New paths and sad goodbyes

Ode to the soul that sees

beyond the twists

of nerves and cells that

make the life of you;

that u're galaxies and their collisions.

;to the soul that sees beyond

the perfect imperfections

and kiss your wounds

nonetheless.

Clouds rode over each other resembling the foams on sea face. Up and above, the heavens looked as though soft tidal waves had taken the place of clouds, it was flooded with the setting sun's light - a golden evening; everything was extraordinarily beautiful, it looked like art, she was living in a canvas.

"which do you love most,

sunset or sunrise" she grinned.

" you, I love you the most"

he said and she laughed so hard her abdomen was beginning to ache. She couldn't stop.

"I'm always a joke to you?"

" No, you know it's not that" her lashes fluttering as she tried glimpsing his face, there was a screen, too much light blinding her sight. she didn't see anyone.

"So long you're laughing"

Snapping her gaze away, her cheek flushing with warm blood. Shyness coiled round her firmly holding her prisoner as she tried upholding a straight stance under the weight of the lingering gaze. she looked at the sea, westward, the glowing ball of red orange was half hidden, spraying the sea face with it's shade. The water glimmered, in it's heart flowed the image of a molten sun, moving calm and noiseless nonetheless, just like her heart full of life and light and at ease. Happy and tranquil, she felt she could live in the moment forever.

"I don't want to leave this place. It's so beautiful here"

"wait till you're past this trimester, and we'll see if you can still make it here"

" I'll come, try me"

" well I trust there's nothing my qamar can't do." he pulled her into his side and she rested, nestling her face between the crown of his shoulder and his neck. Her steadied heartbeat syncing with his. It felt like home, one she didn't want to run away from. "Finally" she breathed painless.

Fluttering awake with a different feel fostering in her chest. the rolling ceiling fan knocked her out of reverie reminding her that it was only a dream.

Disappointed she wrapped her sheets around herself again. recapturing images of the beautiful scenery, she wanted to conserve the peace, the steady rhythm of her beating heart. For a while, she hadn't awoken to a headache or heartache. even if it was not true, she coveted it. The serenity was unreal, it unstrained the painfully beating muscles of her worrisome heart. bit by bit, every ounce of anguish she earlier awoke with was unwrapped and she truly, in real, breathed painless.

The day was at its prime and dawn was her time. The time she was truly alive, for herself before her mother's nagging, her sister's smugness.

Shaking off the sloth of early morning, she got out of bed relishing the untainted air of the time they were yet to wake. Standing at the veranda of their humble home, she looked over her sleepy neighborhood. It was a modest place, the typical settlement of the average Nigerian. It was spectacularly beautiful when much of its resident slept, when all the slovenliness of the neighborhood seem to disappear under the dawn light, it looked like perfection. Their home was a bit on an elevated ground and she could look over the many other houses except a few high rise buildings, the tallest being a recently constructed mast that blinked red complimenting perfectly the deep blue of dawn. the few ornamental trees that stood scattered scarcely waved tireless and it was the standout aesthetic of the rather plain neighborhood. She walked through the backyard, her plants were thriving and it gave her heart ease. Planting things had been a sort of remedy. thankfulness for the little blessings that she could manage a small garden in the dwelling that was theirs, it was previously owned by her uncle before relocating and transferring it in their mother's name. with two rooms and a sitting room that could stomach two more, she couldn't ask for too much.

Salima prized minimalism and tidy ness and regretted how their home could have been more beautiful and spick if it wasn't a relic, a pile of many old and useless stuff her mother refused to give away thrown here and there. It wouldn't take a minute guess for any visitor to smell their hoarding habit. Plus the fact that her mother and sister didn't care much for tidy ness, they dumped the cleaning on her and she couldn't do it all because they kept messing places up like toddlers who can't keep their things In check. salima was not ashamed of their house, she just hated to be attached with dirt as they had managed to turn one side of their home to a dump ground. she exhausted herself everyday maintaining the decency of their house and no matter how much she did it ,it was always looking shabby and untidy. If it had been hers, no matter how small she would make paradise of it. there would be many fine little things that would make her happy, it would be a place of flowers and trees, but with whom was she to share her tiny world of joy. Salima waved off the thought and faced the reality of coming day.

