Chapter 5.1 (13)

[Gavel banging]

Judge: Will the defence please hesitate from ramming into one another while court is in session.

Markus: Now the town of Hamshire has been requesting an awful lot from the defense lately, hasn't it?

Judge: The town of Hamshire has nothing to do with this, Mr. Velafi.

Markus: Really? Because this- this table has Hamshire county court written literally all over.

Judge: Ask your defense attorney why he's got the papers from the Hamshire county court at the Alaran state court.

Markus: I- are you.. wh? I am our defense attorney.

Thog: Uhh.. Markus: I will look over these papers myself.

Thog: Uh no, you're exact- no, you're not. Sorry. But uh you need someone from the Alaran Empire to defend you here and that's why I am here.

Markus puts on his glasses.

Gregor: This man is my lawyer.

Gregor: He got me out of jail.

Markus: Sure. I did.

Markus: And I'm sure I'll do it again in the near future.

Thog: Ok, so seriously you don't wanna benefit from legal counsel than I am... required by law...

Markus: Okay. Okay Thog. Okay Thog. Lay it on me.

Thog: Ok, so you got a problem here.

Markus: Uh-huh?

Thog: Ah, you remember that thing you killed?

Markus: Do I- do I ever.

Thog: Yeah, no you did a really great job with that. That's the problem here. The Alaran don't like- they don't like people who do too well.

Thog: See, they're questioning your humanity. Markus: Aha.

Thog: You dealt with something that an armed guard- uh.. a platoon of armed guards couldn't handle.

Ashe: Now wait a second. The armed guards couldn't deal with it because they were late.

Markus: Also incompetent!

Thog: Yeah that's- it's more that

Thog: There were plenty of-

Markus: Highly incompetent!

Thog: -guards stationed on the island already.

Ashe: The armed guards that were.. protecting the town.

Markus: That was in the process of being massacred.

Ashe raises her hands up in the air.

Markus: By the beast which nobody could stop except for us.

Thog: Yeah that..

Gregor: They're not exactly us.

Alexander: no one is like us Gregor

Ashe: The armed guards...

Thog: Yeah, see the problem is in order to get by in Alaran you need to be considered human, and the standard of humanity is uh- those armed guards.

Thog: If you stand out-

Markus's tail wiggles around as Thog says this

Thog: If you stand out too much, Mr. Velafi, you're branded inhuman. You lose your rights. So let's just try to calm down, keep the magic to a minimum and be human for a little bit so we can lie our way through this court, okay?

Markus: Well, you see branding inh- being branded inhuman is not something I'm entirely averse to.

Ashe: Markus, I understand your affinity.

Gregor: It seems a little racially biased.

Gregor: I think this might be our chance to kind of.. bring this corruption to light. Expose the racism that's going on here.

Ashe: Uh- ... Also Gregor-

Gregor: Take it to the top.

Markus: You have-You have a heart of gold Gregor.

Alexander: monster killing gold

Ashe: Let me first suggest..

Markus: You really do.

[Gavel banging]

Judge: Can the defense please break the huddle formation and address the court?

Markus: Sir, we have at least two more minutes of legally permitted huddle time.

Ashe turns to Thog.

Thog: Where? Where is he getting this stuff? Ashe: Does he-?

Gregor: You're good.

Markus: Like really you just have to speak with a sense of purpose and most people will go- will go right along with it...

Ashe: Okay, so listen Gregor, I do appreciate that you want to break down any sort of social prejudices that might be going on here. But... in their eyes we're the bad guys right now. We've got to play along. Trick 'em, you know? Pretend that we're one of them so that we can put them in a more compromising position so that we might be better able to take advantage of their weakness and eventually strike the prejudice down in one blow.

Gregor: That didn't sound a lot like justice.

Alexander: because it isn't justice

Ashe: Justice comes in many forms.

Markus: That it does.

Gregor: Eeh!

Markus: Trust Ashe on this one, Gregor. Gregor: Okay.

Ashe: And Markus..

Markus: Yes?

Ashe: Keep the tail flicking to a minimum. Don't set anybody- set anybody on fire.

Markus: It's okay, Ashe. I got the message. Ah.. Your Honor?

Judge: The court has deemed your multi-headed approach to be a little... unsophisticated. We require that you elect a spokesman from amongst your group.

Markus slides his glasses up his nose.

Markus: Uh-hum!

Thog: Hhhhh...

Thog releases a sighs.

Thog: We, the defense would like to nominate Markus Velafi..

Thog: ..as the spokesman.

Markus takes an over the top bow

Multiple hands clapping can be heard from the courtroom

Markus: Oh, hey we have an audience... of like three people. Very well. Now Your Honor if I am to understand correctly uh..Much of the, uh, distastefulness surrounding these court proceedings emerges from my own general appearance being inhuman, demonic, infernal in nature.

Prosecutor: Objection, Your Honor. The prosecution would-

Markus: You shut your mouth!

Ashe: Markus.

Markus: Shhsssss!

Judge: Objection overruled?

[Laughter]

the judge stares at the man on the far side of the room and simply shrugs.

Judge: Uh.. so your appearance is certainly part of the issue here, Mr. Velafi.

Markus: Yes..

Judge: However the accusation here is that you are creatures beyond the capabilities of humanity. You may pose a danger to the empire itself.

Markus: Or we could be one of the greatest assets that the empire has seen in recent memory.

Judge: That-

Markus: Sir.

Judge: That is certainly true, however that is not what's being contested in this court today. The question is simply: "Are you human or are you inhuman?"

Markus steps up onto the table and with a flourish...pull off his horns and his tail off.

Markus: [Poof.]

Markus: I believe that should answer your question, Your Honor. Simple prosthetics. A- an idle trick that any amateur magician can whip up in 20-30 minutes.

Markus drops them onto the floor.