Chapter twenty.

David O'connell Narrating:

I remained alert, the fact of having a gun near me again made me nervous, I scratched my nails on the padded seat on the bench quickly.

We faced each other again without saying anything, she seemed to be angry that they had searched Cassandra even knowing her mental condition.

- How could you be so hostile to Cassandra?- she frowned, I questioned. - Anyone could see that she wouldn't do anything?

I stared at her in silence, standing motionless, staring at the people in the window. The absence of an answer made her uneasy.

- Oh, you're not going to say anything?

I looked over my shoulder to the side of the bench.

My chest rose with a deep breath. - Penelope, I can't discuss things about the case with you. But, I understand your concern, we didn't mean it that way.

My mind was somehow in confusion when I smelled Penelope's cinnamon scent, she ran her hand through her wet hair, and looked at me sideways.

All this pomp of indifference to her had fallen away before I wished it, before I wanted it. All the work I put into having a heart of ice was useless around her; every time her thick lips lowered, it made me sad, as if the iceberg in her chest was slowly thawing.

- Have you ever lost someone, David? I mean... Oh, never mind sorry.

- No, no need to apologize. - I bowed my head in an attempt to break the silence, and cleared my throat. - Actually yes, I have. I'm a widower.

- And how was it? - She leaned back in her seat, her huge eyelashes moving and blinking a lot. - How did she die?

- She was murdered.

I didn't like to talk about losing Ana, because somehow I felt guilty, I didn't say anything else whenever I talked about Ana tears I couldn't hold back, it all happened at night we were at dinner. Years before I had arrested a man.

He bribed me to lie in my statement, but I did not accept and reported his attitude. He got twelve years for what he did.

But, got out in five years later for good behavior, he broke into my house in order to get revenge. Then, the same night he got out, he

- I'm sorry. - She squeezed his hand on her arm. - I'm sorry if it was rude of me to ask.

- It's all right. - I pressed my lips together, looking into her eyes. - I'm sorry about your friend.

Hours later:

Narrated by Penélope Martínez:

We quickly made our way to the beach. The house was sparsely populated, yet it had too many people for my current social skills.

People passing by without noticing my existence there, until they did, and those who did, wanted to ask me how long I had been clean, about how I was doing after the divorce, they didn't seem to see my embarrassment and pure uninterest in the old subject.

This only made me get out of my comfort zone and put me in a vase for display.

And I hated it, I wondered how I loved acting being so intimate sometimes, I was indifferent to the glasses of wine passing by on silver trays with the waiters.

David had moved away a little with my mother, I leaned against the wall in a corner away from people.

I sat down on the second-to-last step of the stairs, remembering how nice it was to walk into that house tasting like hot chocolate, doing make-up on each other, marathon series like Dawson's Creek, and always crying together when Jen died.

I leaned against the floor, when I felt cold hands put themselves on my eyes.

- Who is it? - I exclaimed quickly, my lips curving into a toothless smile.

- Well, the only person besides you who knows how terrible peanut butter and jelly are together.

I jumped up from my step to hug him, Gio was only sixteen years old but looked thirteen, he was one of those little boys, short in stature, and to top it all off he had a face full of freckles. However, his personality made him stand out, Gio was adorable, he had a certain fondness for old things, well before his time, his favorite movie was ET.

I loved spending summers at Sebastian's house and taking care of his little brother, I remember his first word was in Spanish, thanks to me.

- My goodness gracious! You're huge. - I pulled him into the hug. - I missed you.

- All this time we haven't spoken, I've been worried about you. - He fixed his glasses. - I hate to see you on such a bad occasion.

- Yes, it still hasn't sunk in that she's gone.

- Actually, we haven't lost her.

He exclaimed, pulling out of the hug, and shook his head, running his left hand through his freshly shaved red hair.

- We only lost her physically. She will never go away as long as we remember her, the people we love stay forever in our hearts.

A tear instantly fell from my left eye. - You are always too deep for an adolent. - I wiped my eyes with my index finger.

- Almost adult, almost adult...- he corrected with his funny way of moving back and forth.

I ran my tongue over my lips, moistening them. I tasted mint from the gum I had swallowed through my lips, staring at Gio, who lowered his head, fixing his tie in a suit that was three times his size.

- But tell me, how are you doing? Do you still dream of being the next Tarantino?

I asked, descending the two steps to the floor, and he did the same, closing his face in sadness.

He took a deep breath. - Actually, I'm fine. I came here to talk to you because I'm desperate. It's about Sebastian.

He put his hands together, I scratched the back of my neck. Until him? I questioned what it was, it was like running through a maze, I found myself tired of running and ending up in the same place over and over again, on the same subject.

- Really, Pen! You know I have always respected that you don't want to talk about this, much less with him. But, like it or not, he still listens to you.

- I don't understand, Gio. - I frowned, doubtfully. I ran my hands through my long, loose shoulder-length hair. - What's going on?

- Sebastian tried to kill himself, days before he went to visit Casandra. - He puffed out his chest, gasping for air. - He went to my room, and took my medicine, and I found him unconscious. I'm afraid he'll do it again, please talk to him. No, I know Pen! I'm desperate.

In the midst of all this hurricane, I never stopped to think what it would be like for me if Sebastian were to die.

Because in spite of how everything turned out, he was important to me, I blinked a lot. He was! Losing him would be like losing little free Penelope, running around the set with him in order to get away from doing her homework.

I drew in a breath, looking up at him, put my hands on his shoulder. - Don't worry, I'll go talk to him right now.

I walked through the crowd, and saw him standing alone outside the house. Sebastian's hair was flying in the cold wind from the beach, and I could see that he was red with cold with both hands on his coat.