Doing her chores more hearty than she usually did, before the streams of morning light of Sundays got harsh, she was done. The clothes were washed. house was cleaned and mopped, Iman was to handle breakfast. salima made sure to leave no stone unturned so her mother had no excuse to hold her back, delay her trip to Habiba's house.

"is it one day you're spending there?"

Salima saw the displeased look on her mother's face as she looked for what to wear. It took a lot of begging to have her mother agree she slept over at Habiba's house. Habiba had to reschedule it to fall on Salima's free day, sunday.

"I'll be back tomorrow morning.I'll come straight to the store"

without any more word, her mother turned her back. Her mother hated her leaving the house, not because she wanted her around but because she wanted Salima to be present for every chore.

" who do you expect to pack your clothes when they're dry." her voice reverberated the empty corridor.

" I'll ask Iman"

their home was probably the only one in the world where she knew they didn't do things for each other without pleading. It was an on your own situation. they lived like strangers, unfriendly strangers.

Salima continued digging her bag looking for a suitable dress. She hadn't much cloth aside festive clothes which would be too elaborate if she wore out on normal days, she was only visiting a friend. She picked out an abaya, although her mother had complained too many times she looked unflattering in black and plain dresses and wore it too many times, it was the easiest fix for her.

She didn't care how unflattering she was, it wasn't that she was attractive, Salima sometimes considered herself close to ugly. she was a replication of her father in a female mould and more softened features. Her nose was like his, long and protruding on her very small face. Her large eyes stood apart the wooden bridge of her nose and her lips, thin and small almost non existent. Her complexion resembled Indian chai with a little dose of chocolate. It wasn't the trait combination that anyone would consider striking, she was ordinary, odd and close to plain. Salima sometimes wished she could have had her mother's genes. It bothered her when her mother would recklessly drop comments about her appearance. Her mother's fear was that she wouldn't have much prospect in the suitor market let alone attract a rich husband and Salima wasn't trying hard enough to polish her looks, to try to be pleasing in manners the very least. Salima wasn't for the cliche good girl with no face, she just couldn't care if looks were what would keep men. If she wanted to care then it would be because she wanted to feel good about looking good. She saw how nice her sister and mother looked in anything and she liked it. they were pretty women and it felt like a blunder in evolution they shared same blood with her. it was hard to guess her mother was her biological mother, they shared no physical semblance. Her mother and Iman were pleasing to look at, they were both beautiful mirrors of each other, sculpted slim faces, trimmed nose, purplish dark upper lip and a peach lower one. Unblemished skin and clean-faced unlike her.

Sitting in front of the mirror, she picked at her face that had been plagued with acne longer than she knew. puberty was a bit too early for her and her mother didn't care about guiding her young daughter's hands on her spilling hormones, she didn't even notice when Salima had gotten pimples, she only saw when they had turned scar and Salima already had too much of them to show to the world that her mother never spared a damn when it came to her. She traced her sunburnt forehead, it contrasted her rarely in the sun hands, it had been long since she had a good look in any mirror and didn't know when her blemishes got too bad. The lilac veil shade she planned on wearing would outline how stained her face was and she changed her mind. putting a black wrap instead, she was in total black.

"Iman, please can you help pack my clothes when they're dry" Iman was scrolling her phone, she turned to look at Salima "are you wearing that out?"

"Is anything wrong with it" Salima looked over herself through the mirror a second time.

"nothing that bad, it just looks like you're heading for a funeral"

" I haven't much choices to make from unlike you" Iman blinked fast taken unawares by Salima. two of them knew how partial their mother was when it came to their clothing. their clothes were mostly adjustments of her own old ones, when she was done wearing it. she could spare extra money for first grade clothes when it came to Iman, her excuse was Iman had outgrown most clothes and needed new ones more than Salima as she was petite and would fit in many old clothes.

"I'll help you with the dresses when they're dry" Iman finished, the guilt got heavy on her face and she deigned to let Salima see it.

"and say hello to Habiba, for me"

"Thank you and of course I would" she smiled waving away the awkwardness of Iman's sudden interest in matters concerning her.

