Chapter Nine

Nathan finishes and everyone's all over him. He's back to being human again.

"Sorry, Jeremy. I'll...I'll go look for Christina." I murmur the excuse, blinking back tears. I take a deep breath, the entire time keeping my eyes downcast. This is so embarrassing. "I'll see you later."

"Don't worry," he says, still quietly, "She was somewhere in the hallway last I saw her ."

"Thanks."

I look around, but she's most likely already with Jared in one of the bedrooms. I'm not leaving without her.

The thought of leaving Chris has never crossed my mind before. We have that deal - one never leaves without the other if we went somewhere together. Unless she sends me a message saying she's staying at Jared's, I'll wait.

I go out on the balcony with the idea of staying there for a while until she shows up or responds to my messages. Max lives in an apartment and the balcony's facing another block of flats. I see lights are on in some apartments, it's quiet and dark in others.

Families are getting ready to go to bed without pulling the curtain, or someone's doing something on their laptop. Ordinary people doing ordinary stuff.

"I keep finding you in places like that. Hiding's my thing sometimes too, by the way." I hear Nathan's voice from behind. Then he comes out and leans on the wall to my right.

"Thank you for the music. It was ...it was really beautiful." I stutter and he's quiet for a second before he says.

"Beethoven was already deaf when he wrote this. Can you imagine being unable to hear your greatest creation?"

Nathan's face darkens and I swear it's like his eyes grow darker too. He's looking at nothing in particular in the distance and I feel so detached from him like there's a whole trap between us instead of only a few feet.

"It's...I think he still heard it somehow in his head." I begin, " He wouldn't create it the way he did if he could hear. Besides, we all probably hear music differently, so..."

I glance at him when he doesn't respond and see he's tilted his head, regarding me silently.

"I'm blabbering nonsense and having my monologues out loud. Sorry. Jesus..."

"No, go on. I didn't reply because I didn't want to interrupt your train of thought. I'm listening."

He smiles and crosses his arms, his entire attention on me.

"Okay, so -I think what was scarier was he most likely couldn't tell anyone he'd lost his hearing. A musician who was deaf- no one would believe he could be capable of creating something so beautiful."

"Like a blind painter."

"Exactly. For example, if Van Gogh was blind- who would admit he could draw. Although he wasn't the most recognized painter when he was alive ."

"Yeah, he couldn't draw anyway. "

"Oh, come on."

"He's overrated."

"How dare you?" I gasp and we both laugh at that.

"You're Eva, right?"

"Yeah, hi."

"I'm Nate. You're my brother's classmate?"

"Mhm."

"He's only weird at first glance but he's not that bad."

"Well, he's better at literature than I am. "

"He reads a lot. But I play better." Nathan winks at me and I look away nervously.

"He plays too?"

"Yeah. We had a tutor when we were kids, although Jeremy stopped ...participating overall at some point and I haven't heard him play in a while."

They had a private teacher...Jeremy's never mentioned what kind of family they come from, but everyone knows everything about anyone here. The first information that was quickly spread was the fact their father's business was among the most successful ones internationally. The second talks were vivid descriptions of the huge house by the lake they'd bought. I look back at Nathan, and I know I could've asked about how he finds the place, or whatever. But for some reason I say.

"Is this what you want to do? Play?"

"No, that's just to pass the time now."

"But you're so good."

"I just had a lot of time to practice, especially in the past year."

I put my hair behind my ear and look ahead.

"Jeremy mentioned it. I'm sorry- I mean- he didn't say why or anything, just that you skipped a year."

"It's fine, I don't hide it. I just spent a year off school. "

"Okay..."

"I don't regret it, though." he says, casually, "I had more time to think stuff over, play for example."

Nathan takes out a cigarette and pauses before lighting it.

"I told you I was quitting, right? I will, I know it."

He remembers, then. Nathan remembers me and what happened. And I definitely shouldn't be so happy that he does.

"So yeah, you asked me what I want to do," he lights his cigarette and leans back against the wall "I'll most likely work for the family business one day, but before that, I'll go to university in Europe. Or I don't know, I haven't decided yet."

I feel very small suddenly and I'm on a roller-coaster with him. He could go anywhere, there are no stops for him.

Nathan's world is endless, not like mine; like this small stupid town.

"Do you miss your friends?"

I ask, trying to sound light while my heartbeat is losing its rhythm again.

"That was out of nowhere, I'm sorry."

"No, it's cool, I told you. You worry too much, Eva. "

The sound of my name on his lips makes me almost dizzy.

"I don't know if I had any real friends." he says, "I had people around me, for different reasons- money, common interests. But I don't know about friends. I probably miss emotions or sensations. The person I was back there. But people, no. I don't miss people."

"That must be lonely."

He takes a long drag from his cigarette and exhales.

"Who isn't?"

Our eyes meet. That was the first of many times later that I felt the need to prove him wrong, funny as it may seem; to make him believe it's not impossible to not be alone. The absolute wish to show him our lives matter because of the people we live for and with.

"Plus" he goes on "I had to delete everything- phones, contacts, I lost touch with most of the guys back in England. Oh, by the way, you can give me your number. I'm not on social media anymore."

Okay, breathe and don't make a big deal out of this. He's just being friendly. We exchange numbers when I hear someone coming from inside.

"Hey, Nate. Aren't you coming in?"

Maddison. As expected. I look at her as she comes out on the balcony and stands next to him.

She's probably trying to hit it off with him. Maddison's ridiculous and always so full of herself- after all, who doesn't want to have those long fingernails, fake eyelashes, and perky breasts. I'm pretty sure she doesn't put a bra on just to attract attention. That works, because guys are constantly checking her out.

I've always asked myself why guys bother with the type. I mean, they know she sleeps with everyone and they still chase her. Then another thought comes to me- maybe Nathan is going to sleep with her tonight, too.

And just then, as an answer to all my unspoken questions, he grunts and looks at her.

"I'm talking to someone, Maddison."

She finally looks at me and makes a face. God, I don't want to be part of this.

"I'd better go find Christina. Excuse me."

I move past her and make my way out. I imagine grabbing her by the hair and pulling those fake blonde extensions until only her short hair's left.

I don't know where her natural hair ends actually, but I'd find out. She's the reason why Chris and Jared broke up the first time and even though she might poke my eyes out with those nails, I'm ready to risk it. I sometimes hope they just expel her, it would simply be better for all of us.

I get back in and see most people have already left. I can't find Chris anywhere, so I text her I'm going home. She only sends a

"Ok, I'm with Jared. But text me once you're home."

I type 'sure' and leave. I get home late. On foot. It's not that far and I've never been afraid of walking in the dark; nothing's happened so far, and despite the cold, I needed to clear my head. My mother's asleep already and I'm trying to be as quiet as possible when I go to the kitchen for a glass of water. I'm washing my glass when I notice the half-empty small whisky bottle hidden behind the cups lined on the shelf above the sink. My phone buzzes and I wipe my hands before checking it.

It's probably Chris.

I forgot to text her when I got home, but it took me a bit longer that time and I assumed she was busy doing something anyway.

The message on the screen says

"Thanks for the only meaningful conversation tonight."

I type hastily

"Thank you for playing."

"Cute ribbon, by the way."

My hands are either shaking, or there's an earthquake. I get another message shortly.

"I'll see you around, Miss Shy."

"See you around, Stranger."