about what's happening to me either . After all, from a logical point of view I can not tell them that I am spirit . So no thorough examination is possible, not that even a examination would detect anything abnormal, after all, there is no technology in this world that can separate the human from the spirit.'

' But even though I am not sure what happened to me . I also have no other explanation , other than that I am spirit . Also , from what I remember the older version of me , and my body at " that " place was much older . Hence my suspicion that as I get older, my body will become more and more like spirit . Although it should not work that way . But my whole situation should not work that way. '

Thinking about it I am starting to feel a slight headache . Massaging my temples I notice that a few tears are running down my face . After wiping them away , I hugged my painful lower abdomen . To reduce discomfort and pain I sit down on the ground and lean my back against the closed door to the clock store . The cold floor of the roof didn't bother me rather the coldness helped to soften the discomfort to some extent . Yes I feel that it's cold but it doesn't bother me as it should.

' I haven't stopped feeling the temperature rather it doesn't bother me anymore . It's hard to explain '

Thinking about it I go back in my mind to the first days when I noticed changes in my body . It was two days after the whole incident of that night . Just like today I needed time to think , although at that time I was not yet able to accept what I saw as true . Just like today I went out on the roof , that night it was even colder than today , but I did not even tremble under the icy wind . I was too thoughtful , only after an hour I realized that I sat in the cold for so long and I just felt the coldness surrounding me , however, my body ... It just didn't react to it .

Nothing in my body stiffened or was frostbitten , I didn't even sneeze . It was just like sitting in a normal warm room , except that I felt a chill on my skin . However, this cold was rather just an indicator that it is cold , not uncomfortable in any way . It is strange to describe . No matter how I dressed my body I no longer sweats in the heat nor does I get goosebumps because of the cold . I also do not feel shortness of breath due to the heat , likewise my lungs do not hurt when I breathe in the cold air . Last year the summer heat did not make me sweat . I can only attribute these properties to the spirits ability to survive in hostile environments . However, in the memories of the original Kurumi, it seemed different .....

Unfortunately , even though the temperature doesn't bother me , hot steam can still hurt my skin . The same thing happens when my hand is too close to a flame or hot object . It also works the other way , when my skin touches cold metal it will freeze to it . When I go in cold water , I can still get hypothermia and frostbite . I haven't tried staying in boiling water , but I'm sure it will cook me . So yes the temperature is still harmful in some way . Which is quite logical , after all touching hot or cold things is not exactly related to " environment ".

But even if cold water and rain should be counted as something environmental , for some reason it is not . An example of such situations is the sauna , which has the same effect on me as on others . Although in the case of the sauna it may be due to the steam , not the temperature itself . The same can happen with cold water and rain . From the memories of the original Kurumi I know clearly that in her case the environmental protection included everything , whether it was snow , rain , high sky , even outer space . A spirit like Kurumi could survive in many more places . In my case my environmental protection is not very great . But with my guess , my environmental protection skill is not fully developed , completely like the rest of my skills .

However, to outline my environmental protection in some way , I can clearly list what I am protected from and wind and air temperature . Whether it is cold or hot I will not overheat or get hypothermia . Breathing in hot or cold places doesn't make me uncomfortable either . Standing or sitting on many surface's is not a problem either , as long as they are not extremely hot like a boiling kettle or cold like metal pole in the middle of the cold tundra . Depending on the case I either can get burned or my skin freezes to that surface .

For example, if I wanted to sit on a piece of metal , which hangs over a fire , my skin would normally be burned by it . Another limitation , is water , snow and ice . When it rains or snows , I will get wet and my body will normally feel it . The same applies to the sauna , where the steam makes me sweat normally . For example, the roof on which I sit , despite the fact that for anyone it would be damn cold in the feet and butt , for me it is not a problem . However , if that roof was covered with water or snow , my butt would get wet and then freeze .