Turning her back on a house that reminded her of hell on earth than any other thing, she hastened away and boarded the first tricycle that had come in sight. Salima reminisced how Habiba and she had become friends, it was in junior class two when Habiba had lied in her defense and saved her from punishment of their very strict prep mistress. They had walked to the hostel that day, and read together after then. Habiba knew math better and helped Salima through, Salima knew natural sciences. It was the first time she knew selflessness, she had only being raised to look after her own back because nobody else would, everyone in the world was only looking out for themselves and she did same. Habiba had shared meals with her when she had run out of stuff, when her father had lied of his financial struggle leaving her with nothing but the meagre school food to depend on, she had been patient and uncomplaining. it was Habiba's sharp eyes that noticed her protruding collar bone. All Habiba did for her expecting nothing, she felt forever indebted.she owed her a lot. It made her eyes sting how kind Habiba had been and still was, how she had been a lifeline at her time of lack and had been a lot more than she ever could be for her. She had done things for her, things her own family would think twice before doing. In the cold world, habiba had been the tender fire that reminded her of something like warmth. They had been away first when they had changed schools and only kept in touch through phones and a few visits but now Habiba was to go away, finally. In another country where she might never put foot.

"I'll stop here" she alerted the rider as she wiped a lone tear that found it's way out. She paid her fare and looked over the towering gate before ringing the doorbell.

"who you dey find" the man observed her skeptically through a small opening.

"I'm Habiba's friend, she knows I'm coming" she explained to the man who was obviously a new worker.

He squinted his eyes about to question her once more when she heard a voice tackle him from behind.

"Ya Mallam, I was expecting her.

Please stop riddling her with too many questions"

he opened the gate finally letting her in to view her friend, Habiba's gap tooth that reminded her of her grandma's flashing at her.

"You know I have to be careful,it's not safe around nowadays, they even use young women as bait" he said in their native tongue. barely listening,Habiba flew past him holding Salima in a choking embrace, for the first time she was happy to be in an embrace.

" She's harmless, so gentle she won't even hurt a fly" habiba answered him releasing Salima like she understood her need for air.

" welcome madam" he greeted grinning at the two of them like it reminded him of a time when he once felt the truth of friendship.

"thank you sir"

"I thought you said you lost weight, your hand looks like my lap and your cheeks are rounder than melons " Salima commented and Habiba laughed. Again, they both broke into laughter and Salima's cheek was aching from grinning for too long.

" how about you have something first, greet mama and then we start planning our evening, all the gists I've missed.

One day is not enough, I swear I've missed you" she hugged Salima again

"and I missed you too" the words left her mouth with weight and she was not repulsed to utter it.

"Let me get you some juice and cake for a start, my friend and cousins would be coming later so now let's just talk talk and talk" Habiba skipped away and Salima took her time to admire the spick and span of their home, it was clean and smelt cool and refreshing. she liked the simplicity yet elegant choice of decors. Habiba had always boasted of her mother's connoisseur skills and Salima never tired to take in the beauty of the house every single time she visited.

The sitting room was in mint green and ash shade. The leather couches were mint green stationed against the two colored wall. the curtains were high, rich viscous clothing flowing downwards. the ash was deep and looked the burn remnants of the incense that had died out. the floral oil painting beside a long see-through wardrobe with an array of crafted ceramic pots made her want to possess one of them. The grey black tiles shone so well, Salima could see her reflection. Everything had its place plus the peace and quiet of the environment made her reluctant always to leave.

" here" Habiba placed a tray of two cake slices and orange juice before her and Salima looked up to see her mother follow behind.

"good afternoon ma" salima greeted.

" How are you, my big girl" the woman gave her a big smile just like she did on the the very first time she had encountered her. it was on a visiting day in their boarding house when she insisted on seeing Salima. she had been teaching Habiba and her mother had been impressed at her improvement. She had nicknamed Salima big girl an irony of her small girlish body that she still hadn't grown out of.

Habiba's mother was a tender woman with a warm aura that touched anyone. The woman had been an academic before retiring and had publications in her name. Salima harbored a secret admiration for her and wished to be the kind of woman, the woman who knew and could be more than what the symmetry of her face defined. A woman with a polished mind, the kind that was unbending to the caprices of the male race and knew life had too many other things to offer. the kind that was liberated from living her whole life wound the world of pleasing the other gender. A woman with a full purse. It was all Salima's heart wish and she prayed God answered it.

