Chapter :An Eulogy

"Funny how so many missed me

when I was gone yet so few

appreciated me when I was here."

--------Ken Poirot.

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Present day.

I expected her to be here. Sobbing relentlessly,all the while blabbering something incoherent,as she kept caressing the grave like the kids when they went to sleep. It concerned me,is she in delusion or trauma...ahhh,I can't ponder more...

All along I kept leaning over the maple tree,as my legs had turned numb,a dead weight.....

With the cold facade I withheld so long crumpling at the moment of bitter relevation...

From afar the tombstone seemed to be decorated with wreaths of tulips.....her favorite. Aah...still I can't make my heart surmise that my little munchkin is no more.Even now I can hear her chuckling, picture her bossy attitude, her fashionista taste,our camping adventures and most of all her protectiveness towards her other siblings....she was our star...our Angel.

She was our adoring,short tempered Angie...

As Blue wept, I was drawn back to the reality with my heart bleeding....I caused her this heartbreak....she anticipated for my return,handling all the situations calmly with such competence and yet I failed to save our Angie....the second cutest addition to our family...

Tears coursed down my eyes, unbeknownst to me...only if she had been alive....only if I could sprint back to Blue again,embracing her tightly with my dear life....only if I could undo the past....

It just feels like yesterday,Angie trying to stomp out of her cot,Elena seeming disinterested with Blue racing to support....her first step with Blue ....her grey stormy eyes gazing at my Blue with amazement and love....it really softened my heart to watch my girls getting along....

Angie wasn't ours....but was always our own ....and hence it's quite ironic that her demise isolated us all of her presence and spirit...

I wanted to bade my Angie goodbye with our secret charm kiss...hear her say "Da" one last time....so many damn things left unfinished,abandoned.

After returning back from my five years of exile,the only thought that shrieked into my psyche was to gather my menage and enjoy the serenity of our integrity. Me hollering Blue to bring out the desserts and together we merrily swaying to the music.

The memories of her calling me "Da" was heart throbbing,but what astonished me the most was when David and Angie stuttered "Ma" as their first word.

On recalling that fateful day,I can still envision Elena getting enraged and Blue transforming into an impassioned mushy mess.

It was a phenomenal instance when David and Angie fixed their gaze towards Blue and muttered "Ma" with their chubby,plump lips.Blue's eyes brimming with silver.And all of a sudden her bolting outside.... then her act of flinging herself at me when I approached her , all the time rambling gibberish.I had laughed at her that time.

As she composed herself she asked me one simple thing, "Why did both David and Angie chose me to call me their Ma?Why not Elena?

I am not even your... and their...",but I shushed her silent immediately.

Later, it all had been a past.

Angie was,no she still is a star athlete who breathes basketball and swimming both.An ultrachic to some extent.

The quote by Anais Nin ,"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings."....mocks and haunts me now, know why because though the love for Angie would never end but the love between Blue and me would always be severed....Always.....