Part XVIII

'Have you ever hated a day so much that you wished it never happened in your life?' well I do, and guess what, it's my birthday, 30th December…Each year, on this day, my parents used to throw a big party, for Angela, everything was made according to her choices, her friends, her favorite strawberry flavor cake, pink color or pastel color decoration, and even the gifts brought were mostly for her, my mother always asked me to adjust because she is younger than me, 'Yeah, younger by 1 freaking minute' so if I was the one who came out 1 minute later than Angela, would I have been receiving all these priorities? Don't think so, it's just that everyone is attracted to Angela's bright personality, on the other hand, my emotionless and blunt attitude made people distance themselves from me, though I never had anyone to be invited except for Maria and her family, Maria always brought a chocolate cake for me on my birthday, and it was my grandparents and brothers who gave me gifts, as for my parents, I was always a second priority and most of the time they used to overspend on Angela and didn't have any budget left to buy me a gift. Life was still good, because there were people who actually celebrated my birthday even though my parents didn't bother, but this year is different, Angela has started her career as a Japanese Popstar and shooting in an advertisement, today she has shot so our parents decided they won't put up a party, her birthday would be celebrated in the site itself, my grandparents are busy with some important work so they can't visit this time, my parents went for a vacation and my siblings are busy, I was all alone in the house on a day where you actually expect people to be there for you.

I woke up late in the afternoon, rubbing my face tiredly, my cellphone rang, it was Maria…'She remembers'… I thought to myself, a small smile curled up on my lips seeing her name, since yesterday nobody bothered to mention my birthday, neither did anyone wish me yet, but the fact that at least someone was always there for me gave me an unknown satisfaction which was beyond my understanding. There seems to be stress going on between my family members ever since the reunion scene, and everyone is trying to avoid speaking regarding that day for Mother's sake. I picked up the call and tried to sound cool, we spoke for over an hour, getting updates about each other's life, I skipped Hana sis's incident while speaking, she was settled in Russia but facing problems with adjusting, children avoided her because she joint during mid-session and everyone already had their friends group, language is also a barrier, and the food is becoming an issue, but she said she will do her best to overcome all these like she always did, she misses me a lot and said Japan was good only because I am here.

Me: You make it sound like you would be happy anywhere, as long as I am there for you. (I said sarcastically with a small hint of sadness in my voice)

Maria's voice: Yes… it's true…you make me feel at home…(she said as her voice starts choking due to suppressed tears)

Me: (I took a deep breath before speaking) What is the point of having a home? Everything is temporary in life, you just need shelter over your head, clothes over your body, food on your plate, water to drink and some money to spend to be alive in this world….don't be dependent on others as a method of survival, at the end of the day, you would break apart.

Maria: Anne…someday you will realize, how wrong you are….humans can't live alone forever, we need at least one person who would be there for us when we need them the most….we are like flowers, without water and sunlight from a loving person, we would wilt. (she sighed sadly)

Me: Water and sunlight can be received from nature itself, there are lots of wildflowers and trees in nature that grow without the support of humans, and they live much better than those flowers growing in the garden waiting to be plucked and ripped by those hands which took care of it, now you need to decide do you want to live a happier life as a wildflower or get ripped by those whom you are dependent on. (I spoke in a harsh tone) But am glad that you have become philosophical after staying with me (I laughed softly)

Maria: I know…you won't trample on me ever….so I trust you with my life….and hope you will someday find people who will make you feel at home…bye Anne…Happy Birthday, I hope that you get all the happiness in this world. (She says before disconnecting the call)

Me: (I murmured to myself after she disconnected the call) 'Home' huh?....

I climbed down the stairs and entered the kitchen, grabbing a cereal box from the cupboard, a bowl, and a tablespoon, keeping them on the dining table, then I motioned towards the fridge to take out milk when I noticed a sticky note on the fridge door with a message from my mom.

'Dear Anne, Happy birthday, sorry that we couldn't be there on your special day, but Dad has brought your favorite cake and kept it inside the fridge, hope you enjoy your day, and don't wait for us, we will directly go to meet Angela and surprise her at the advertisement set, please don't feel bad, she is your younger sister, I know that my elder daughter is understanding.'

I took the sticky note in my hands and tore it apart, then opened the refrigerator and stared at the cake for a moment in disbelief, 'Strawberry cake', he freaking got me a strawberry cake! And claimed it was my favorite? Did Mother even bother to check what her husband brought for me?! Not only he fucked up by forgetting that its Angela's favorite cake flavor and not mine but also he freaking forgot that am allergic to strawberry and which gives me bad rashes and fever, and could even kill me! How could he not even remember that I was hospitalized and almost died after eating strawberries when I was 2 years old! I grabbed the cake and smashed it on the floor frustrated, "What a loving family".

Taking out a bottle of orange juice, I opened the cap and started drinking to cool my brain, I was tired of my family, they would raise my BP even before I can reach the age of 40, I can't stay here anymore, I hate my birthday, and I hate my parents even more for ruining this day for me, is Angela the only child they bother about? Then why the fuck did you have so many children!! I screamed in my brain but what is the point when there is no one to listen to my grief, my anger, my frustration, even my jealousy…how to survive in a world where you are all by yourself? I wish…I was never born, I should have died in her womb…or maybe only one sperm should have fertilized that day….I wish…I can die…somewhere far away from my family…will they regret neglecting me then? Is there a miracle in this world, if there is, send me far away from this mad town and I promise I will never celebrate my birthday in the future, whom to celebrate it for when there is not even a single soul who bothered to be here for me on this day. I hate everyone, and above all I hate myself, it is not Angela's fault that my life is a misery, she is an innocent child whom I wish to protect with my whole life, the main culprit is our parents, and I hate them from the core of my heart, I swear I will never return to Japan if I ever get a chance to leave, I will never look back and miss this place.

While I was busy cursing my fate, the doorbell rang, opening the door I found mail man waiting with a letter, after signing I received the letter, it was from the Quiz Competition sponsor, last week without noticing my parents, I took part in the competition and got the first prize, today they sent a consent letter along with the scholarship to study in France, I felt delighted thinking that I could finally leave this hell, 'This is the miracle that I created for myself, the most suitable gift for my birthday', I thought to myself feeling excited, but how to receive consent from my parents? Will they agree to this? And what about my siblings? New stress started popping in my brain as soon as I completed reading the letter, I need to leave within a week, but I still don't know how to explain this to my family.

To be continued...