"I know how shy you are, let's stay in my room instead. It's where it would be happening after all" Habiba said as she carried Salima's untouched cake.

"Mummy, we don't want to bother you" Habiba excused herself from the sitting room.

"sure my girls" her mother's stance was cool.

Opening the door to her room, Salima threw herself on the extra furniture and devoured the cakes admiring the setup, Habiba had refurbished her room.

"It's tasty, you made it?" She asked.

"No, mama did. there's a lot more to eat, wait till the show starts"

Salima envied that her Habiba's mother could go as far for an ordinary friends get-together, she wished she wouldn't be reminded of how wrong the tie between her mother and she was, everytime.

"Lucky you" she uttered barely audibly as Habiba was skimming through her bag

"your nightie is so big, looks like something an English opera singer would wear on a show" Habiba laughed.

" I suppose my grandma was a bit fancy of vintage fashion, I got it from her" Salima's countenance was grim, she wished she could tell she got her finest dresses from her grandma.

"I'm sorry, didn't mean to remind you.

I didn't know....

I pray she's in a better abode"

"Aameen and it's fine please, I know you don't" Salima puffed and soon brought up another talk to dispel the air of sobriety.

" Are you doing any decors?. tell me all you've planned"

" they'll be no need for that. I'm not really sure what will suit us all. I just want the evening to flow, planning would ruin it." It was the major difference of their personality that Salima planned aforehand, Habiba just let things happen.

" Sounds old timey catchy. I like it already"

"how have you been?" asked Habiba

" your complexion's dimmed and your eyes look tired.are you fine?"

" I'm good. everything's fine. adulting is stressful" Salima's muscle relaxed as she laid on the couch. The feeling she got in the house was ethereal. why couldn't her home just be. why couldn't her life. Why couldn't her mother. why couldn't it just be right for her.

" It's your party, remember"

when it came to spilling, everytime she got the chance Salima never held back she didn't even know when she was doing too much till a reflective afternoon had made her reason how she was so consumed in her own problem she forgot to know how to look out for others, ask after their own issues. to be happy for others.

"I know when you say cool, it's really I don't want to talk about anything"

"Well there's nothing about me. I'm here for you. It's you who's leaving after all" The minutes that came after were awfully quiet. it could be sensed Salima was cloaking unshared secrets.

"My father insists and I want to go,

Egypt is a lovely place. My brother has been living there and is married and has kids."

"Lucky you, I swear lucky you. I'm so happy for you" Salima huffed

"you'll get to see the pyramids and experience many new things. Meet new people. you know exposure beyond your own culture is always a great thing. "

"Yes, it is."

" what about you?, Have your aspirations changed or are you still hellbent on being a female Dr. Ben Carson" Salima laughed at the coincidence of how similar her life had resembled her role models', a life without a father, not because of death but a father that choose to walk away and never looked back since.

"I still would be, by the authority of Allah" Salima had dreams. it wasn't for the mere name or credit attached to the name doctor. Salima had known since she was little that life in the medics field was her call. It was more than a dream, more like a path, her own path in the universe, a glorious purpose to help people heal and she wouldn't see herself doing any other thing aside it.

"Any university in mind" Habiba was curious. they both knew getting to study medicine was hard if you were not privileged and highly competitive and for a selected few.

"You know your choice of institution plays quite a role. I'm just saying" Habiba shrugged

" I want what's best for you, I've been praying too, for us. nothing is sweeter than seeing your friends grow with you or even bigger" the honesty in her eyes were undeniable. "It doesn't matter who becomes who"

"I'm choosing somewhere far north, " Salima apprised.Choosing to study in a place she was indigenous to would give her an upper hand but she was willing to risk loosing her dream, going far from home just to taste freedom.

"but why, it's too far from home. do you even have any relatives there?"

"Yes, my maternal uncle but my mother wants me near, somewhere like Abuja but my mind's set" Salima knew mama only cared for everything she'll have to do on her own. It wasn't about Salima's dream, it was about what suited her own interests.

" and your father? " the sudden question had Salima's ear go hot, she hadn't shared with Habiba that he ghosted them.

