MY ENUMERATION

"urr uerrr!!" Flora yawned on the bed, twisting her body and exhaling the air she had gulped into her mouth.

Backing me and facing the wall as she lay, she threw her hand on a errand searching through the bed with multiple taps to see if I was somewhere close to be found, but her hand left her disappointed.

"I turned and looked at her pitifully; "Poor woman, I know she must be having pains all-over her body." I spoke in my mind shaking my head in great sorrow uttering no words.

"I don't know why she agreed to marry me." I said crying in my heart "But as at the time I married her things weren't like this. At Least it was better then. With my present condition, no woman would have agreed to marry me. Just look at me, how rachet I have become. Flora I am so sorry my wife. I never knew that life would treat me this way. I have been acting all along by faith yet this is where I have found my self." I lamented inaudibly.

Tears dropped as I lifted my eyes to heaven with so many questions in my heart; "O lord, you know I have loved you. I have served you all my life. Please help me father. I don't know what to do anymore." This was how far my prayers could be most times I try praying due to the agonies of life I had seen.

I lowered my eyes again to look at Flora, this time around she had turned to face me, her hand still searching.

As she touched me on the lab, I could see marks of the mat placed on the iron bed. Watching this, I couldn't control the tears in my eyes, but I do wonder why in the midst of all these Flora never complained or mutter some words of dislike. Each night, she goes to bed only to wake up and find me sitting erect in deep thoughts. She would then speak to me and for the sake of her care and love I would return back to bed with her.

I tried against my will this time around to not allow her catch me in the condition because we had agreed that we would wait upon the Lord.

While her hand found me and I was trying to wipe my uncontrollable tears away, her spirit quickened her and she woke up looking at me in disapproval.

"Honey?" She called worriedly "You are at this again? What is the problem? Why are you not sleeping?" She asked me adjusting herself to a sitting position.

"Dear, i, i..." I struggled to speak.

"Honey please speak to me. How long will you continue like this? I have told you that we are in a season of training and God is working out things for us. With time he will perfect his will for us and the minis..."

"And when will that time be Flora? I wish I have your courage, I appreciate how much you are doing to be at peace despite our condition but I am in pains. How long do we continue like this? The children have been surviving on garri (cassava flakes) for the past three days. Before a member gave that blessing, we had been on a mandatory fasting and praying because there was no food. Come to think of it, how can we be serving God and things are not working. Everything is at zero! I can't serve a God who..."

"Ye, er, Honey, stop it there. What has come over you? I rebuke the devil that is speaking through you in the mighty name of Jesus Christ! This is not you My king. Satan want to have you but not while I remain your wife!"

Jesus Christ, I could imagine the energy at which Flora cut in and was addressing me as she held me by the shoulder and was praying for me rebuking the devil.

"What sort of a woman is this?" I questioned myself silently. "How can she be comfortable with the situation we are in and not even be bothered?"

She left and brought the Bible, then opened to the book of Romans 8 and began to read to me from verse 18 down to the end;

"Honey, look at it. You know the scripture but right now I want it to enter into your heart. I want the light to shine and dispose the darkness that is hovering over you." She said and began to read to me as I force my way to look at it.

"But Flora, I am just tired of all the humiliation we are going through. Just look at me, I have given up everything in life to serve the Lord. Most of my mates are professors now, have built estates, riding cars and traveling all-over the world. Why is my situation different? Even those who are colleagues with me in ministry are doing excellently well. I am the only bad egg among them..." I lamented and Flora cut in;

"My husband is not the bad egg and can never be! I believe what you told me few years back, that the Lord had called you to reawaken revival over the nations. I have not forgotten all the visions and the revelations. I believe in them till now and I want you my love to do same. God never fails!"

"Of your mates, I want want you to understand that there are many of them who are in the grave right now. There are those who are out of purpose and the plans of God for their lives. Even though physically we may not look like it, we are still in God's agenda - that's the most important thing."

The words of Flora penetrated me like a sword. I found strength although not totally. A part of me still held fast to desiring what I had proposed in my heart.

"Flora," I called out to her "You are a blessing to my life. I can't imagine marrying someone other than you and facing the same situation I am facing. It would be hell, truly hell for me. Sometimes I wonder the level of strength the Lord has given you seeing that you amazes me with your strength, courage and determination as we wait upon the promises of the Lord."

Flora miles and fell onto my chest

She loved me praising her strength. Whenever that happens, it usually ended in us making love as husband and wife because she would become so tender that it would weakened some energy on my own part.

"Err, love, calm down first. I know where you are heading to, but wait, how are we preparing for the meeting tomorrow?" She asked and we discussed over it briefly.

When we were done with our discussion, I went to the other room which was actually a store we turned to a children's bedroom.

I checked on the children and saw that they were soundly asleep and breathing with calm.

I stood by the wall thinking of what they were going to eat the following day for school.

I traveled with my thoughts far and near searching for what to do in order to provide a meal for them, but I couldn't figure out a thing.

As I walked out of the room, I found a notice paper on the rusty table we had placed by the kitchen door. It was from their school. I picked it and read through; "Dear esteemed parent/parents, please be reminded of your child's school fees. Failure to pay tomorrow would have the child/children sent home."

I held my waist with my palms and stood still wondering yet again but now more harder.

I had three children; Eliana, Deborah and Paul. I had only struggled to pay the fee of Eliana who was in grade four. The rest were due for payment but I couldn't raise the money after many efforts.

I dragged myself into the bedroom again and mate Flora reading the Bible.

I dropped on the bed looking moody. She knew where I was coming from. It was my habit to check on the children each time I woke from my sleep because I loved them to the call.

"What is it again Honey?" Flora asked confused

"The children brought home a notice from school?" I asked her faintly.

"Yes honey. You returned from the church stressed and I didn't want to bother you which was why I didn't inform you." Flora said

"That was thoughtful of you. Tomorrow I will be going to site to see if I can get any labourer job to do in order to at least provide what they would eat and I will do that a couple of days to raise their school fees." I told Flora

"Ah, labourer job? no, no no!" She exclaimed.

"My dear, allow me to do this for the sake of our children. After all you have always thought me to stay strong and allow God have his way. While we wait on the Lord, the children must not starve." I explained

"It's okay, I understand. Maybe we should go together tomorrow. The woman I'm doing laundry for traveled abroad and won't be back until after three days." She informed.

"Flora! I won't have you do labourer job with me. It is enough allowing you; the wife of a minister of God do laundry for a woman who doesn't even go to church. That alone is enough embarrassment." I disapproved

I held hands together with her and after a brief prayer, I decided to at least shut my eyes and catch some sleep before the day breaks.

But I never new that Satan was wooing me and wanted to have me married to hell.

If tears are white, mine turned blood. I couldn't figure out why darkness wanted me, but if I had known, I would have remained rachet in the light than dwell in the glories of darkness.

[The story of Bishop Ayodele Douglas]