Chapter Eight

Alan felt the soles of his feet pound against the sidewalk as he bottled toward the urban area. Fear coursed through his veins as he caught through lawns of other houses as dogs began to bark like mad. There was no time for Alan, he felt his life was about to end at any moment. He could see the house, both cars sitting in the driveway just like yesterday. Once Alan got to the door, he stopped. He placed his hands over his head as he took in deep breaths, begging for air to flow through his lungs like normal. After another second, Alan re-adjusted his sweatshirt before taking one more step towards the door. Right before Alan turned the doorknob, the door swung open to an angry Charlie.

Charlie was mad, beyond mad; he was furious. His face was almost purple as he breathed heavily as if he had just run a marathon. Alan stared into his eyes, fearing if he looked away he might just kill over from the anger that was manifesting in his eyes.

"Where have you been?!" His voice seemed deeper, almost totally different from Charlie's normal voice. All Alan could think about was how dead he was, or how he wanted to be dead so much. Usually, he never got caught, but Alan had been distracted by his favorite sport and MayMay.

Charlie grabbed Alan by his forearm and pulled him into the house before slamming the door shut behind them. The stress and fear radiated off him like waves of cologne that had been spread on his shirt. Charlie was pacing, rubbing his hands through his hair as he took in deep breaths after glancing at Alan a couple of times. Alan just watched, daring to not move or say anything until Charlie made the first move. To Alan this was a game of chess, each move could be a step closer or further away from checkmate, or in better words; death. Alan had experienced this kind of fear before, but he knew that there was a chance that he could be overreacting.

"Where have you been, Alan?!" Charlie didn't even try to be quiet as he screamed at Alan, spite flying as Charlie's face took a deeper shade of red. "I have spent hours, waiting for you. Texting and calling! But nothing." He spat. "You didn't even dare to leave a note!"

Alan was tall, he was big, but he was still a kid. There was no way he could take Charlie on if he had to, which led to doing the one thing he could, cowardly submit. He began to back against the wall as Charlie yelled, each time taking a step towards a scared Alan. The tension was high, higher than it had ever been with Charlie, such a calm man had turned into a beast. And if Alan waited long enough, he wondered if Charlie would take the extra step and become a monster just like the rest. Alan dared not look into Charlie's eyes as he rested his back on the wall, no more space to back away if he needed to. Charlie didn't stop, he kept getting into Alan's face as he ranted off about his whereabouts of the past hour.

Alan felt as if his heart was expanding in his chest, fearing ceasing the hold of his mind as he realized he was trapped and there was no way out. He wanted to curl up in a ball, or punch Charlie. There was no in-between, it was a different sense of fight or flight. But Alan knew he would be pushed toward one rather than the other, either way, more mayhem would be caused.

"That is enough, Charlie!" The room went silent, the world followed suit. Not a bird could be heard as Eric stared down Charlie who had backed away from Alan. If a pin fell, it could be heard at this point. Charlie seemed in a daze as he kept glancing back and forth from Alan who dared not to look anywhere but his shoes, and Eric who didn't look away from Charlie as his anger only grew. "What the f-!" Eric screeched before he clenched his fist and let out almost a snarling sound. Charlie was shocked; he was in shock. He was panting like a dog as his large eyes blazed with disbelief and realization.

"Alan," Charlie gulped as he stepped further back, almost tripping on his own feet. Alan said nothing, did nothing but violently flinch as if his body was on reset. His mind was haywire as he awaited Charlie's next move, the only thing he was set on was escaping when Charlie went physical on Alan. "No, Alan. I-I would n- never." His voice shuddered as if he was trying to regain his stability.

"How would he know that, Charlie?" Eric spewed as he came closer to Charlie. "How?" Eric pushed on Charlie's chest as if he wanted a fight, but all Charlie could do was back away. "What were you thinking?"

"I- I wasn't." Charlie backed so far away from Alan that he was closer to the dining room chairs than Alan himself. "I didn't- didn't mean-"

"Just" Eric paused, almost sounding as lost as Charlie was. "Just sit down and relax a moment, okay?" Charlie slumped into an armchair as Eric slowly backed away and sighed in stress.

