132 Confused

I can't believe it. I found his car. I was on my way to where we spent some time in Glen Rose and only saw it for a split second. I almost missed it. I turned around and went back to make sure, this being the fifth car that looked like his, but this one was his. I called up Lance and told him where he was and then Lirael to let them know. I then entered the front office to talk to the manager.

It took me a while to convince them, even threatening them with a lawsuit if he was found other than alive for them to finally go up and knock to try and have him open the door. When we heard a loud thump and groan, panic set in.

"Open the door now!"

The man opened the door for me and I rushed in to find Brian a mess on the floor, that was scattered with pictures. The strong odor of stale alcohol hit me, making me cover my nose as I shook Brian's arm.

He groans and attempts to roll over, muttering, "Leave me alone!"

I sigh and stand going to the manager. "I have friends coming to help get him home. He seems to just be drunk for right now. Thank you for your help."

"Do you want a refund for his room? He paid for a week in cash."

"No, that won't be necessary. Just use it to tip yourself and the housekeepers please." They nod and I close the door and text Lance the room number. He had met everyone back up at the house and would be bringing the guys to help get him back home. Looking around at the room I start to gather up his stuff, since there was no way I could pick him up off the floor where he was snoring at the moment.

Now that my fears of finding him possibly dead were silenced, I was starting to get angry. I gathered his toiletries, grateful to see he had attempted a shower recently, from the wet towels on the floor. When I start picking up all the pictures and looking at them my jaw drops.

That mental guy who approached me outside my therapists office over a year ago. There were pictures of that?! Who ever took these has been following me for a long time. I don't remember the date that happened though to see if the day was right at least. I pick up more and find something odd. Apparently, I have been seeing this guy for a while, according to the pictures. That I even slept with him in Brian's apartment. Except, some of these dates were after we had cleared out the apartment, so why was my painting still on the wall? I knew they were fakes, but this was becoming ridiculous with how many of them I have the same facial expression.

I could tell in some that a body double must have been used to make it seem like it was me and John. Because I would never wear some of these outfits and neither would John. John has a tattoo on his arm that he wears long sleeves to cover so he looks more professional. I've known this since college. One of these pictures the man is wearing a short sleeve and has no tattoo.

I scoff and throw the pictures into his suitcase, pissed the fuck off now. I send a text to Lance asking how far away they are and I find out they're still a good forty-five minutes away. I look down at Brian and shake my head. That's when I noticed the empty alcohol bottles. Two of Jack, two of Jameson and almost the whole bottle of tequila, and these are the giant bottles we purchase from the warehouse stores.

He drank all that in two and a half days!

Rage and disappointment fills me. I walk over to the bathroom and fill a cup with cold water and promptly go splash him in the face with it.

He groans, eyes slowly opening as he yells, "What the fuck?!"

"Brian, are you trying to drink yourself to death!" I shout at him, standing in front of him.

"Great... another dream." Brian begins to mumble, slurring his words as he asks, "So when is John and whoever that other guys is, supposed to show up and fuck you again?"

He thinks this is a dream? It doesn't matter though, because I can hear the pain in his voice.

It's almost pitiful the way he pushes himself up and crawls to lean himself against the wall so he's sitting up.

"Just leave me alone! Damn it! This is painful enough with out having to see it over and over again!" He shouts, slumping against the wall breathing heavily, eyes shut tight. His whole body says he's in pain. When I see him swallow hard I grab the trash can and place it in front of him as he covers his mouth. Just in time too, since the next moment he's vomiting liquid. The strong odor of tequila filling the room.

Once he's done vomiting, he wipes his mouth off with his sleeve and passes back out. I take the trash can and dump it in the toilet before rinsing it out in the shower.

I sit on the bed and just look at him. At the state he's in. So much pain, for nothing. Over a lie.

Tears roll down my cheeks at how much this hurt him. I know some of these were convincing enough, but he really thought that I would cheat on him... That hurt me too. I start to sob because I know he's in so much pain that he couldn't handle it, that's why he drank so much.

I crouch down on the floor next to him, wanting to just touch him, because as I think about it. I'm grateful he's alive. I stroke the stubble on his cheek with my thumb still crying, wanting to throw my arms around him and just hold him, as I look to the ceiling in silent thanks that he's even here for me to touch.

"Sarina?" Brian's confused mumble has my gaze returning to his face. His eyes are glazed and unfocused, barely staying open as they keep falling. "I love you." He whispers, painfully.

"Oh, Brian. I love you too, you fool." I lean over and kiss his cheek, and Brian wraps his arms around me pulling me onto his lap.

"Please stay with me.." He mumbles, "I love you." Tears falling from his eyes as he nestles his head on my chest and I wrap my arms around him.

"Of course baby." I mutter as he passes back out, starting to softly snore. I stay like that, holding him, until my feet and legs go numb from straddling his hips on my knees. I gently lean him back against the wall as I attempt to use my legs that start feeling like fire ants are crawling over and biting me as the blood flow returns.

There's a knock at the door and I open it to find Lance, Big Daddy, Aman and Simon to help me out.

I start to cry again, "He's right here guys." I move out of the way and motion to him on the floor.

Big Daddy shakes his head and in his deep baritone voice that reminds me of thunder rumbling in the distance, asks, "Are you alright, Sarina girl?"

I nod, "Yeah, just relieved you guys are here."

Aman is down on his knees checking him out, his pulse, his heartbeat, then he tries to look in to his eyes and Brian grumbles. "What the fuck... "

Lance gets down on his knees, "Hey Brian. It's Lance."

Simon grabs my sleeve and whispers to me, "I'll grab his bags. Why don't you show me down to the car so I can put them up, okay. Just in case he won't see reason when he wakes up cause he's too wasted."

I nod, tears falling down at the thought as Simon grabs the packed bags and we leave the room as Lance and Aman start to try and rouse him, which is irritating him. Simon puts his suitcase in my car and asks for the keys, saying he'll drive us back.

I sit in the car as Big daddy carries Brian like a child in his arms to Lance's car and puts him in the back seat. He shuts the door as Aman and Big Daddy climb in Brian's car before we all head back.

Simon pats my hand that's gripping the fabric of my pants on my leg. "It'll be okay honey. You two will get through this."

I nod, "I just can't believe he actually would believe all that."

Simon sighs, "I don't think he did believe it honey. If he really had, he would have gone to see John and beat the shit out of him. Angry, hurt Brian, confronts and takes care of things. Confused, hurt Brian, he drinks. Trust me. I've see it enough over the years bartending at the club."

"I've never noticed, this is the first time he's been like this." I inform him.

Simon scoffs, "Really? Cause I remember him coming into the club drinking with Dass and Amanda because he wanted to surprise you and you didn't show up. He was confused that night wanting to surprise you. When the surprise didn't work out, he was disappointed but felt guilty about it, cause it's not like you knew it was a surprise. IS that not a hurt, confused, Brian drinking, my dear?"

He takes a breath, "That's the most recent one I can remember, darlin. There were more before you came into the picture. Like I said, trust me, I've been his bartender a long time."