27 Sarina 4

My guilt has been eating away at me. I shouldn't have told Brian we were a mistake. I just didn't want him knowing about how messed up my parents had been to me. I didn't want to relive those horrible memories. I needed to just calm down. It's Friday, I'm supposed to go in again with David's therapy session, I'll just apologize then.

I walk into the art studio, looking for my recently painted picture I did Sunday night after he dropped me off at Lirael's. I couldn't sleep. I was too wound up and so I painted us. Monday night though, when I packed up my stuff from Lirael's I dropped it off here at the studio to clear coat it. It was supposed to be drying on my easel, but it's not there. I start looking through my other canvases and see that the ones that are supposed to be out on the floor.

"Hey, Sarina. You alright?" Barbara asks, coming into the studio.

"No, yes, but no. Have you seen what I did with the painting that was up here on the easel? I can't find it." I ask her.

Barbara pauses, "You told me take the paintings out and put them on the floor that were on your easel. There was only the one and it sold Wednesday almost as soon as it went up. The older lady who bought it was thrilled."

I freeze, my heart dropping as I turn looking wide eyed at Barbara, "It was sold?" I gasp, tears forming in my eyes.

Barbara nods, covering her mouth, "Oh no, it wasn't a commission was it?"

I plop down on the floor, stunned, but say, "No it was not a commission, it was mine. You really sold it?" I ask, a tear breaking past my lashes. That painting held all my emotions from last weekend in its paint, and now it was gone.

Barbara nods, "Yes, but maybe I can give the person a call, tell them there was a mix up. That the painting was a commission and .... oh, Sarina. I'm so sorry. I'll go call right now. We have the woman's information." She takes off out of the studio and into office area. I get up and follow her on shaky legs and hear the conversation.

"I'm so sorry, but I already gifted it to the person I bought it for. I'm terribly sorry. I must let you go, I'm working at the moment. I'm sorry again, bye."

Barbara looks up at me, as I wipe my eyes. "It's fine. It was not on purpose." I try to smile at her but more tears fall.

Barbara comes over and hugs me, "Tell me, Sarina. What's really wrong, love?"

We sit there and I tell her, most of it. The amazing weekend, how he's been able to help my brother get help, and then what happened on Monday and my reaction to it all.

"Has he tried to contact you at all?" Barbara asks.

"Yes, but I've just ignored them. I was angry that I had to relive those memories and that he heard them too. I needed to cool down before I said something else that I regretted."

Barbara shakes her head at me, "So do you forgive the man?"

I nod, even as I think about it, "Yes, I do. I'm going to apologize to him today at David's therapy session." I glance at the clock, "Which I better get going to. I'll see you later, Barbara."

She ushers me out and I take off to the facility. When I get there I find my brother outside on the patio, smoking a cigarette with one of the other guys.

"What are you doing, smoking? David, you just got over pneumonia!" I rush up, taking the cigarette from his mouth. His buddy takes off, walking away as David sits there and scowls at me.

"What did you do to doc, Sarina?" He asks me, his tone accusatory and angry.

"Why did he say something?" I immediately cross my arms in defense, annoyed that he'd bring my brother into this.

"No, he didn't say anything. The man looked like he was dead inside on Wednesday and I get told this morning, that he's not coming today. I know something happened after I left the room on Monday. I had to tell the cock sucking resident doctor here today that I'm still thinking about hurting myself the second I'm released so I could stay and see him again. See if I could fix whatever happened between you two because of me." David looks pissed, but not at anyone in particular.

"Why did he not come in today? He said he would treat you just like any other patient, even if you were not my brother."

"He did on Wednesday. They wouldn't tell me why he's not coming in. Now, please tell me what you said to him that has him looking like his soul left his body?" David demands.

"I told him this was a mistake, that we were a mistake... and I've ignored his messages, all week." I grumble.

"You told him that you two, together, was a mistake?! Sarina!" David shouts at me, making one of the staff members come out side.

"Is everything alright out here?"

I turn to him, "Yes, thank you."

"Sarina, you better respond to him, say something, anything!"

"FINE! I shout angrily back at him, pulling my phone from my purse. I look at his last message and see it's just five words.

-I'm sorry. I miss you.-

I don't know what to say to that. So I just respond back.

-I miss you too-

But even after it's sent we get no response. Not the whole hour I sit there with my brother talking about his last session.

"Sissy, there's something I've been needing to tell you." David sighs, looking up at the sky.

My phone goes off and it's Lirael.

"Hold on a second, David, while I answer this."

"Hello, Lirael?"

"Hey, Sarina. I wanted to know if you've talked to Brian yet today?"

