Rules

It was one thing for Kyle to be enjoying himself with these meetings. But if Andrea didn't take control and make it clear what was acceptable, she was afraid she might end up throttling him… And the Public Defenders Department tended to frown on lawyers who did that to their clients.

"Alright, that's the first rule. No more sexual innuendo!" she said.

"Inn… you… end-o," Kyle replied. "Why, Blondie, I don't know what you mean. I just asked if I would need a safe word, what possible sexual connotation could THAT have? Perhaps you could explain it to me…"

"You know perfectly well what it means."

"Do I?" said Kyle with mock innocence. "Whether I do or not is a matter of debate, but what is evident is that YOU know of some meaning. Honestly, Blondie, it's not my fault if you have sex on the mind."

"Second rule," Andrea went on, ignoring him. "You keep your shirt on from now on."

"Oh I see, so you're saying that it IS my fault that you have sex on the mind…"

"I'm just trying to keep things a little professional," she said, trying to contain her exasperation.

"What about a compromise?" he said. "I'll promise to keep my shirt on, and yours can stay optional."

"Wow, what a generous offer," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind. On that topic, how about we make it a rule that you keep your eyes up here," she said, pointing to her eyes. "Don't think I haven't noticed you staring."

"I'm sorry," Kyle said, not sounding sorry at all. "It's just hard to resist when I'm locked away in jail, my liberty taken away, my life at risk… can't you at least grant me my right to pursue happiness?"

"You can pursue your happiness ABOVE my neckline thank-you-very-much. And besides, you've been in jail for less than two days!"

"I'll have you know, I'm very attached to my happiness." Andrea assumed it was another innuendo, but there was something about his tone that caught her off guard. This didn't feel like a joke. His eyes were locked onto hers with an intense look of… From anyone else she would have thought it was a look of tenderness. Was he trying to gauge her reaction?

"Can you blame me for being incorrigible in my pursuit?" he said softly.

'He certainly is incorrigible,' Andrea thought. She matched his gaze as if it were a showdown, though she didn't know over what. She certainly wasn't going to let him win, whatever it was.

"You think you're pretty funny, don't you?" she said to break the silence.

"Yeah, I kinda do. But then so do you. I can tell when you're trying not to smile."

Andrea couldn't be sure if he was right about that. She often found his quick wit somewhat amusing in spite of herself, but usually tried to hide it as she didn't want to encourage him.

She made her expression as blank and deadpan as she could, and spoke in a monotone voice. "Yes… I… have… to… fight… to… keep… my…. sides… from … splitting."

Kyle chuckled. "You know, I can see a real market for Robo-Blondie, the cyber-laywer."

She frowned. "Please don't start calling me Robo-Blondie."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Okay, no. I already said that one. Don't call me ma'am, don't call me sir… don't keep calling me silly names. Honestly, why do you have all these nicknames for me?"

Kyle gave a look of genuine confusion. "All these names for you? You think you're the only one I have names for? Nicknames are my thing, I have names for everyone! Look… Blondie, Freckles, Chuckles, err…I think I called you Fluttershy once when you were wearing that yellow and pink combo, but that's about it. There are people I know with far more nicknames than that!"

"Like who?" asked Andrea.

"Like T-Bone, Wing-nut, Short Bus, Two Sips, Grizzly, French Horn, Gandalf, Big Bad Bob, No-Way-Jose, Soft Rock, Medium Dave, Face Down, Left Foot, Turtle, Ghostface…" Kyle took a breath and continued. "Nightcrawler, Disco Steve, Fishnet, Snakebite, Captain Fancy Pants, Arm Rest, Mister Something, Call of Duty, Fun Size, Original Flavor, Pop-n-Fresh–"

"Okay, okay, okay…" Andrea interrupted. That list of names had been rattled off way too quickly for Kyle to have been making it up. "Do I know all those people?"

"Some of them probably. I mean, a few of those names were for the same seven or eight guys. Let me think of one you'd know… Oh! What about your man Finding Nemo? You know him."

"Who?"

"Oh gosh, what was his actual name… erm… Walker, Texas Ranger!" Kyle was clearly wracking his brain.

"...You mean Simon Walker?"

"That's the guy."

"Why do you call him 'Finding Nemo'?"

"He breeds tropical fish."

"Oh," she said. She hadn't known that about Simon.

"Or your friend Madison, I've been calling her Dirt Bike recently since she told me that story about how she knocked one of her teeth out when she was a kid riding one."

"Dirt Bike…" Andrea said doubtfully. She hadn't heard that story from Madison. And she didn't know that she had been talking to Kyle so much. And certainly not that Kyle knew her so well as to have a nickname like that for her. "I would have figured you'd call her Ginger or Bean Pole or… Carrot Top or something."

"Oh sure, back before I got to know her. I like to be a bit more creative with the nicknames."

"Creative?" Andrea asked skeptically. "You call me 'Blondie'."

Kyle shrugged. "No offense, Blondie, but, I don't actually know you that well. Not personally. We've had a lot of court cases against one another, so I know what you're capable of professionally, but that's not a great opportunity to get to know much about someone outside of their work. You kinda play your cards close to your chest."

"Ah-ah-ah, remember rule three."

"Rule three? I wasn't even… it was your metaphorical chest!"

"Well I don't want you looking OR thinking about my chest, even metaphorically, so you can keep your metaphorical gaze on my metaphorical eyes!"

Andrea had to admit that it made sense that he didn't know much about her personal life. In the interactions she and Kyle had had, she would usually try to find a reason to get away as soon as she could. And when they did talk, she was always guarded, trying not to give him anything he could use to make fun of her.

Kyle's annoying nicknames were one of the things that frustrated her about him. It would be stupid to be disappointed that his names for her were so shallow when she always kept him at arm's length. Maybe she wouldn't push back on the nicknames after all…

And she had to admit, she apparently didn't know as much about Kyle as she thought she did. In just the last couple of days she had learned things about him that she would never have guessed. Which reminded her of the next thing she wanted to talk about.

"Next rule," she said, "I expect you to be honest and open with me about everything. Not evasive, not dodging questions, and definitely not lying to me!"

"Okay," Kyle said.

Andrea was surprised he wasn't pushing back more. "Just 'okay'... you're not going to try to argue, or make some stupid joke?"

"Nah, I figured that you were serious about this rule."

"I was serious about the other rules as well!" Andrea insisted.

Kyle gave an incredulous frown, as though to say he was doubtful how serious she had been so far. "Look. I want you to be defending me to the best of your abilities. I need you armed with the truth, and as much of it as I can give you. I'd prefer you not to go digging into personal stuff that isn't relevant to the case, but so long as it's something you honestly need to know, I'm going to try to be an open book."

It was such a marked difference of tone, Andrea almost had whiplash. It was as though Kyle had just switched gears to the more professional personality he used when arguing in court. It was basically how she had hoped he would act when she had first come in and seen him looking alert and ready to work.

She decided to capitalize on the opportunity in case he decided to switch gears again. She tapped the papers again, pointing to the censor bars blacking out references to Kyle's name.

"Alright, you dodged the question the first time I asked, Mr Simple Country Lawyer, so I will ask again. Who are you?" Kyle began to answer, and Andrea just knew that he was going to say something like 'Kyle Wynn, I believe we've met,' so before he had the chance, she clarified. "Who are you that you're capable of getting this kind of consideration from the police? From my department? How do you have so many powerful favors to call in?"