"he is for whatever I choose" she lied. her father didn't even know if she was done with school let alone already taking a leap to the free world of tertiary education.

"lucky you. fathers' that allow their children choose. Unlike mine"

Salima wished she could tell Habiba to count her blessings. her father was only insisting she studied something that wasn't her will, her own father wasn't even involved in her life. She was tempted to spill the truth.

"Trust me, you don't know lucky"

Her sage side was showing itself.

"I do wonder if this luck or fate of a thing is pure coincidence. To a degree, I believe we have the freewill to exercise our own wishes.who knows, destiny could be a sum of choices we didn't even realize we've been making"

" That's wise" Habiba was impressed

"I agree, to an extent we have control but imagine the coincidence of encountering certain people or things which could have missed you just by seconds count. that's where fate plays.

how does the universe align that you don't miss them. you might never have been in the same place at the time but Only God knows how it becomes"

Salima's eyes shone with eagerness,

"aside that you sound like me right now, is there something I should know?"

Habiba's face went red,

" It's beautiful" her eyes were on the curtains.

" the curtains??" A curious Salima questioned.

" no, the feeling. That safeness you feel in someone else, like they're home" Salima had never seen Habiba smile that smile. the kind of smile she saw of lovestruck people. She saw cupid's bow in the way her lip turned and she wondered if her friend had been struck of the disease she named love.

"I might get married before finishing school, if I had the chance, I'll marry him right away, I don't mind forfeiting Egypt to have my education here but baba is too strict. Insists I should finish my studies" Habiba pursed disappointedly.

"are you sure of this?" Salima's heart pace picked up a faster rate for the fear of her friend falling in the wrong hands. She couldn't witness her closest person getting broken.

"I've never been more sure of anything my whole life, Salima I pray you get to know the sweetness of this feeling" her eyes danced dreamily, Salima never saw a real-life Juliet and hopefully it didn't end in tragedy for her friend.

"I'll tap from the nectars of your happiness, just be careful and remain happy, may he be right for you and if he's not may Allah replace him with better" she was sincere in her wish and prayers for Habiba.

" Shhh.. he's so right Salima. so right it feel like same blood flows through us. he lives here" she poked a finger at her chest.

"I feel him near. he's always near. I've prayed, Salima. I've called his name before God and I only get more inclined to him. he becomes dearer with every day that passes. my mind is clear and I so want to get married"

"You're only seventeen," reminded Salima

"It doesn't matter. Age is just a number, a count of the days we've lived" Habiba looked otherworldly like another entity had possessed her and was speaking through her mouth.

Salima was skeptical, she didn't want to ruin her friends' happiness but she wanted to caution.

"tread carefully"

"This is my happiness, my little secret that I've let only you on, so please don't try to ruin it, please" she looked like a lovesick puppy as she pleaded with Salima to exhibit no more of doubting Thomas.

"I..."

Salima was cut short as the door swung open, four girls flew in one after another throwing themselves on Habiba.

"I need to breath" Habiba pleaded from their centre and they slowly released her.

"Hi, " one of them greeted finally noticing Salima that had been frozen to her seat since with her unfinished cakes.

"Hello" she shied greeting back the friendliest looking one. She was fine brown and chubby faced, there were two others who looked like her and Salima guessed they were three siblings who were Habiba's cousins then the last girl was stone faced looking nothing like them. her face was of a frozen non-expression, Salima didn't even know what to call the look on her face. She was as cold as marble as Salima shook hands with her.

Habiba introduced them to one another. they ate, talked, set up the room and after saying evening prayers Salima excused herself to sleep as Habiba caught up gist with her other friends. The other girl Salima thought cold had taken space on the big mattress playing on her phone, and once she saw Salima made to adjust.

"do you really sleep this early?" She asked a smile coming on her face so naturally,it didn't look like the same person. Salima was surprised at how quiet her voice was and started to think the girl was a really quiet person with an intimidating face.

"no, just want to be able to stay up late"

"I'll wake you once it's eleven, you can't miss out on all we've planned" she announced.

" Sure, I'll appreciate that, good night?"

"more like good till I wake up at eleven" she laughed and Salima found it funny too.

