Empty

There's a saying that goes, "You never know how much you love somebody until they're gone." Well, I guess that it's true. I never knew how much she meant to me until she left. I still think about her to this day, especially at night. I can still remember her smile, or what was left of it. I can still remember her beautiful blue eyes, which were always looking somewhere else. I can still remember her touch, as she slipped out of mine.

I was out for a walk until it suddenly started to rain. Ugh, I didn't bring my umbrella. The park was unnaturally empty, I guessed that they must have read the weather forecast. I didn't have the time to read it. Thankfully, the park had random gazebos placed throughout it. By the time I reached the safety of a roof, it began pouring. Should've read the weather forecast when I had the chance. While it was raining cats and dogs, I took a seat on one of the wooden benches next to me. There is something oddly peaceful about rain. Maybe it's the noise that's relaxing, or maybe just watching each individual rain drop hitting the ground. Though however nice watching the rain might be, something else caught my attention. There is a cat huddled under a tree right across from me.

The cat was a large black cat that looked more like a small dog than anything if that was possible. Its fur was all wet and it was shivering from the cold. That was enough for me. I ran back out into the storm and ran out towards the cat. Eventually, I was bending down to pick up the cat. This is one big cat. Shivering in my arms, it looked up at me with its yellow eyes and let out a soft meow. Yeah, thank me later. With the large cat in my arms, I began to run back to that gazebo but a voice called out to me. "Hey, you need a ride!" Coming to a stop in front of me was a girl on a bicycle. Looking at her, the world slowed down for a bit. She had long brown hair that danced in the rain and beautiful blue eyes that were mesmerizing. "Uh, yeah…" I said. "Then get on already!" She replied back. Is this even safe? "Don't worry, I haven't crashed so far!" I got on the passenger seat on the back of her bike, with the cat still in my arms shivering a little less. She starts peddling and I'm already regretting trusting this random girl. "Don't worry, we'll go back to my apartment and get that cat to safety!" Glad she's more worried about the cat than both of us. Wait, does this classify as kidnapping? Though she's aggressively peddling this blue bicycle that looks like it's going to implode on itself soon, I made sure the cat in my arms was ok. It stopped shivering violently which is a good sign, and though there might be a wet spot on my shirt, at least it's from a cat and not something else.

It didn't take long for us to arrive at an apartment complex. We, or more like she, stopped at the front door to the complex. "Come on, let's go!" She kicked down the stand and jumped off the bike. As she started for the door, I hopped off too, only a little slower as I was holding a fat cat in my arms. When we both entered the safety of shelter, we both let out a heavy sigh. "Thank god…" She starts chuckling. "Come on, let's get that cat warm." We both entered an elevator that took us up to the 6th floor. "What's your name? Mine's Leah" The girl says. "Brennan…" I respond. "Well nice to meet you, Brennan. What's the cat's name?" She asks again. "Uh, well I just found it in the park when it was raining. I think it's a stray." Don't know how I know, I just know. "A stray, huh? Let's name it Tabby!" What's with this girl? "It's not even a tabby cat though…" We both stop at what I guess is her apartment. "Does it matter though?" She says as she slots her key in. "I guess not…" I respond. She unlocks the door and steps through. "Make yourself at home, Brennan. I'll go turn on the heater and grab some towels."

Entering her apartment, I noticed that it was very tidy and clean. Looks better than mine. Because I was still wet, I just stood in the open space between her dining room and kitchen. A moment later, she comes back out with a bunch of towels and is in a different set of clothes. "Here." She wraps the towel around the cat and takes it out of my arms. As she was drying the stray, she tossed me a towel as well. "Sorry, I don't have any spare clothes for you. But, I don't want you catching a cold on my conscience" Would be awkward if you did. "Thanks. What are we going to do with the cat?" I didn't know if I could take care of the cat or not, and was hoping that this girl could take care of it. She gave me a quick glance before looking back at the cat. "I can take care of her, but she's both our responsibility now." At least she's taking care of it. "That works with me," I reply. She stops actively drying the cat and places it on her couch. "Great, give me your number so I can contact you." After exchanging numbers, she sat down next to the cat and looked out her balcony door. Though I didn't know what she was looking at, I could tell that she had a look of longing with maybe sadness mixed in. I felt conflicted and don't know why. "I'll be going now then," I said. "Alright then…" She said softly without looking away from the rain outside.

