Dilemma

It's not wrong to take action.

But how can we live with that action?

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He decided to Resign from this place. I don't know what the reason is. But I don't want to deal with that anymore. He told me that.

"Never mention my name to anyone!"

That was all he said before leaving. And I promised him and agreed to his request.

because I also thought that, why not tell the incident and his name to many people. After all, maybe no one will believe it, but it's too late. When one mouth has spoken, many mouths will also have an opinion.

I was used to it after the incident passed. But I became less talkative and would rather be silent.

Because after that incident, almost all the children in this school knew my identity. And even though they value my abilities and don't mock or bully me. But it just feels so different. And I'm not comfortable with this.

Some then come to me and ask questions. Yes, I just said yes and answered modestly. Because that's actually what I don't like. Too exposed.

Yes, what are you going to do? This is a risk that I bear and I should bear. Because being someone different from others is not easy.

There are so many things that must be lived, from what happened. But from there I thought and looked for a solution.

Maybe you think that I enjoy it all.

Not...

Not at all.

I didn't enjoy it at all.

But I am grateful for what I have now.

Indeed, it happened one year ago.

If you say it now, now it's very far from that incident.

But that incident is still stuck in my mind to this day. And it always feels like it just happened yesterday in my life.

I realized that I couldn't go on like this. But I can't get this out of my normal mind.

Until now, one that always bothered me. I still don't know where Awan is.

I often called him, but still the same. There was no answer from him.

It feels like all of this is for nothing.

I tried to make friends with the others. But it feels different. They can't live like Awan. They only ask for help from me and ask for my strengths. They don't understand my feelings.

Not at all.

Unlike Awan. He was always there for me, always able to give me a piece of advice that could help me. I feel and think, I can live this all without him.

But all of that is just talk.

I can't get through this without it.

My days go by without anything special.

Everything I feel is the same.

Every hour, day, week, month, and even year.

I think this is the end of my story. And I have to focus more on preparing for my graduation exam. I don't know if I will stay here to continue my life? Or I will go home and resume my life at home.

This is a big question for me. To end what I didn't want to start.

But everything is different.

I started it and I have to end it too.

I will now focus more on my graduation exams.

I don't know yet, whether I decide to stay and work here or I go home.

Because all thoughts are still in doubt in my head.

And I tell you one thing.

That I still have more abilities.

My abilities didn't disappear with R's departure from this place. But my abilities are getting better after that incident.

I don't know how strong I can stand in all kinds of trouble. But I also never know when I will lose.

***

Time goes by so fast I guess, that even the daily description doesn't feel like it's been a month. Even the months that passed did not feel like years.

I have graduated now with satisfactory grades. Not showing off. There is no intention, the important thing is to pass.

I decided that I stay here.

Everything I'm going through right now is a spinning wheel of life and I don't necessarily know which direction to replace.

Whether above or below is a mystery.

Sweet and bitter is a melody that can happen at any time.

And of course, it's coming...

I ask permission to close this story. The story where when I was in school, I will continue with my story when I worked and became an adult.

I can't equate a story of an experience when I was in school with an experience when I was growing up and working.

Because all events must be different.

I hope you are with me. Can remember all the times when I was in school.

And my new attachment starts with a different story when I became an adult.

I'm afraid to share it with you. But sharing this experience does not end here.

Because I still have a long way to go and I can't just sit back and keep it to myself.

I will share it with you, because who else would it be if not you. You are my loyal reader. There's no way I can forget you.

Maybe this sounds very strange to you. But remember I never play with my words.

Because I know that boomerang is always waiting. When we throw something bad, he will come back with something bad.

When I throw something good then he will come back with good too.

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Everything has happened