Dominik Faces the Night and His Own Heart

Dominik didn't want to take a taxi. The evening was pleasant and warm enough that his elegant clothes gave him sufficient protection against the gentle cold. The elegant suit did not match the somewhat neglected buildings in Praga, but he did not mind. It was Andrzej's neighborhood and he wanted to see it peacefully while walking along the streets that the photographer had traveled every day since childhood.

Just like the night they walked these streets together.

There was one more very important reason why he did not want to return to his home at this point.

The fresh air and the coffee made him feel better, and neither his head nor his heart were overwhelmed by Marek anymore. Dominik wanted to think a few things over before meeting Andrzej's eyes today.

It was the definitive end with Marek. Something he once enjoyed was now repulsive. The mouth and hands he loved so much now only hurt him. The closeness of Marczak caused him only fear and disgust. He would never, ever come back to him. He didn't even understand how he could ever feel anything warm towards this man.

Had he ever loved Marek? He wondered as he looked at the shop windows and the neon lights. Was it love or some sick attachment? He remembered how it started.

"When I saw you, I thought you would go a long way with such a pretty face, but it turned out that you really have talent. You were great, little one. You really impressed me ... "

Sweet words, a big world, exciting events and finally an ever more sensitive touch. When Marek stroked his cheek for the first time, Dominik was happy to be caressed. Another beautiful words, timid assurances about devotion, that Marek will do anything for him. They were getting closer and closer so the first kiss, although a bit strange, was quite pleasant. The first kiss in Dominik's life.

Was Marek always like this?

No, Dominik realized. In part, yes, he was calculating, ambitious, and had specific desires, but at first he was kind and nice to him. Neither of them had been to the top yet, so they enjoyed a certain freedom. They could laugh together and really enjoy each other in bed. Those were good times and they seemed to share their love. Marek really did a lot to get his lover a role. Dominik felt that all of the manager's hard work and his sacrifice came from love.

Then he discovered his first romance.

He forgave him because he wanted to believe it was only a temporary infatuation.

The next one forgave, because it was just an adventure, after all, Dominik is his love ...

Marek began to demand more and more from him. Sometimes his demands hurt Dominik. He fulfilled them because he loved. He himself began to feel empty, however. The sex itself was great, but aside from it, they were getting more and more apart. Eventually, their face-to-face meetings began to focus solely on the physical sensations. They did not talk, did not laugh together, did not share their joys or sorrows.

Śliwiński did not remember if everything changed suddenly or if it happened slowly. He did not realize how badly it was between them until he met Andrzej. A complete stranger, the paparazzi - the natural enemy of the stars - showed him more warmth and support than the man who said he loved him.

It hurt to realize how empty his relationship with Marek had gotten. His own naivety hurt more, though.

Now Dominik knew one thing - whatever had existed between him and Marek in the past, good or bad, was now completely over.

After all, everything happened because of Andrzej. It was he who took the compromising photos of Dominik having sex with his manager and he warned him that such photos could sell really well. The deal Dominik had with a stranger photographer terrified him, but allowed him to open his eyes to several issues. If he wasn't ready to reveal his orientation, he should be more careful.

Dominik did not know why Marek reacted so violently to his request that they stop seeing each other for a while. His excuse that he loved him too much was incomprehensible. After all, Dominik loved him too, and he did not ask them to break up with each other, but to limit their contacts beyond professionalism for a while.

What happened next was a nightmare. The actor did not even want to think what would happen to him if not for Andrzej.

From day to day, in minutes to minutes, Dominik began to feel more and more attached to Andrzej. At first it was only gratitude, but then he began to be accompanied by other warm thoughts and emotions towards his savior. For many years, since Śliwiński started acting in films, Nowicki was the first person, apart from Marek, with whom he could really be himself. And recently, even before he received the envelope with the photo, even with Marek he could not feel completely at ease. Something was going wrong between them, and the appearance of Andrzej allowed Dominik to see it.

'And if I had understood for myself how empty my relationship with Marek had become, would I have had the courage to end it, would I have remained in it despite the pain?'

Dominik sighed. The question was completely rhetorical.

Without Andrzej, without his courage, strength and warmth, he would not even have thought that there could be anything beyond living with Marek, whatever it was.

Śliwiński walked the night streets of Praga enjoying the fresh air. Before he met Nowicki, he would never have done it. Even now he knew that such a walk could be a little dangerous, but for the first time he felt something he had forgotten existed - freedom.

Freedom, a sense of security, the awareness that he has the right to be himself and, above all, to be happy - all these were gifts from Andrzej. During the two months of their relationship, the photographer offered him so much that Dominik's heart was full of warmth and love.

Love?

Śliwiński felt a sharp prick in his chest. He felt hot.

Love?

'I think about him, I dream about him, I love his company, his face, his strength, his good heart, the fact that he gave up so many things just to save me from loneliness, pain and loss.

I think about him, I want him, but he ...

He's not gay.'

The pain of this awareness was terrible. To love without the slightest hope of reciprocity, although you see this dear face every day, you hear his voice every day ... Dominik knew that if he made a confession, he might lose Andrzej's friendship, but it was Nowicki who taught him courage. Andrzej will not push him away, not brutally, like Marczak, he was too good a man for that. Even when he rejects his confession, he will not do so cruelly.

Confession…

Dominik could pass his whole life in silence, after all he knew how the secret was hiding, but he did not want to lie to Andrzej. Not to him.

Anyone but him.