A few days later, I get a text from her. "Hey, Brennan. Could you come and take Tabby to the vet? I'm going to be away for a few days." The vet? Is it sick? Do I have to pay for it too? I got another text. "I'll pay you back when I get back." Well, I don't have any other plans and technically it's also my responsibility so sure. "Sure." I text back. I walked over to her apartment which is coincidentally close to mine and went up to her apartment. Just as I was about to knock, she opens her door with the cat in her arms. "Thanks for this." She says. "You said it was both of our responsibilities, right? Just doing my part" I reply. The cat was looking a lot better than when I last saw it. Instead of its wet fur, it was now soft and gentle to the touch. "Thanks again…" She said as she slowly shut the door. She looked sad again. Luckily, the neighborhood had a lot of pets so there was a vet within walking distance. On the way to the vet, the cat didn't appear to be sick. In contrast, it looked pretty healthy. Though once the check-up was over, I felt my heart drop for the first time. Oh fuck.

"How was the vet?" I get a text from her a few hours later. Do I tell her? "It went fine," I reply. She shouldn't know. "That's good! I'll be back tomorrow. See you soon!" She texts. I don't respond. Maybe it was the guilt, maybe it was something else. I'll never know. The next day, I went to go pick her up from the airport. I don't know what possessed me to go out of my way for pretty much a stranger but I did anyway. "I didn't know you had a car." She says. "I don't. This is a friend's." I reply. She smiles. "What about Tabby?" Here we go. "Oh, uh, she's staying at my apartment." Her smile wavers a bit before stabilizing again. "Oh, that's good to hear…" What was that about? "Oh, right! I have to pay you back." She reaches over to the navigation console and punches in a new location than her apartment. An aquarium? Didn't know she liked fish. "Not in cash?" I say. "Nope, something better!" That's how it started, her version of paying me back. Every day it was one place after another. An aquarium, a beach, a waterpark, all sorts of places for a whole month. I have to admit though, it was better than cash.

I remember it as clear as day. She dragged me by the hand as we walked through the aquarium. Though it wasn't the fish that was making me feel a certain way, it was mainly her. I don't know what the feeling was, but I didn't want it to stop. Every place afterward became a new high for me. Those feelings kept coming back and making me feel something. I started to smile, something I haven't done in years. I guess taking after me, she also started smiling a lot more too. It made me forget everything haunting me and everything I've done wrong.

There was this one time at the Shinto shrine that I will never forget. She was currently praying in front of the shrine, her hands clasped together. She turns to me suddenly. "Hey Brennan, Do you believe in God?" She's sad again. "Not really. I mean, you really can't prove if he's real or not." She smiles and then looks away again. She sighs. "I believe he does. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here still…" What was that? "Wha–" She wouldn't be here? What does that mean? Before I could ask, she cuts me off. "Oh hey, look at that Brennan!" She points to a stand, appearing to sell trinkets. She runs off towards the stand and I trail behind, words and confusion stuck in my throat. By the time I reach the stand, she's already buying something. "Thank you!" She turns to me, grabs my hand, and places something in it. "Here you go, Brennan! Something to remember me for…" She says smiling. To remember you? I look at the item she placed in my hand. It's a small keychain that looks like a cat. "It looks like Tabby doesn't it…" She says softly. I look up at her. She's turned around, her back facing me. "Hey, take care of yourself, ok? I'll see you tomorrow…" I didn't know what to say as I watched her back fade away into the distance. What's going on with this girl?