"No, I haven't heard from him, I'm visiting my brother and he was supposed to be here."

"Can you go by his house and check in on him, please? His spare apartment key is here with me. I'm really worried about him, he's not answered any of my calls or texts. I know you have been upset with him, but could you do this for me please?"

I don't even hesitate to think about it, "Yes, of course. I'll be right there to get the key."

I hang up and turn to David, "I'm sorry, David. I've got to go."

"It's all good sis, go do what you need to. I'll be right here. Just let me know if it's something serious. "

"I will. Love you." I give him a quick hug and head out of there. I swing by the hospital and get the key from Lirael, who just asks me to text her when I make sure he's alright.

When I arrive, I sit and watch for any movement in his apartment first when I see his car is there. I find myself hesitating as I walk up to the door, but quickly knock to see if he will answer it. When nothing happens, I unlock the door and call out.

"Brian? Lirael sent me over here to check on you. She was worried you were not answering your phone." I don't get a response, so I walk in and close the door behind me.

"Brian?" I call out again. I check his office door that's cracked open, but it's just his computer and desk covered in files.

"Brian?" I call out again before making my way to his bedroom, where I here some movement and then a pained groan.

"Brian!" I rush into his room and find him in bed, shaking like he's freezing but I see the sheen of sweat on his face.

"Brian? Can you hear me?! It's Sarina." I try to rouse him but even when I touch him he's not responding.

"Oh my God, you're burning up!" I run to the bathroom and grab a wash cloth wetting it with cool water and running back to him to lay it on his head.

I'm freaking out trying to think of what else I could do and quickly pull the blankets off of him. I run to his freezer and pull out an ice pack, run back into the room and place it on top of the rag. He's shivering like crazy though, and I don't know what to do.

Remembering what David used to do when I was sick, I crawl into the bed next to him and give him my body heat.

My phone goes off and I pull it from my pocket. It's Lirael asking me if I made it here.

I write her back saying yes, that he's burning up with a fever and got an ice pack on a towel for his head and I'm trying to keep his body warm.

She tells me she'll come over as soon as she's off work, but if I feel the need to get him to the doctor to call Lance.

Brian groans some more as I lay there contemplating calling Lance.

His eyes weakly open up, and he tries to focus but his eyes quickly close again as he whispers my name, barely audible. "Sarina."

"Yes, I'm here, Brian. It's okay, I'm here." I quickly tell him, holding him close to my body.

I'm not sure how long I laid there before Lirael shows up and walks in the door.

"Did he wake up at all?" She asks me, coming in and feeling his temperature that's finally starting to come down.

"He did for a second. He said my name but went back to sleep almost immediately." I inform her.

She nods, "Well according to the doctors at the hospital, there's a nasty flu going around that people have been getting. They said it's bad for about two to three days but improve after that. I can stay and watch him for a little bit, but I have to go with Lance to do some things for the wedding tomorrow. Do you think you could go grab some clothes and stay with him till he's better? The doctors did say that some people have needed hospitalization and with how bad he is, I don't want him to be left alone."

I look down at Brian and quickly agree, "I don't want to leave him alone like this either. I'll run home and grab some clothes and come right back." I tell her climbing off the bed.

I'm back within the hour and Lirael made something for me to eat and told me about the soup in the fridge for when Brian wakes up. She stresses to me that when he wakes to take some medicine the doctors recommended and for him to drink some more fluids if I can get him to. She thanks me for staying and takes off after checking on him one more time and then I'm left there to take care of him.

I crawl into some pajamas before sliding under the covers with him. He's started to shiver again and groan a bit, coughing as he rolls over on his side. I try to get him to take a sip of water, which he does without opening his eyes.

I remember David used to talk to me when I was sick too, when I was little he'd read me stories. Looking down at Brian, I chew my lip and don't know what to say. Then I think about what I wanted to say to him earlier today.

He's facing me as he sleeps, so I just stroke his arm and start saying what's on my mind.

"I'm sorry I got upset Monday and said that we were a mistake. I was just angry and embarrassed that David told you those things about us growing up. My parents never wanted a daughter, just sons, but they got stuck with me regardless. I'm sorry I lashed out at you, Brian. My brother told me you looked like a man that lost his soul, when he saw you. I'm sorry, I hurt you. I'm sorry."

I wipe a tear that falls down my cheek. I really was sorry. This last weekend, I really felt special with him, he had made me feel worshipped, beautiful, wanted.

I have never felt wanted, with anybody, the way he made me feel in this very bed. Surrounded by these same walls that I look at right now.

"Is that my painting?!"