"Alright good till I wake up at eleven" Salima said and Anisa as she got to know was her name turned to her phone and without too many more eyelid bat, Salima fell asleep.

"wake up, I spared you ten extra minutes. It's ten minutes past eleven"

Salima blinked taking in her surrounding and saw her counterparts looked very awake. the three sisters were munching away a bowl full of crisp chicken.

"here's yours" Habiba pushed the bowl into her hands.

" at least allow me wash my mouth" Salima placed it carefully on the dresser, her senses fully awakened with a clean mouth as she came back to her plate then sitting among the friends.

"I saw how tired you were that's why I took time to wake you"

the few minutes of sleep had been so comfortable for Salima, she wished she could have reached morning.

"I suppose I haven't missed too much" Salima munched quietly her eyes following the puzzle pieces packed at a side, several fashion magazines sprawled on the ground. A deck of colorful cards staying in Anisa's hands.

"not too much you wouldn't catch up" Anisa answered throwing the cards in the middle.

"who's picking first?. It's a bunch of fun questions. I brought it on Habiba's request"

" the host should be first, Aisha suggested

"yes" they chorused.

"Pick a card and I'll read it out" Anisa winked.

" here we go. what's the biggest lie you ever told? " She read out Habiba's choice to her.

" that I've never lied since I was born" Habiba had a way of humoring every thing and chorused giggles followed her answer.

" we are serious, no jokes " Anisa warned.

" I thought this was a fun question and not digging out people's cupboard besides I don't remember telling any big lie"

Aisha puffed.

" you're already ruining this, maybe we should go for someone else "

" So your turn Salima" Salima shuffled between the cards and dropped her choice on Anisa's hands.

"your fondest memory of childhood"

Salima was taken aback, her childhood was blurred,she couldn't remember much of it. most people had spent theirs exploring their world and being kids, she was picking up pieces she didn't remember breaking.

The truth was she missed everything about childhood because she would,if she got the chance, relive it a different way.

"hunting for pea plants from those wild bushes and cooking them and really thinking them tasty" she managed to be present without whirling off to grounds of buried memories.

"sounds like one interesting experience, did Fauzan hunt with you too?" Habiba jested and Salima rolled her eyes unimpressed by the oldest joke of Habiba's.

" so this question is for everyone and anyone, So who's fallen in love yet?" It was common for fresh adults to be enthusiastic of such talks yet Salima thought it was wrong she hadn't felt anything for anyone yet.

" I don't think it's love. I suppose he's just attracted to me so I haven't given much thought" Baseera spilled first.

" it's a no for me" Aisha shook her head sideways in the negative.

" it was just a crush, nothing serious" Hikma added her own quota.

" is madam host quiet?" Anisa eyed a suspicious looking Habiba.

"Ofcourse it's a no" she denied but the blush creeping up her cheek made it obvious she was denying.

"I can swear you're lying and I know it" Baseera's keen eyes not leaving Habiba's.

"Ok, fine. his name is Taif but I should keep him a secret. Promise I'll tell when it's right" Habiba declared.

" well since this is getting boring and no one wants to talk, I suppose we can watch our movies now" they gathered in front of the tv, each person taking their seat while Habiba set the movie.

It was a Romcom American movie and few minutes into it, Salima excused herself to take some magazines and soon found other books to keep her interest.

Time lapse was rapid and soon after, the movie was over and at 2am they were all sleeping except for Salima who looked out the window, watching night unfold, embedded in it the beauty of stars, the moon was far overhead and she was lost in the trance of imagining things beyond this world.

"Why are you not sleeping?" Habiba's voice from behind her was clear of drowsiness, she sounded very awake.

"Nothing. I can't sleep. The night feels alive, so am I" she glanced at her side as Habiba had taken seat.

" why are you not sleeping too" salima questioned.

" I'm too nostalgic to. I wonder if the skies of Egypt are as beautiful as my homeland's or if I'll ever be able to stay awake like this, with people I hold dear"

" Thank you for making it" Habiba thanked.

" I had to." Salima thought of how short life was not to make it memorable with people who matter.

" here" Salima hadn't noticed what had been in Habiba's hands until she pushed it towards her.

