Had I Known

Adrian's POV:

Pulling myself together had been extremely the most difficult task lately. I could barely even help myself to a glass of water. I went a couple of days starving myself to death. I lost my appetite and literally, was losing myself too. I cared less about my health.

The nights became longer, with my eyes unable to shut itself. No matter how effective my trials were, I couldn't get a peaceful rest. My situation was helpless. Unending questions flooded my mind in the dark nights. I only wished I had the right answers to them.

I kept wondering why I didn't see all these coming before time. Why were the hidden truths revealed when it was beyond late? My heart was filled with emptiness. Within me, I tasted pure bitterness.

Kendall fooled me into playing her dirty games. It made me drain my mind to think I wasn't good enough. Perhaps, I didn't sacrifice a lot? All my love was gone. I lost everything. I lost everyone! My parents. Mateo. Kendall. I was devastated.

My heart was bleeding. It felt like being stabbed forcefully with a blunt knife in the chest. Kendall didn't only ruin me, she took away my happiness, my peace of mind. She took away the people I could lean my back on if matters similar to this arose.

She forced me to hate myself for who she made me become. It hurt me deeper that I still loved her, despite the terrible situation I faced. I couldn't stop myself from holding unto the feelings. It remained effortless.

Every night, I still wished she was in my arms. I wished she was still mine. I wished she stayed in my life till my dying moments. The thoughts of her clouded my mind every now and then. I couldn't easily get her off my mind.

I missed the old Kendall. I missed all the memories. Our first kiss, our first date night, our long talks, our arguments, our cuddles, hangouts. It was too much to get over.

Every photo in my gallery digged out more memories of us. It was hard to delete them off. I just couldn't. Did she really expect me to move on that easily? Why was my trust put to test? Was it a crime to love someone? Do good people tend to always get hurt?

As my life went on every fucking day, I wrestled with my inner mind. I fought hard with my emotions. I tried to be strong. I tried to believe in myself. I had to be more realistic of what befell me. Everything I had genuinely worked for, all went in vain.

I couldn't figure out if my parents were in good health. I didn't fucking know if they were still on the surface of the Earth. I blamed myself for everything that had happened and now, all I could say was 'had I known'.

At what point was I gonna carry-on with my miserable life when the lives of my parents were at risk? The investigation of their kidnap was still ongoing, but I had lost hope completely. I didn't have a hint concerning why she chose to keep my parents under her captive.

I was passing through a hell lot of things.