"Do you have any regrets from your past?" We were at the park where I first ran into her. "What?" I reply. She smiles softly. "I have a bunch, too many even. Do you believe that all things happen for a reason?" The world slows down a bit. "I…I don't know. I hope things happen for a reason because if they didn't…" I didn't want to finish that thought. She turns to look me in the eyes. "I sure hope they do too." She says as she forces a smile and then turns away quickly. "I guess that's it then…" She says under her breath. "Hey, what's going on with you?" I ask. She flinched for a second before smiling gently. "What do you mean? Nothing is going on with me." She looked so genuine that I couldn't tell if she was lying or not. "You sure? I mean, you've been looking s–" She cuts me off. "Listen Brennan. My life hasn't been better since I met you, and I mean that. You're the only one who…" She stops, then looks away quickly. "You're the only one… who stayed with me…" My heart skips a beat. "Uh, yeah… well, I–" She cuts me off. "Hey, I'll see you tomorrow." Are you really ok? "O-Ok, yeah. I'll see you tomorrow." I tried calling out to her, but it was too late. She had already disappeared over the horizon.

It's raining again. "Hey, sorry to bother you, but can you come over really quickly?" I received a text from her a few days later. "Sure." Over the past few days, I've been trying to understand my feelings about this girl. We've been talking so often that I can't help but think about her constantly. I really like her, don't I? Don't know about the rain though. Standing outside her apartment, I felt nervous. Should I ask her out? I knocked on the door but then I realized it was already slightly open. Huh. Well, I guess she was expecting me. I took a deep breath as I held my hand on the door handle, clutching the cat charm I fashioned into a necklace.

I opened the door to her apartment and stepped in. I leaned my umbrella against the wall and looked around. As always, it was spotless but the lights were turned off. Why are the lights off? Then, I looked out towards the balcony, the only source of light illuminating the empty apartment. There she was. She was standing on the edge of the balcony, rain weathering against her. For the second time in my life, my heart dropped. I opened the sliding door and stepped out. "Wh-What are you doing?" I said getting drenched. I remember the vet, and I remember Tabby. "I'm sorry to say this, but your cat has terminal cardiac sarcoma. What that means is… it has heart cancer, and it's fatal. I'm sorry, but your cat is going to die soon…" The veterinarian said. Oh fuck. She looked up from her phone and looked back at me, with tears in her eyes.

Leah remembered her entire life, from her birth to today. She remembers when her life was great, and when her life came crashing down. She remembers the divorce of her parents and both of her parents blaming her for it. She remembers going to school and being bullied. She remembers her friends, who were bullied for being her friend. They blamed her for their suicide. She remembers being miserable until she met Brennan. He was the only one who stayed with her, who didn't hate her for being in the same room as him. He was kind, he was gentle, and he cared. He didn't leave like the rest of them. She was taking care of Tabby when suddenly, she felt a painful throb from her heart. I should see a doctor. Hopefully, Brennan can take care of Tabby for a bit. "Sure." He agreed, thankfully. Once Brennan had Tabby, she took a flight to a hospital that could at least diagnose her condition. "This is gonna be tough to digest, so I'm going to need you to stay calm." After various tests, the doctor in front of me had a very concerned look on his face. Oh, I don't like the sound of this. "You have Stage 4 Cardiac Sarcoma… A cancerous heart tumor. Unfortunately, it is terminal. I'm sorry to say this, but, you only have a little over a month to live." She didn't think about the fact that she was about to die soon, rather, she only thought about how Brennan would feel.

When Brennan picked her up from the airport, she decided that she didn't want to waste away alone. She wanted to waste away next to Brennan. He hasn't left me yet, so why can't I be a little bit selfish. Though she truly enjoyed spending time with Brennan and every little date they went on with each other, she couldn't help but fake a smile in front of him. She didn't want him to be sad for her, she wanted him to be happy even if they never see each other again. Though, before she would leave, she wanted to see him one last time. I wish I could've told you that I love you, Brennan.

"Something that I should've done a long time ago…" Leah, what are you talking about? "Hey, take care of Tabby will you," Leah said through her tears. I clutch the charm underneath my shirt and placed it right over my heart. Please, don't do what I think you're about to do. Then, she leaned back and fell. I tried to grab her hand, but it slipped away. I leaned over the edge and watched her fall. I didn't even get to tell you how I feel. And for the last time, my heart dropped, shattering into pieces.