"A forget-me-not. We're growing older and we don't know if we'll ever get the chance to be like this.

who knows if I'm destined to have a life there, where do we ever meet people again. eventually we'll be raising our own families, no more time for all these silly things" Habiba let out a small laugh.

Salima had tensed hearing about raising families, she hadn't the space in her mind to think of it. Adulting was already hard enough. In ten years, the only thing she imagined doing was nurturing her career and treating herself right and living right.

"But I'll definitely want to see your babies, because you'll surely have them" Habiba's tone was serious.

" Sure, if the time comes " Salima honestly couldn't imagine herself filling the shoes of wifehood, motherhood for anyone.

"why Salima?. I know you're hiding a lot, the fact that you're always insisting you visit me rather than let me come over speaks volumes"

Salima thought it was time for unveiling the fouls she'd long hidden.

" maybe if I was raised with love, and protection. Maybe if I hadn't had to be everything for myself, maybe just maybe, I would've loved accepting comfort from others and giving too" she was lacking of a mother's love. A father's protection. A sister's friendship. Her world had been a cold vicious one of revenge, blame & power games and emotional disconnect. her world had been too broken, her head was slightly unbridled, no one would tolerate how shattered she was, pieces of her would tear and make others bleed. It was impossible to live with wolves and not know how to howl. She would break people if touched and she got set-off by anything and everything.

"I don't even know what love feels like and I don't think I'll ever know. Hate is the only real emotion. People can't fake it, when they hate you they really do and at least it's true"

Salima was still learning to love herself, she had none to spare for another.

"stop being so full of negativity. Every home has issues. You should not only look at the bad side of things but see.... "

Salima's impatience cut Habiba's talk off

" my father's walked out on us for near four years now, eloped and got married to a lady he got pregnant while still married to my mother.

he's cut everything from us. Felt it was okay to settle us with money and he owes us nothing after that"

Habiba's eyes went wider than saucers.

" I can't believe this " Habiba was shaken.

" I don't even know how to break this down for anyone, it's me in my world of pain. It isn't that my mother ever cared about me, she had always been hitting me since childhood and now that I'm too big to be beaten by her, she insults me and blames me even of things I have no knowledge of. the father I thought was a good man as victim as me was actually a manipulative mind gamer and drifted away without thinking of consequence. My own sister treats me like a stranger. how worse can anyone's life get. I don't know how to make you understand. You won't get it. my mother, she... she... Ya Allah." Salima allowed herself break in sobs, her tears flowed unrestrained, all she's been holding in broke out with her cry.

"No one deserves this kind of life. I'm sick and tired. It's all messed up, family was suppose to be shelter but some are the root of pain forcing you out to find solace elsewhere, where a stranger's hand feel safer. There is no solace in this wicked world. Family is a sham. Love is a lie. Marriage is nothing but a transaction. give me and I give you back, that's all that it is. A venture of profit and loss. everything's for a selfish purpose.

Children are investments for old age, so you have someone to care for you, pay you back for what you spent for them in youth. Human motive is selfish. There's nothing in this world.

Looking for happiness here breaks you more than it makes you" Salima was breathing hard trying to calm herself, she didn't want to wake anyone.

"and you've kept all these to yourself?

didn't you find me worthy of confiding. Why take all these upon only yourself" she rubbed Salima's back.

"there's nothing you could have done and I don't want to plague anyone's life with my issues.It's my cross to bear. It is my fate and one day I'll definitely get out of it. I'll only make a conscious decision, to solemnly avoid marriage and its likes.

I don't want to ruin anyone. I've already been through enough trauma to last me one lifetime, it is finished. There's nothing left but my crumbled dreams.

It is the only thing left I'm living for" Somehow the coldness of the night made Salima more resolute. Her mind was solid. She had felt so much and she couldn't feel anymore, she was numb as lifeless.

"I'm pained seeing you like this, Subhanallah. I didn't even know. it was selfish of me to not have sensed it. Someone I call a best friend was shattering and I couldn't even see"

"It's nothing of your fault. It's not your fault my parents are too selfish to consider the lives they brought to this world, too selfish to see the torture they put them in. That they can't look beyond their own interest and correct the mess they've made of innocents"

" and you haven't seen your father in years?, why would anyone even have the mind to do that. " Habiba just couldn't wrap her head around the idea. was it the same man she had seen come pick Salima from school. the man who looked like he couldn't hatch any hate.