He looked away, surprised. - What are you doing here? - Sebastian raised his eyebrows.

I stood there in front of him, saying nothing. He closed his eyes for a second, contracting his jaw, he glanced back directly at the house.

- Oh, my God! He told you, didn't he? You don't have to worry about me," he shifted his feet. - As much as it's good to see you, I'm not at my best, but I'm fine now.

- We both know that if it's gotten to this point you need help, maybe a therapist, or I don't know.

He interrupted me, looking away, his eyes no longer meeting mine, as if he were running away.

- Penelope, let's be honest here, part of you knows that I deserve to go through this, for what I did to you. - He shrugged, hunching his broad shoulders. -Maybe it's the universe's revenge that I feel this terrible.

I brushed the hair out of my face that insisted on crossing my eyes, stared at that expanse of sand watching the rough sea.

- You know, why am I really here? Because I care. Don't you think it doesn't hurt me to know that both of you died? Sebastian, deep down I cared about you even all this time that we've all been apart.

I crossed my arms over my chest, ignoring the schedules and comments.

- I felt a lot of hate, anger, resentment. But never indifference. And that's why I can't be indifferent to you now, to your pain, at this moment. They were my friends too..." I raised my palms.

- I'm so angry about everything.

The cold came out of his mouth when he let out a breath, when he exclaimed immediately afterwards, as if to let it all out.

- Add to that I'm tired of everyone looking at me weird, it's so unbearable, it's like being uncomfortable in my own skin. I have to keep myself busy all the time, because if I stop, even for a minute, all I think about is how much I hurt him and how much I was hurt.

The wind blew and I cringed along with him, Sebastian was much taller than me, my head was up looking at him, I could see in his green eyes sincerity, weariness and sadness, a lot of sadness.

- You need to be surrounded by the people you love, your father, Gio, even your mother... And of course seek treatment.

- Yeah, whose suit do you think Gio is wearing? He came running here weeks ago, he didn't even pack his bags, he won't leave me alone even to go to the bathroom.

I smiled, knowing that it was just like Gio, he cared about his brother. But, a strange mood suddenly settled in the air.

I moved, feeling so cold, for a moment I couldn't move my fingers between the leather boot, I stopped wanting to move but my legs remained fixed on the ground.

- I propose we put a stone in this matter, at least for today. - I said without thinking, turned my mouth to the left side, put all my hair that was fighting with the wind back.

- Pen... - He called out to me, then lowered his head, pressing his cracked lips together. - You don't have to do this...

- I'm not doing it just for us. But mostly for Francine, she would hate to see us fighting today.

- If you insist. - He shrugged. - I agree, to be honest there's something I've been dying to ask you.

- And what would that be? - I held my mouth still, my lips trembling with cold.

- Were your parents really determined to get married... or? Because I've always been a big fan of the idea of them getting married ever since I've known them. - His wide lips curved into a smile. - Well, first let's go inside, I know how cold you are.

- I'm not cold. - I tucked my hair behind my ears, rubbing my palms together.

- Penelope, you're almost blue. Let's go inside!

Next thing I knew I was explaining how my parents were crazy enough to get married like that out of the blue. And we laughed briefly together, that's when Audrey gathered everyone on the beach.

We stood in a circle, near a fire. Audrey had her hair pinned up, and a filled look on her face as she held a half crumpled piece of paper in her hands, and her brown eyes ran down the paper.

- Audrey, watching you I could see that you are always seeing the worst in yourself. You need to be reminded that you are beautiful and I am here for that. If you look from the inside out and from the outside in, you realize that the beauty you carry in you goes far beyond your appearance. No matter what your mother says, you do have some talent inside you. Enter this universe that is you and remember your trajectory up to this point, see how important you were and are in this world. Have affection and care for yourself, I guarantee that little by little you will learn to love who you really are.

She took a deep breath. - This letter was given to me by Francine when we were both fourteen to fifteen, she told me to read it whenever I was feeling lonely. I kept that letter for all those years, and in fact both the letter and Francine never left me alone.

Audrey sobbed, looking around. I shook my head in agreement with her, and by now my eyes were wet, and I couldn't hold back the tears.

- This was her, always trying to bring out the best in people, always making them smile. In the last year, as we all know, she became a mother, and that brought out the best in her. And that's how I want to remember her, this joyful, funny, responsible person and mother. And I know that if it's up to all of us here, Mariah will grow up knowing from her aunts and uncles and grandfathers and grandmothers how special her mother was.

She turned and walked to the sea, right there in front of the house where she was raised, I waved goodbye to my friend. This is how she wanted something simple where Francine would want it to be.

When Audrey threw her ashes into the sea, I quickly wrapped my arms around myself, hugged myself, and in a senseless way tried to warm my heart, before the sadness cooled it, that night a part of me was dying with her.

Whoever did this had no heart! On that cursed night with clear blue skies dark with the brightness of the stars dimmed by the city light, my trust in people and love was dying. I believe in both being buried together, and in the midst of tears.

I hugged myself even tighter, but at that moment there was no use in being strong, at that moment nothing warmed me, nothing made sense.

David came closer I could feel it before I got so close just by his scent, and put his arms around my shoulders, hugging me, I continued crying with my head against his chest.

The cotton fabric was somehow warm, I was trying to warm a part of my face that hurt, but in that moment I felt warmed and not only climatically, his eyes met mine.

and I saw his heart also knew what that pain was, loss.

I couldn't help but notice hope in the green immensity that painted his pupil, David carried a hopeful gaze like a flame that believed it could beat a storm.

I closed my eyes feeling them wet, someone started singing Mariah Carey's "Without You". Francine was Mariah's number one fan, there wasn't a day that she didn't listen in the car. We started to sing together, in a chorus there saying goodbye to her.