Why Must I?

I like to believe that being your best self is a benefit for all, but I know that's not true. We all want different things and sometimes the things you want, bring down others. -Magne Zeke, Journal of a Thousand Journeys.

-=+=-

'Second Lady?' Back in Gorgonia we had nothing of the such so I was oblivious of the significance.

The Captain stood up, "You haven't had one since Empress Leda!" He seemed flustered at this opportunity open to me. "We don't have much information on this girl!"

Cleo chuckled, "Oh Falknur, you forget we didn't know anything about Leda either, their circumstances are quite similar in fact."

The young man nodded, "Cleo is right falknur, their circumstances are very similar. Don't take your anger out on the girl, just because you treated Empress Leda like your daughter doesn't mean other can't also seek that same warmth."

Falknur grunted, "You fools, the Empress is special. She was the rose this Empire needed. TO say that we should just replace that spot with a random girl is-"

"Falknur that's enough, we are all just random people. To say that Leda wasn't a random girl from another country is wrong. We are all wanderers trying to find our way." Cleo said patiently.

"You two don't respect her the same way," Falknur said stubbornly.

Cleo sighed, "Falknur I respect the Empress more than you because I am doing this. It is what she would want, she never wanted her every step fenced off and encased in gold." The patient old woman was getting ticked off by Falknur.

Still confused by the situation I ask, "Ummm, what is the Second Lady?"

Cleo laughed, "I forgot you are from Gorgonia," she pondered for a moment, "it is decided you two, so excuse me. Ignoring the irritated face of Falknur she grabbed my hand, "Let us go for a stroll down the streets dear."

"Talk later Cleo and Andromeda," the young man said with a smile while Falknur grunted.

"See you tomorrow Helos," Cleo replied.

I walked with Cleo outside, she held my hand as we strolled down the street, "I am sorry my dear about Falknur, as you can see his mood can change dramatically when the Empress is brought up." Cleo seemed apologetic about something that wasn't even her fault.

Confused I asked, "Why are you apologizing?"

"It is my job to make sure guests are comfortable, I should've seen the way Falknur would react beforehand," she smiled as she pulled me along towards the open markets. "By the way, how old are you dear?"

"I turned fourteen last month," I didn't have any reason to mention it earlier, 'It was weird the way they were talking to me before.'

Cleo looked shocked, "I know that being starved is not helping you, but you shouldn't look less than twelve." Shaking her head she headed towards the bakery.

I never realized before that I looked younger than other kids, I had no one to point it out back in Gorgonia, when I wasn't at the royal academy by the castle I was mostly by myself or with servents, no children, no friends.

"Good morning Cleo!" The baker said with delight. "Who is the young lady you brought with you?" She gestured to me.

"Good morning to you as well Frey," Cleo responded with a glow-like smile. "This is Andromeda, she will be my new Second Lady!"

Frey was an older lady, but unlike Cleo, she did not age as well. Her hands looked hard with calluses, burns down her arms, and dough and flower all over her. She reached out her hand to, "Nice to me you miss Andromeda," she reached out her hands. I shrieked back with a fowl face, even though I was not in much better condition than her I still felt superior.

Cleo noticing this reaction came over, "Sorry she still hasn't talked much outside of me and a few others," she looked back and gave me a cocked face. I click my tongue but more at myself, 'Come on Idiot!' I beat myself up in my head, not sure who was winning.

After getting bread she handed me a torn-off piece, "You acted disgusted by her appearance," she said matter-of-factly.

This caused me to choke on my bread, "You see, uhh, just like you said I was a bit nervous of the people here." I smiled awkwardly.

She shook her head and stopped in her tracks. "Listen, dear," she spoke with a tone that held authority, "I don't know know what kind of life you lead exactly that has led you to end up like this, but I can take my guess that you led a very cozy life, perhaps sheltered as well because you never knew you were less developed compared to other kids."

"What? You don't know my life or the hardships I faced!" I stomped out in anger, I completely lost the facade I unconsciously built up.

"Oh, I never said that I knew what hardships you faced," she started walking again, "But hardships are not rights to judge. Though I can understand where you once stood, if you grew up with a silver spoon then, of course, you will naturally judge others you deem lower than you." She picked up her pace as I struggled to follow along.

"But for the sake of others, you must let go of your judgments of others," Cleo stopped said straight to me.

"Why must I change myself for the sake of others? She only sells bread I don't need to be nice to her." I challenged.

"Oh? Answer me this, what life do you want to lead now that your past life has been flipped?" She cocked an eyebrow.

"Hmmm," I thought, before this, I never knew what would happen after I left the castle, 'Perhaps now that I won't die I can reclaim a bit of the life I once had.'

"I want to live a life in peace, where my worries are nowhere and people don't bother me," I said with my arms crossed.

"I see your view, but I struggle to see how with your current actions you will achieve this. You want your life to go back to how it was before, but you struggle to change. You cannot expect to gain what you once had back." She pointed down a side street, "Just a little further that way."

"Everyone keeps expecting me to change like a ripening fruit, but I am not! I am who I am, no one can change me." I huff and follow her down the street.

She shook her head, "I disagree with you, children are like fruit, and depending on where they grow and what soil they are in you can even taste the difference!" She smiled warmly at me. "One last question, who are you? What defines you as you?"

"What?" This question confused me, 'what defines me, aren't I just me?'

"What defines you, or what are you basing your life on to give you purpose?"

I thought, "I guess me?"

"But which you? You from now or you from the past, you that's long gone."

I stopped, "What am I going to do?"