" He's living big in Abuja. His wife also posts their vacay photos and we're here rotting. My mother doesn't even care we don't get much from the store we opened, she's still lavish in her spending. she's disillusioned and trying hard to convince herself that she's doing well off without our father's support. her spending hurts the finances meant to meet our basic needs but she cares less. Sometimes, we lack food but my mother frequents jewelry and clothes vendors. I can't say it all Habiba. It'll make you sick" salima rested her throbbing head against the wall. Her throat was burning with thirst.

Habiba took her friend's hand

" I might not know how much you're hurting but know that you're heard.

After hardship ease would definitely come. The biggest battles are for the strongest soldiers. I'll pray for you Salima. The universe will favor you eventually.

We all would be questioned for our actions in this world, your father would definitely meet his nemesis, eventually but no matter what they do, your parents still have a right over you and you should mind your tongue even in anger" Habiba didn't hide her displeasure at Salima's choice of words.

"and you can't judge the world through the shattered lens your family showed you. there are many conscious decisions to make than avoiding marriage. would you despair in God's mercy and insult the institution ordained to every person who is able just because you're hurting?" It was the crippling fear of inability that Salima would never make known.

"Think it'll be fine for you and I know it'll be. You would tell me and I'll always be there to hear you ramble of your beautiful family. You'll forget all these. I believe it for you"

looking out the opened window, Salima saw the star that burned and burned itself into non-existence. she couldn't just believe it would not go wrong for her, she would eat herself up looking after others and her whole life would be remembered only of servitude.

That was what people kept her for, her helpfulness.

"when you've become that woman, you would find someone who would complement you. You'll both love and complete each other." Salima's nose subconsciously scrunched at the mention of the thought.

"Salima that day would come and I would be there for you. I know it would come. I'll just wait here.

don't let your family's choice of life think it can't be well for you. I know it's hard but please I want to see you happy and no matter how stubborn you are, or don't believe in good things happening for you. Meeting the right people will make your heart full. When you do, you'll know. No man's an island and man was built for company. We can't survive alone"

Salima's eyes were dried. she hated that Habiba's sermon were shaking her to the roots, she remembered her dream and she could feel a crack in the wall built round it.

could it be real?

"before I forget my gift, here" Habiba handed two books, a copy of Jane Austen's pride and prejudice and Charlotte Brontë's Jane Eyre.

"I hope you believe"

Salima was beyond joyed, her lungs screamed for air.

"Thank you so much. I love these.thank you.thank you very much"

"How many thank yous can I accept at once. you deserve much more.I wish you saw yourself as the great person you are. I'm lucky to have you as a friend " Habiba's eyes reflected gratitude.

" so am I. I have a gift for you too" Salima brought out a handmade crystal bead. "and this one's for you. I hope you know you deserve bigger too"

"It's beautiful and thank you." after a few reflective minutes, Habiba said "I'll miss you, Salima"

" Me too"

they hugged each other and Salima felt wetness trickle down her face. they cried a little more and when they had dried their eyes. they talked on and on of everything and anything.

"so your daddy turning his back was your dream come to pass. don't you dream good ones too?" curiosity got the best of Habiba. "I've never heard anything like it. dreams and reality on the verge of merging."

"You know I had this dream last night..." Salima started and Habiba listened, attention rapt. they talked and laughed till strings of light had announced the coming of dawn.

"I think prince charming might come sooner than we expected" Habiba was excited, she found the mystery surrounding Salima pulling.

"Ohh. let him come" Salima thought the dream nothing but the deep unsaid wish of her heart conjured up and playing in her sleep but she wished she could believe.

Day came sooner and heavy of several unattained possibilities of budding young women readying to face life and sad goodbyes. Salima ventured off after having morning food at Habiba's insistence despite the other girls being relaxed, some just waking and relishing their together time. eventually everyone of them that remained behind would go separate ways, life won't grant anyone the luxury of sticking around long enough. They would however walk the path of life laid out before them with nothing but hopes and dreams and fate mapping blueprints of paths of the ones meant to cross again.