Chapter 6: Live for him

30 June 2095

Today, Caleb awoke earlier than normal so that he could visit Roy's grave before going to the register for the Ether test, which would probably take the entire day.

A gentle tiny hand dropped on his shoulder just as he was getting ready to leave the home for the cemetery.

"What are you doing up so early mum?" Caleb said as soon as he turned around.

Despite her feeble attempt at a grin, she was unable to disguise her worry for Caleb, who had not been acting in his true mood for the previous week.

"I know Roy's death has affected you greatly," She told Caleb with a soft voice, "but I don't want you to think you're alone on this. If you want to speak to me, you can, and I understand if you don't want to as well,"

Although he wasn't his mother's actual kid, she took such good care of him that Caleb faked a grin for her.

"Don't worry mum, this isn't an event I can forget, but I promise you that I will overcome this, with your help, and everyone else's help," He told his mother before kissing her on the cheek and opening the door to leave the house.

His mother couldn't contain her tears as they started drooling down her face.

"I will always be proud of you, just remember there are still people that love you and are willing to sacrifice everything for you,"

Caleb weakly smiled before shutting the door behind him and leaving his mother in the house alone.

Even though it was still early, folks were out for their morning runs.

Caleb was not sure whether he would have another chance to visit his friend's grave, therefore he wanted to do so sooner. He also felt bad every time he saw Roy's parents, so he didn't want to meet them.

Since the event, Lizz had been out dealing with reports with the Magus academy for extended stretches of time, from early in the morning until late at night.

'Ever since this demon has been inside of me, I feel like it's harder for me to express my emotions. Or maybe it's just me that's finding it hard to express myself...

I mean why wouldn't I feel emotionless after all that has happened? Lizz basically told me that the only option for me now is to become a Magus, but the thing is, I don't want to become a Magus... I don't want to fight demons for a living, I don't even feel any sort of need to avenge Roy. The only problem here is, seeing how things are going, there is no way the Magus Academy would ever let me live if I don't choose the path of a Magus. If I were them, I'd probably get rid of myself if I were to refuse to be a Magus. That means there is probably only one choice for me if I dont want to get killed...'

Given that Caleb was lost in contemplation the whole time, the stroll appeared to go by much more quickly. He went inside the cemetery and approached Roy's grave marker.

He noticed a woman standing in front of the headstone after he arrived at the location a few metres away. It was a young woman with blonde hair who he recognised as Maya.

Caleb went to the gravestone without even observing her and placed the rose he had brought with him on the grave. He then took a few moments to stand next to Maya in front of the headstone.

"Were you one of his friends?" May then asked turning her head to Caleb and breaking the silence.

"Yes, I was," Caleb responded without looking back at her.

"Oh, well I bet you might be in a better position than me to know how kind of a person Roy was..." She responded warmly.

Her voice was as sweet and friendly as the last time he had met her a week ago.

"Yes he was, and maybe I wasn't a good enough friend for him after all," Caleb replied.

"Why would you think that?"

"... I made a few stupid decisions in the past, and these decisions affected him too. But even despite that, he would always be there for me when I needed it. It's only now that he's gone that I realise how lucky of a person I was to be friends with such a cool person,"

Maya watched Caleb as she listened to what he had to say, then she cocked her head and grinned after hearing what he had to say.

"I can already tell you're a good person who cares about his friends," she replied to him, "if you want me to be honest, I have a boyfriend, and I liked him in the first stage of our relationship, but now, I just feel like I'm trying to grab onto a robe that has already been cut a long time ago. When I met Roy, his kindness and carefree personality were something that I loved. To be fair, I think I started to fall for him at some point..."

Maya's confession to someone she doesn't even recognise astonished Caleb when he finally turned to look at her.

"I still feel guilty for falling for someone else while I'm in a relationship, but guilt is something that can drag you to the bottom of the ocean. Obviously, you can't just forget what you have done, but you can live with it, and accept is a mistake you've made in your life. As for whatever mistake you've made with Roy, I think the best thing you can do now is live on with it, and most importantly, enjoy life not for yourself, but for him too,"

Caleb gave Maya's counsel serious consideration and concluded that it was sound.

'It might be hard to admit, but she's probably right... my guilt is something that can't be taken away. At the end of the day, I still have a role to play in Roy's death, but at this point, there is nothing I can do about it. I will still live on with this guilt filling my heart, but at least, I will still have a reason to live. If I'm still alive today, it's because Roy saved me, so I'm not gonna live for me, but I'm gonna for me and Roy..."

"It's nice to see two friends of Roy come and visit him," Beside them, Roy's mother had come to see her son.

"Caleb, it's nice seeing you here," She said before hugging him.

Maya was shocked to hear Roy's mother refer to the athletic, good-looking lad in front of her as Caleb.

'How in the world is that Caleb... I remember one week ago he was as skinny as a stick!' She thought, but she didn't dare say anything for now.

"Good morning Ms Uther," Caleb responded.

Then Ms. Uther turned to Maya and grinned at her before advancing to lay the flowers on the monument. The two teenagers retreated to make room for her.

After setting the flowers down, she closed her eyes for a brief period of prayer. She then opened her eyes and looked at the two teenagers.

"Roy was a very social person, but one thing I can agree on is that he never chose the wrong friend," She said as she looked at both of them.

"Caleb, I know you feel guilty about what happened," she said, "it's so easy to see it, especially when someone who is always motivated loses all his emotions. But I don't want you to feel any guilt or any sort of debt you have to pay toward us. Remember, you are part of our family, never forget that. We don't want you to continue living your life feeling any guilt for something you are not responsible for. You are not the one who killed him, and Roy trusted you as his best friend. And if even after that you still feel you have to pay a debt to us, then you will only pay it back once you live a happy life, find a woman you love, and build a healthy family, do you understand me?"

" *Sigh*, I guess I have a debt to pay you back now..." Caleb said smiling at Roy's mother.

"That's what I like to hear from you, never let your emotions take advantage of you, or make you into someone you normally aren't..."

"Yes ma'am" Caleb replied.

Caleb made the decision to live with his guilt but not let it control him, even though he still feels it deeply within him. There may be moments when you feel as though the world is filled with nothing but darkness and emptiness, but you must never allow this darkness to replace what makes you human. Although seeking revenge or anything like that may be alluring, it will never make you feel at peace. Once you feel as though you have replaced this guilt with enjoyment, only then can you find serenity.

For Caleb, the only way to satisfy this guilt is to live the life Roy and he would have wanted and to continue living for everyone else.

"Oh... I never thought of asking you Caleb, now that you've graduated, what you aspire to become?"

"You told me last time you wanted to become an explorer didn't you?" Maya said looking at Caleb.

Caleb, though, closed his eyes and cast a really relieved gaze upward. He exhaled deeply and then opened his eyes once more to say:

"I gonna become a Magus..."

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Author: Sorry for the boring chapters, things will get more interesting once we pass the Ether tests.