Psychological struggle

A few suffocating breaths passed; Snow couldn't gauge the strength of the person in front of him, and at the same time, he didn't want his hand to remain imprisoned by this captive.

In a world like this, Snow knew that ignorance could be fatal. If he wanted to struggle to retrieve his hand, he might lose it, but not struggling might cost him his life.

Despite that, the captive's grip wasn't harsh on his hand. Silence loomed as thoughts rushed through Snow's mind intensely, while the suffocating atmosphere persisted for a few seconds before the captive released Snow's hand.

Snow looked at the captive in disbelief, as the latter brushed aside his disheveled hair, revealing unique features. It was impossible to determine the gender yet, but Snow didn't care about such a detail.

"What is your name?" the captive asked.

"Snow."

Snow didn't inquire about the captive's motives but remained calm with a body ready to move, wanting to escape at any chance of death.

Sometimes, fleeing could be an act of courage.

"So, you are Snow."

Snow looked sharply, his thoughts unable to keep up with his expressions.

"Aren't you going to ask how I know your name?"

To Snow, it seemed the captive was mocking him, but Snow wasn't sure the captive truly knew him, maybe pretending to be freed.

"Well, you do match the description. Are you interested in having a conversation with me? I'm feeling bored alone."

Snow frowned at the captive's unexpected chatter. Contrary to his cold appearance, he seemed quite talkative.

"Interested," Snow said calmly.

The captive was surprised. "You're interested? Unexpected."

Snow wondered how this captive could be so foolish, asking if he was interested and then being surprised when he said he was.

"Are you wondering why I'm surprised?"

Can he read my thoughts...

"I can't read your thoughts, by the way. Anyone in your place would think like this."

"What is the discussion?"

"You're very direct. Sometimes you need to be patient," said the captive.

Silence lingered for a few seconds as they stared at each other. It could have been a staring contest if the captive hadn't interrupted the silence: "What do you think we should talk about feelings? It seems like an amusing topic."

Snow's expressions escaped, revealing curiosity.

"Alright, I've piqued your curiosity. Can you tell me why humans can feel? Haven't you ever wondered what the source of feelings is and how they can affect a person's being? Do you think feelings are beneficial for humans?"

'So, it's this kind of discussion,' Snow thought, then said, "I don't know."

"That's expected. Feelings can be embodied in words, and they can be embodied in actions. In your opinion, what kind of feelings can humans embody?"

"Both?"

"Incorrect answer. Humans can't embody feelings in reality. They exert their efforts to express the marvelous thing called feelings through communication with words, facial expressions, or even actions, but feelings are truly something that can't be embodied because they are not understood. You can love, but you won't understand why you love. You can desire, but after you fulfill your desire, it will disappear. So why did it become a desire if it was going to die? Is it something real, and why shouldn't desire and feelings die? And if they die, what will they look like?" The captive took a breath. "You are an example of dead feelings, and life is an example of existing feelings. You didn't understand anything, did you?"

"I understand."

"Hmm, so since you understood, tell me where feelings come from."

Snow thought deeply before arriving at a strange answer.

"Feelings have existed from the beginning?"

"Correct! That's my belief on the matter. If humans had the ability to create something like feelings from nothing, they could choose not to feel. But you've never chosen not to feel; you were just forced, weren't you?"

"That's true."

"Now, in your opinion, why do feelings affect us?"

Snow thought again, but despite the prolonged thinking and the captive's patience, he couldn't come up with an answer.

"I don't know."

"I didn't expect you to come up with an answer. Let me tell you, feelings can be imagined as phantom limbs in the body, like getting a new pair of hands. You'd look like a monstrous creature with four hands, but these hands are phantom and can't be used. However, they can move freely, they can grasp things, and they can die and become disabled. Despite that, their death doesn't mean they disappeared forever. You can always feel sadness once or twice, or countless times, and this is what makes feelings interesting, don't you agree?"

Snow didn't understand the expressions used since his feelings were removed, but he understood a little of the description.

"What if I told you that everything I just told you is a lie within a lie?"

Snow was surprised for the first time. He didn't understand the nature of these feelings, but he knew they were something like surprise.

"This is my lesson for you. Humans can embellish their words and describe obvious things clearly, but the truth is something we sense with something higher than this. Words are neither nourishing nor fulfilling. So, your first lesson is not to believe anything from anyone; you must seek the truth yourself. Now that you've felt surprise, how do feelings seem to you?"

Snow stood up, went back, and placed the food containers, then left silently, deciding to delve into his thoughts alone.

The captive didn't say anything and understood Snow's desires.

In the evening.

The wind played a tune of refreshing calm, while the trees resigned from their duty of guarding, lowering their leaves to sleep. The flowers closed, not showing their petals, and the sky was overcast.

Snow didn't witness this natural masterpiece but continued inhaling the humid air from the cave openings while thinking.

Feelings, at this stage, he didn't know if he had a desire to regain something lost—feelings. He didn't understand if there was any benefit in reclaiming something that could affect him like this.

Words can contain many different expressions, and expressions can reach the listener's heart, but it's hard to deny or believe anything. Logic can be something believable, but the truth of its credibility or lack thereof depends on much bigger things.

At this deep stage, Snow didn't know if life could be harder to understand. He didn't know which path he should take or why he had to choose. Where do choices come from, and why should he be bound by them?

This was philosophical and unhelpful; only questions accumulated, but answers would never come on their own. Snow stopped thinking about something meaningless. Life can be difficult only if you delve deeply into thoughts, so he shortened a long loop of unanswered questions for himself.

Now with this strange feeling, he decided to get up and fiddle around. He didn't want his thoughts to take over him. He started searching through the books on the shelves aimlessly.

A book with a strange blank cover fell. He picked it up and blew the dust off its surface, then sat cross-legged, deciding to choose randomness in reading and opened it at a random place.

"Day thirty-five, skinned 5 of the subjects. No response was shown, they were disposed of."

Snow's expressions couldn't contain his thoughts. If someone saw him, they would think he wasn't thinking about anything, but his feeling now was complicated.

He turned another page. "Day thirty-six, struggled with many subjects while splitting their heads. No response either."

It wasn't fun anymore. Instead of containing his scattered feelings and thoughts, it became much worse now.

He started flipping pages, wanting to understand. "Day forty, found a suitable specimen. It has a suitable body; the results can flourish."

"A month after the start of the experiments, the subject's wailing was loud. I killed someone in front of it, and it stopped screaming."

"A year later, subject X flourished. Its expressions can't be read. A comprehensive status will be determined after many experiments."

"Two years later, subject X wasn't the chosen one, but unexpectedly one of the samples turned out to be suitable for the experiment. The imprisoned sample will be monitored in the cage."

Snow became skeptical of the words at this point.

"The new sample is being monitored. Its body was exhausted from torture. Resistance signs have disappeared. The sample is now as lifeless as ash, it may fail if rescue is delayed."

"Execution day, the sample will be rescued after approval is obtained. The sample is lifeless, it's the suitable sample."

Snow threw the book away. Now at this point, everything became dark. He couldn't believe anything. After all these changes he went through, he couldn't keep himself together. The world is unjust...