Alan was no longer standing, in the chaos, he had fallen to the ground, tucked away like a small child in hiding. His breathing was ragged, his heart was throbbing as if there was a large hole right in the middle of his chest. His body was shaking, shivering as if he was stuck in the rain with nowhere to go. The panic attack seemed never-ending as he pressed his head further between his legs.

"Hey, hey. Your okay." Eric was crouched by his side, not close enough to seem to pressure, but enough so that Alan knew he was close. "Charlie didn't mean anything he said, he just forgets to control himself. He would never hurt me or you." Eric's words were heard, but it was still hard for Alan to understand fully. His brain was on overdrive, his body was pumping too much adrenaline in his veins for Alan to be okay. Minutes passed, yet the world was still frozen to Alan. All he could think about was apologizing and trying to better.

"I'm sorry." Alan mound. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Alan didn't stop, he couldn't stop. Alan kept spouting sorry's as he rocked in his own world, begging to be forgiven by someone or something. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Alan got louder as his words became more sluggish. "I won't do it again. I'll do better. I'm sorry, sorry." His grip on his legs only tightened as he lost the grip on his own humanity as he spoke. "I'll do better, I'll be better. I promise- promise. I promise."

"Hey, Alan. Look at me." Eric grabbed Alan's arm as Alan tried to pull away as his sobs got.

"Please!" Alan was gone, lost to a memory of his past. Eric knew, he had seen it a thousand times with Charlie when they were younger. All he could do was watch as Alan fought the demons that were not real, at least, at this time.

"Come on, Alan." Eric had wrapped his arms around Alan, feeling lost and confused more than he had ever felt before. He too began to think of the past, when he was hugging Charlie instead Alan. Years of watching his older brother suffer by his own hands just to find that there were more like him. In a world so cruel yet so alive, Eric wondered if there was a person who wasn't damaged.

There was no peace, no love, just agonizing pain as Alan suffered. Charlie was in a daze, unsure of his life choices at this time. He thought he was ready to foster, move past his problems, and help others. But doubt began to grow as Alan's apologies died down. Something so small now so stressful.

"Is he okay?" Charlie was up, staring down at Alan's limp form that was mangled with Erics.

"He's fine, you should head to work before you're late," Eric murmured. "I will either take Alan to school or let him sleep. We can talk about this later." Eric quickly took the role of leader at this point.

"God," Charlie muttered. "God!" A loud crack shook the house as Charlie hit a table that dropped a glass object to the ground, shattering it across the floor.

"Really?" Eric sighed. "Smooth."

"Charlie said nothing as he walked towards the front door, grabbing his keys and leaving. Eric leaned back, away from Alan so they could separate.

"You can relax now." Alan pulled away from Eric, his face red with smudge tears dripping down his face. But the expression said otherwise, he didn't seem scared or lost, rather emotionless as he stared at Eric. "He's gone."

"Thanks," Alan sighed as he sat up straighter, wiping the tears off his face. "I think he might kill me," Alan mumbled.

"Nah," Eric sighed as he readjusted himself. "You scared him to a point of a mental breakdown which caused yours. What I didn't know is that you can stop crying when you want to, that's freaky bruh."

"Sorry, he scared me, what was I supposed to do? Not freak out?"

"Fair." Eric pulled himself up, then lifted his hand out for Alan. "Do you still want to go to school?"

"No," Alan thought of school with all the anxiety he had rushing through his body. "I think I will plot my apology and plan out my excuse." Alan didn't care to lie, he thought it was utterly useless at this time. Eric could read him like an open book, and Alan was beginning to realize why.

"Do you always have panic attacks? Flashbacks, memories like that?" Eric glanced at Alan

"Sometimes," Alan dared not look at Eric. "Rarely happens."

"Charlie is a good guy, he can understand what your going through. He just overreacted because of fear."

"If I was him," Alan smiled to himself. "I would have overreacted as well."