For this reason, when it snows or rains, I am still forced to dress appropriately for the weather. However, in addition to this resistance to air teperature , I also have some protection against atmospheric pressure fluctuations. Which makes the sudden drop or rise in pressure does not affect my body . But I am not sure to what level of pressure I am protected . But rather I am sure that the bottom of the sea or ocean is not possible for me .

And as I mentioned in the example of the sauna , I can still sweat . But except for the situation in the sauna , so far it only happens when I work hard or when I get tired . And the reason why this is happening is probably because , during exercise the body temperature rises . Exactly , the temperature inside me , my body overheats from the inside forcing me to cool down . Otherwise if I am not surrounded by hot steam as in a sauna or there is something emitting strong heat waves next to me , for example fire , even when it is hot outside I do not sweat . So yes sweating under the cover like Neo and Emerald today is out in my case .

' Spicy food makes me sweat too , however I am not sure if the sweat is not due to a protective reaction to capsaicin . Well in the end it doesn't change the fact that theh are less cases in which I sweat . Which makes it much easier for me to stay clean . But It's not that even if I sweat something bad will happen . My sweat has lost its unpleasant smell, just as the rest of my body has lost the ability to "smell bad". As long as I do not fall in the excrement or bathe in the garbage I always smell pleasant . Or as Neo and Emerald say , I smell like a fresh flowers . '

Thinking about it I smiled softly . For a girl to know that she always smells nice is quite reassuring . However, another important change on the more toilet relatet activities , is that my visits to the toilet are really rare . And even when they happen , rarely does a bad smell get out of me . Absolutely nothing . I literally can not produce anything that smells bad . I either smell nice or not at all . And well in a way it makes life easier and reduces the possibility of embarrassing situations .

In addition to the fact that I practically do not smell bad , my ears and nose have stopped produce wax and snot . My teeth also always maintain a pure white color . My skin even without taking care of it is much nicer and paler . Not to mention my hair which does not get greasy at all . All this quite overtly is another of the qualities of spirit . My body keeps itself clean by stopping the production of unnecessary waste and odors . And all this combined with the reduced amount of sweat and the lack of negative effects of being in the cold , reduces the risk of disease .

' Yes reduces but does not remove this possibility . Since the day of my transformation I got sick once . It wasn't because of being out in the cold rain when I experimented with my immunity . In fact I can run marathons in a snowstorm , barefoot in the snow and I still won't get sick .'

' Of course , probably my feet will get frostbite and I myself will die of hypothermia , but I will not catch a cold because of it . Unfortunately my immunity to disease ended the moment Neo accidentally sneezed in my face . Needless to say that at that time both Neo and Emerald had a cold . And I, after receiving a sneeze right in the face , got sick along with them . '

Thinking of that ridiculous situation where all three of us together ended up sick , I couldn't help but giggle . Well besides those changes , in my biology nothing else has changed . I continue to need the same amount of sleep , I also eat the same , I continue to grow .And this despite the fact that in the memories of the original Kurumi , spirits age much slower than humans and also they do not need food to survive .

' This is where another problem arises . Aging . From the memories of the original Kurumi, I can't clearly deduce how long the spirits live . After all, the original Kurumi did not die of old age . However, if my guess is even a little accurate , I will be given to see Neo and Emerald die of old age . I don't want that ... I'm afraid of it , I don't want to live longer than them . I don't want to be forced to watch people close to me die . '

Thinking of such a possibility , I can only pull my knees up to my chest to then embrace them to hide my face in them , so as to hide my tears . The only thing that comforts me is that there is a small possibility that I will never gain the full qualities of the spirit . For many people being a spirit would be a dream , maybe for me it would be great too . Aside from aging , not needing to eat , environmental resistance , being able to fly and many other skills sounds great . However , it's not that I didn't lose anything because of this..... In fact besides the fact that my soul is a monstrosity and my body is losing its humanity , I myself have even lost my freedom because of this " being " .