Chapter 4 - A resolution for the future

While waiting for this mysterious Chris to appear, I gathered my thoughts. I had to evaluate my situation, my condition and, more importantly, what I should do going forward. All in all, I was quite in the pickle. I was now in a world that looked alien and somehow wrong, with partial knowledge, which could be both a blessing and a curse. From a certain point of view, I was in an advantageous position, knowing the basic structure of the world and knowing roughly what could happen, from the other, this knowledge could prove itself to be misleading and the false sense of security born from it could spell out my doom. From this point onward, I would have to evaluate carefully every event coming my way and act only after having wisely determined the best route.

Then, there was my condition to evaluate. I could clearly remember most of my fantasies, but couldn't recall my name, my place of birth, my family, if I had one and so on. Basically, I was an amnesic castaway inside a fictitious reality, which had become far more real than fictitious. There was also another possibility to consider, that is, the fact I was actually dreaming, or in a coma, and the fruit of my imagination had not become real, but was still just the fruit of my imagination. Anyway, incapable of recalling even a fraction of what could be considered important by normal human standards, I couldn't find a reason to act in a certain way or towards a specific purpose.

Which brought me to the last topic: what to do going forward. Without a purpose, there was no reason to do anything. Most importantly, it had yet to be assessed if it was worth it to struggle for survival, in a world which I didn't even know if it could be considered real. Fighting with all my might just to end up suffering and ending up dying a dog's death in a forgotten pit of this hellhole, didn't seem enjoyable. Moreover, letting me disappear could both be my end or my ticket to return home, wherever it was. As I so mysteriously ended up here, likewise I could end up going back to where I belonged.

But I knew I was lying to myself. I knew this thought chain was just meant to convince myself I was still what could be somewhat considered "sane". I was so thrilled I couldn't control my smiling expression. A reason? A purpose? Why would I need any of those things? This simply meant I could do whatever I wanted, be whoever I wanted. I didn't remember anything of what had once been important to me? So what? Out-of-sight-out-of-mind, I would be foolish to despair over something I didn't know and couldn't even conceptualise. The fact was, I didn't simply forget, it was like it had been uprooted from my mind, leaving nothing behind, not even sensations or emotions. I didn't feel homesick, not only because I didn't care about my old world, but because I couldn't.

And returning to why I should struggle in order to ensure my survival. The answer was simple. This was my world. This may have been a hellhole, but it was my hellhole, and here someone like me, an archuman, could become something inconceivable by my old world standard. I wasn't a regular human anymore, destined to live under the soil, I was an archuman, destined to be someone great. Maybe I was not the strongest out there, but I could still live a life really worth living, and even more.

I instantly froze. I recognized the stream of consciousness I had just experienced could bring me down a dangerous path, that of insanity. All of the things I had just thought were not too far from what I really felt, but I had let my excitement take hold of me and push things a little too far, making them a bit more extreme than what I initially intended. Actually what I was aiming for was a balanced lifestyle, where I could experience many things and do lots of entertaining things in the world that I created, while indulging a little bit in my fantasies with the necessary moderation. But in a world like this, it would not be possible to live a balanced lifestyle, with death always waiting for me around the corner. The dangers were too many and I doubted my strength was enough to ensure my wellbeing.

Suddenly, enlightenment hit me. I knew what I had to do. The only way I could possibly live a peaceful, fun life in this kind of world, was not do it at all. Meaning, I had to strive a lot, at least initially, in order to make it so that I could be so far beyond the reach of everything, that I could do what I wanted without paying attention to anything. In a world in which unpreparedness spelled death, I had to become someone who could freely ignore this basic truth of life and live without a single care, like everything unfolding around me didn't concern me, because it actually couldn't affect me in the slightest. There was only one way to reach this status: in a world where there was already a hero, a big bad evil guy, and many other unfathomably powerful people, I simply had to become invincible.

Satisfied with my new purpose, which I knew was madness, but not much crazier than everything that was going around me, I thought about the next step to take. I wanted to become so strong no one could pose a threat to me. Unfortunately, I was incredibly far from my goal, but luckily, I had a clue of what I should do to reach it. I just had to find a single person and, from that point on, everything else would come by itself.