The Oceans Heartbeat

For every step you didnt take towards me, I heard the ocean singing back as an echo of my thoughts. My fears. All coming true. But not all, only my fear towards you. That you alone, would break me, leave me and used me. I dont think your intentions were bad, but the actions hurt me deeply. Your words hurt me deeply. The lack of care that you have shown hurts me in a way I havent quite felt hurt before So personal and yet so irrelevant to me. or as im told, it should be irrelevant to me. I still care for you, and that fills me with anger and sadness and occasionally a desperation that you can only hope for my sake and your own is temporary. whether youll move on or not, I will still feel involved. You told me to let you go but I feel as if I cant not even seeing your face has brought me away from sincerely hoping youll come back. I was told my persistence is looked up to by someone close to me and I feel suprised, for if not for my persistence I wouldnt feel any hope you will come back. but here I am. I could see it. I can see it, I can feel it. but it is not what i need. i dont know what I need right now, except god. i feel like I hate you and i never want to see you again but I also feel like I love you and youre all I want in my life. neither of these are honest to my authentic feelings. I love who you were when we were silly, I love who you were when we could sit and do nothing, I love who you were when you were helpful. maybe you decided thats not you anymore, in which case Il grieve the old you, minus the hurt you caused.