Demons of the past

"Chao called." Shanshan raised his head from the computer, where he played the game Secret of Legends, and rested his hands on the keyboard. He tried to calm himself down. He had to remind himself he couldn't do anything about what happened to Yitian. Chao and Yitian were both his teammates from the eSport team he worked at.

That day when Yitian came to his room, telling him to face his demons, Yitian went and faced his mother. And almost died because of it. 

"Yitian wanted to say something to me and you," Huobai followed and went straight to Shanshan's place, his gaming place. It was his sanctuary. He could do whatever there, be whoever he wanted, playing the character of an assassin. 

"Face it better than me… That one was for you. I got told I need to take care of you and help you in case you get an anxiety attack. Will you explain or is that all I will get?" he asked, but did not sound pissed or anything, more like worried.

"Something happened to me in South Korea. I might have a panic attack when I get back there." Yang Shan decided it was time to say at least that. Huobai nodded and patted his back. 

"I will cover you. Just don't get it in the middle of the game." Huobai chuckled and probed no more into that matter.

"I will be okay. I won't get anxious just like that," he said, and Huobai left with a nod. Shan was really glad about that. He put back his headset and prepared himself mentally for the trip.

But now, when he was here in Seoul attending the opening ceremony for the Asian SoL tournament, he had no idea what was happening around him. He was fixated on the person before him and couldn't tear his eyes off. Shan was shaking and had problems staying upright. His breathing and heart were skipping some important steps of working correctly. 

"Tsk, still no respect for the elders as I see, huh?" the person chuckled. Shan looked around for help and his face paled, even more, when their eyes met. The kid's smirk lowered a bit, but then his face got even more distorted than before. He looked as if he was ready to kill. 

"You know him?" Huobai asked, not turning his head, because Lei, his boss, had poked him, to turn back. Shanshan couldn't speak at all. He couldn't breathe. 

The ceremony was almost endless. At least for Shan, it felt like that. There were numerous pleas and procedures they had to sit through, even after the draw was done. 

The person on the stage said something and the business guys and all those people around the ceremony started walking away. From his team, the first up on his legs was Yixing.

"Let's go to a restaurant. And not here in the hotel, but I found some local place that's supposed to be exceptional. We can talk there!" he exclaimed, and Wuchen, another teammate, immediately followed him. Shan heard his voice as if he was still in Hong Kong, muffled, far away.

"How can you be so happy? Oh, I forgot you are going to enjoy it here, while you can. Because you are going home tomorrow after the qualification, huh…" Shanshan slowly got up and stepped behind Huobai. He knew the guy had recognized him. Shan's legs were wobbly. Huobai smirked and raised his brows at Shanshan's behavior.

"I'm sorry. I don't understand the language of losers," Yixing said in Cantonese. Huobai closed his mouth again and covered it with his hand. 

Huobai took Shanshan by his sleeve and tucked him behind himself. His face was so white he looked like a ghost, or that he saw a ghost. Shan nodded at him slightly and grabbed the sweatshirt on Huobai's back, burying his face in the team jersey. The warmth helped to ease his panic attack a bit, but… not enough.

All the techniques he learned, breathing training, everything just flew out of his head like that. He couldn't remember what were the steps to breathe and his brain was just flashing him images of dark waters. 

Screams of people. Sobbing of classmates, then their families. Flashes in his face as he was crying. 

"Zhong Zhiyun, what was he saying? You lived there. You should know it." Shan just started shaking visibly when he heard that name. Jun Jiun. That was his Korean name. He was San's former classmate. And someone who got him to play games. Someone who… hated San from the depth of his heart. 

"Let's slowly back up, okay…" Huobai whispered over his shoulder. Yixing moved in front of Huobai and dragged Wuchen next to him.

The movements were fine, almost unseeable. But it allowed Huobai to slowly walk backward with Shan hanging on his back. And then disappearing with the crowd of other teams. 

Yang Shan let Huobai go, he couldn't keep up with him. Huobai turned around and just hugged him. He was so stunned by that action that his breath just got stuck and he was standing there, not moving at all. 

"It's okay now. We got out of there. Can you play tomorrow's game with them or should I change you to someone else?" Shan pondered for a while, looking at his shaking hands, trying to curl into a ball while standing.

"I will try…" he whispered, but Huobai sighed. 

"I don't want you to try. I just want to know if you can do it or not. If you are not ready, we will work with someone else. And don't act like a strong person saying you can do it while you tremble like a leaf in the wind. If you are not one hundred percent sure, you will be able to defeat them. Then say you can't do it." Huobai might have sounded harsh to others, but Shan knew what he meant by it. The team had to be in good condition. 

He tried to calm himself down, but nothing helped him. Shan needed to find his headset. He needed to hear different sounds than screams. Someone shouted a name again.

"I can't," he mumbled, sobs escaping his mouth, showing he was crying. Huobai patted his head and squeezed him a bit more just to show his support. 

"It's okay. Then get yourself together for the other matches. We need you," he said but still hugged Shan tightly. 

"Will you be able to get back to the room alone? I need to make sure Yixing doesn't forget the list," Huobai asked, but was still hugging him. 

"I will do it alone. I need to. Otherwise, I won't be able to function normally for the rest of the tournament," Shan said, more to himself than to Huobai. But he let him go and took a few steps back. The sudden release and coldness made Shan shudder again. 

He would make it. It was necessary for him to get it together. He needed to face his demons.