Chapter Fourteen - My First Experience with Occlumency

At the beginning of December I decided to look for Snape and start practicing, unfortunately, what I received was a large number of questions, all to ensure my understanding of the book, and other books.

One Saturday when the boys went to visit Hagrid, I went to my meeting with Snape, determined to practice.

- "Professor, how many more books will I have to read? It doesn't bother me, but I've read too much, how about a little practice?"-

-"Your brain is somewhat layered, but you are very young, and you do not have enough strength yet, if I try legitimacy you will not put up any resistance and you will only suffer, do not overestimate your ability."-

- "Well, now I have another question, is there a method to create resistance to the imperius curse?"-

- "Why would you need to create resistance? You're just an 11-year-old brat."-

- "You know who my mother is, and how loyal she is to Voldemort, I just would like to avoid being controlled to do bad things."-

- "In addition to willpower, your resistance could be strengthened if they throw it at you a lot, but it would be a long and painful process. Your mind would run out pretty quickly. Snape said as he looked at me bored."-

- "I would like to try both, I need to hurry, I have many things to do besides this, patronus, apparition, I have to learn to defend myself and I have until the fourth year before everything starts to go to shit…"-

- "THAT LESTRANGE VOCABULARY!"- 

- "¿¡Carajo de aquí a cuando se preocupa por el maldito bienestar mental de los estudiantes!? (The hell between now and when do you worry about the damned mental well-being of the students!?) - Perhaps due to my exalted state I said it in Spanish.

- "What did you say?" - Luckily Snape didn't understand and just asked me with a reproachful look.

- "I... Not much just... Don't think about my mental state, please I need to practice. I will stop when you order me to."

With a long sigh, Snape narrowed his eyes and made me sit up. He then points his legeremens wand at me.

An immense pain invaded my mind and fragments of a horrible memory invaded me, a man blinded by fury hitting and pulling a woman out of the house by the hair, while the two little brothers held hands without being able to help her, it hurt a lot. I felt as if my brain was being squeezed and repressed, many moans came out of my mouth, the pain did not stop and other fragments began to form the same drunken man now older again hitting my mother, and me now older standing between them and thrown far.

Then the memories stopped, along with the pain, Snape stood in front of me and lowered his wand.

- "Go back to your common room, as you felt practicing occlumency is hard and painful, not something a brat your age should experience."-

- "No! It certainly hurts but I can continue."-

- "First look at your miserable appearance, and judge if you can continue without suffering an emotional shock, don't forget your word, we will stop. Leave as soon as you calm down a little."-

When I looked at my hands, I noticed that my whole body was shaking. When I touched my face there were tears still coming out. I felt dizzy, uncomfortable, and frustrated, it was the first practice. I clearly knew that I would be defeated, but from everything that was in my mind. Why those memories!? I simply closed my eyes and tried to calm my mental state, although I died in my twenties, (I say died, I don't even know what happened to me there) my mental state was sometimes strange, I don't know if my body is causing a mental or just physical setback. My mind and body were reaching a middle point of immaturity, but sometimes my reactions were not consistent with those of an adult, a big sigh later I began to converse again.

- "Could you teach me a little defense against the dark arts?"-

- "I'm a potions professor."-

- "But you would be an excellent teacher of the dark arts and duelist."-

- "Stop your absurd adulation, if you are capers I will teach you in the second year, this year's occlumency is enough, you practically live in the library."-

Snape said turning around, but he still didn't realize that when I flattered him, an almost imperceptible micro smile appeared on his face, only a tsundere would say that.

With his statement, I got up a little and returned to the common room, the majority still ignored me but I had already gotten weakly used to indifference and being singled out like that if I passed by and went up to my room, and bumped into Hermione who was leaving with some books.

- "Where were you, Eli? We came back from Hagrid and I didn't find you, what happened to you? You look pale and... You cried!?"-

- "Don't worry, I went to the infirmary since my head hurts, and my eyes look like that from reading too much. Right now I'm quite sleepy so I plan to sleep."-

- "Are you sure you're okay? Don't you want to talk?"

When I refused, Hermione said goodbye and I fell fast asleep.

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