He who speaks their mind

"stop arguing nothing will get done if you do, you'll get angry first, then it's you and finally you'll get sad. Stop doing it I'm choosing, on a Tuesday there!"

He's laughing but I know he's trying not to get angrier than he already is. It unsettles me how well I know that laugh. Nothing happens though, I continue doing my work and they continue making plans.

Things are settled and no one is angry and everything is okay, I assumed wrong.

Later two of them walk into the room and I think nothing of it.

As I walk into the room minutes later I'm confronted by her.

"You shouldn't be yelling at him even if you meant it with the best intentions, I don't like when you fight and raise your voice"

What?

Am I being scolded for something I thought was right? For the first time I have spoken my mind and I get scolded?

I look her in the eyes and it clicks. Ah it was her that was scolded.

I want to say sorry but I hold my ground, I was not lying, I was speaking truth and I want her to know what I think.

"Are you serious? I was right!"

I look her in the eyes again and walk toward the bathroom. She follows.

"No don't follow me" I attempt to close the door but I know I can't do that to her.

"I'm sorry I yelled alright I was wrong but I just don't like when you yell" she says.

And for the first time in a while I'm angry at her and I glare.

She brings me in for a hug and tells me she's sorry for yelling at me.

I apologize to her and I say sorry as well. We both end up tearing up and act as if nothing happened.

Locking the door, I start crying.

Just this week I was angry at myself for never being able to speak up. I belittled myself and said there is no reason to not speak your mind. I was wrong.

When I speak my mind it is not me who gets in trouble but her. I am not scolded directly but indirectly after she has been scolded. My actions have consequences here and I had forgotten that.

I listen and keep my mouth shut when they speak, I always have and I continue to do so.

I sob in the bathroom as I realize why I am so scared to speak my mind. Because someone can get scolded for my selfish actions.

I love her and because I love her I never want to see her cry or get yelled at, I keep my mouth shut for her sake because I cannot fathom a world where she does not exist.

The vicious cycle is everlasting.