Day 11

He can walk in the photos and not be seen in the movies. The settings for the world seem buggy to him or is he the bug in the system?

Transcendental or just a paradox unexplained.

Both are similar in some ways, but only some.

But all of those are just his imaginations, mere dreams, in reality, he too is a normal human being with an overthinking nut for a brain.

He looks around and finds most things interesting enough to affect his ideals everytime. How small of a man one can be?

If you start something, finish it. Well, everything can be explained, reasoned and forgiven if there's a condition right. He too has a condition, where the best decisions of his mind doesn't come to fruition in reality and play hurtful games with his perspective. He let the mind bending rules have a part of his soul as he believes that's the only thing to do to free him, to save himself. It's frightening how easily one can sway his mind from right to left, to an atheist to a god loving foolish child of a devil.

If you see yourself in a broken mirror, you can see complete you in small mirrors, or parts of you in cracks of the mirror. The latter was the case with his consciousness, divided and separated. But not distributed equally, no.

Some thoughts were devouring and hungry, some he had to beg to take something from the pool of his mind. But broken, oh always.

There were divisions in the pool, but they were all a part of one at last. So the thinking and connecting ability was through the roof. That you might think is a great ability to possess, but believe me when I say this, one bad thing happening to you and the time your mother died to your dog's death, all flashing at once before your eyes make it hard to have the urge to take the next step forward.

But the next step forward, he did take, for what he wasn't so sure. Maybe to find the reason is the purpose of the step, but being unsure, the step isn't so firm and long, the step isn't so confident and strong.

What's the point is the question looming around him all day, even the people who care are nothing but clay.

He has made himself believe he knows it all, knows too much, and when things don't go as he expects them to, well, they eat away at him too.

So, now what to do? Take another step or end it all.

Doing anything at all, is something he believes is not his call.

Being part of the people, the people who brought him here, he feels indebted so much that the new faces are frivolous to even compare?

𝙎𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙖 𝙨𝙖𝙛𝙚 𝙛𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙖𝙣 𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨 ?

He believes he has no love at all, but at the same time, maybe too much to give.

But whom to love and whom to not.

It's not his call.

Maybe not at all.

-sidhant

(Iamnotgoodformyselfhelp?)