Talks

Nick what are you doing here?" I breathed out. There he was standing like a deer caught in head lights, figuring his still trying to think of why his here I just step back and as I turn heading to the kitchen a hand grips on my arm not in a harsh way though. Good he decided to come to his senses but whatever he wants to say is sure something hard because of the way his mouth just opens and closes.

"Drew told me about your talk at school today", very good of him then I should've known he'd run off to his buddies. "He told me about how upset you were and how you lashed out" "So me expressing what I feel is called lashing out" I couldn't help but cut him off, he tensed up immediately after I talked. Is he suddenly afraid of me after all he did those years "Look I'm sorry okay?, I know this seems weird me turning up at door with a high possibility that your dad can walk in any minute.." "Walk in on what?" Shit, how come didn't I hear dad when he walked in "Nothing dad, Nick was just leaving" I rush out and grab Nick's hand pulling him to the door more like dragging though. "Look we'll talk some other time but not today" before he could say anything I just shut the door in his face.

"Was that the same Nick who troubled you?" Oh God, did this have to happen today? Facing dad I mumble a small yes "And what was he doing in my house?", shoot I even broke one of the rules, no boys allowed in the house. "I don't know dad but I think he just wanted to apologise and I'm not interested in hearing his apology soo thanks for interupting" I flash him my innocent smile hoping he won't see I'm actually trying to cover that I broke a rule and I'm glad he doesn't. "Well honey at some point you'll have to hear him out" well another thing about my dad, he always somehow finds a way to see good in people no matter what the agenda is and I don't like that one bit. "No dad I got nothing to say to him" I tell him "do you really want to carry the burden of your past like all you did those years in L.A?, I know for a fact that you not over any of it, you still carry the pain and you feel anger towards Nick but you not an arrogant person so you don't know how to express it to him, you want answers because you don't understand why he bothered you the way he did" way to go dad, what a nice way to rub it in. "I'm not justifying for him nor his actions but I just want you to know that boys don't know how to express feelings hence why they always choose to be reckless and act like they don't care but it all lies within ones heart. I suggest you just hear him out, what he has to say then maybe you'll stop living in the past because honey if you still gon live in the past then theres no future, you can't go on like this you need some closure." I definetely didn't know dad had it in him, I guess mom saw his for keeps.

"Dad you making it sound so simple, do you know how hard it is to face a person that ruined my childhood days? A person that has never onced cared not even once, not even when he watched me almost drown. Now you want to just allow me to give him my time and hear him out while he always ignored my cries when he was fucking hurting me, now that his all grown up it took him 6 years to notice that what he did was not acceptable and his just gon say sorry as if things will magically be okay as if I'll forget the pain. No dad, hate to break it to you but no it doesn't work like that." I see dad is taken aback by hearing me saying all that, clearly he didn't expect me to rant but he gave me no choice, wiping off my teary eyes I head upstairs already preparing myself to doze off again as I've even lost my appetite.

Its just that forgiving isn't the issue, the thing is forgetting now thats just something else.

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