HP: What would you do if you were Snape in his time at Hogwarts?

December 1975, Great Britain.

In the town of Cokeworth there was a small house very dreary and worn out located at the end of Spinner's End street, this house was located in a very depressing and unpleasant place for the vast majority of people.

In this place where the houses are made of brick, old wood and mostly deserted with broken lampposts and gray and dirty windows where they are barely distinguishable in the dark, is where Severus Snape lived his childhood and his current adolescence, near this place there is also a large dirty river and an abandoned mill with a tall chimney.

In this house Severus Snape was currently inside a small living room, where the walls were completely covered with books, most of them bound in black or old brown leather; a frayed sofa, an old armchair, and a rickety table were grouped in a pool of dim light projected by a lamp full of candles hanging from the ceiling.

The place had an air of neglect as if it were not habitually inhabited.

In front of a Cauldron stood a young Severus Snape, "Bloody hell why Lily, why, if only James Potter didn't exist, how good the magical world would be without such an arrogant, useless, worthless, despicable person with so many fawning idiots just because he was good at Quidditch."

But if there was one thing Severus Snape hated and despised James Potter for, it wasn't for his exaggerated fan base or his excellent Quidditch and social skills, no, he hated him for making his life hell at Hogwarts, along with his small entourage of friends who constantly attacked him with spells and all sorts of pranks the moment he got careless.

Severus Snape despised him for the fact that they never stood up to him fairly, it was always two or three who went against him, and worse was the fact that he knew that all this was partly to keep him away from Lily and the worst thing was that he ended up succeeding in the end, leaving him in an endless emptiness and hatred, he lost everything he ever cared about, he had nothing.

Now Severus Snape was alone in the darkness, surrounded by darkness, he saw almost no hope of finding a way, he was alone and aimless, he needed Lily.

Severus Snape had returned home from Hogwarts to spend the Christmas vacations alone, he was alone due to the recent loss of his parents last summer vacation and his separation from Lily.

Severus Snape received an invitation from the Malfoy to their annual winter ball and despite the fact that he did not like crowded gatherings, being personally invited to attend for the first time something so important as far as the inner circle of Pureblood wizards was concerned, was quite a compliment to him and he was obviously very excited to go to this ball despite disliking gatherings and balls in general.

But as much as Severus wanted to go, he sadly couldn't, because he knew that if he went, he would lose any chance of Lily forgiving him, and now that she had stopped talking to him for calling her a mudblood in a moment of anger, he knew that at this point he couldn't make any mistakes if he wanted to get her forgiveness.

So he sadly declined the invitation with some made-up excuses, this was because he couldn't mention the fact that it was for Lily, if he did that, he would lose all support from the Malfoy as well as any other house in the inner circle of purebloods.

Despite the fact that Snape wanted to accept the invitation that his dear friend Lucius Malfoy had surely gotten him as a token of his appreciation for his great achievements in potions and the dark arts, he could not accept at the moment.

Lily was very much against death eaters and blood purists, all because of those damned Gryffindors who filled her head with lies, and this ball was composed of a large majority of death eaters and blood purists.

Although he wanted to be part of the death eaters and follow a wizard as powerful as Lord Voldemort, he could not risk losing Lily, he would wait until he could convince Lily that it was best for her to join him in Voldemort's cause, it would not be easy, but if he gave him time he believed he could make her understand that Voldemort was the best option for the magical world and for society.

If Voldemort took power, Snape was convinced that everything he had to go through with his abusive muggle father would never happen again to any other wizard, no damn muggle could ever mistreat a wizard again, he was convinced that Lord Voldemort would make that never happen again and he wanted to be by her side at that time.

But for now he had to be patient, first he had to get Lily to forgive him and get them both to talk like before, something that so far he had not been able to achieve, she seemed really angry and disappointed with him, and he could swear by his magic that he had not meant to call her that.

It was just how all the things happened, he was in front of many people, embarrassed, with anger, sadness, all his emotions were killing him and he ended up talking without thinking when he saw something he did not like in his conversation with that James Potter.

But now none of that mattered, it only mattered that Lily had separated from him, she didn't want to forgive him and therefore didn't want to talk to him either, he wouldn't give up, he would seek her forgiveness one way or another.

When he returned to Hogwarts from his Christmas vacation to finish his fifth year, Severus Snape, despite having recently lost his friendship with Lily, had the hope that she would forgive him, but every day that passed she was colder with him, she didn't even look at him, it really hurt him to see that nothing he did seemed to work even a little, but he was firm and kept trying.

On Friday, June 16th of their fifth school year, it was the End of Term Party in the Great Hall, they had already announced the winning house of the House Cup and they had also given various awards to the most outstanding students or those who had shown something unique.

Among them were Severus Snape, Lily Evans and James Potter.

Severus Snape decided to make one last attempt at receiving Lily's forgiveness before returning home for the summer vacations, he needed to sort things out with her, so he headed to where he had seen Lily and her friends chatting happily about the end of term.

When he finally saw her he was predisposed to talk to her, but before he got to her he saw James Potter and his group approach her and her friends.

Snape grumbled and looked for a hidden corner to wait for them to leave, he eavesdropped on the conversation waiting for them to leave so he could talk to Lily and seek her forgiveness again.

A few minutes of very boring conversation passed, in which it seemed that James Potter's only goal was to convince Lily Evans to go on a date with him, much to Snape's annoyance, until he finally overheard something that he hoped for Merlin was a lie or a bad dream he was having.

Severus Snape was sure that Lily couldn't stand Potter, although he occasionally saw her get a little too involved with his flirting, but she always kept taking a lot of distance from him and dismissed him nonchalantly, after all, she always told him that she found him insufferable, obnoxious and a bully.

But today it seemed to be different.

"You're all invited to my house this summer vacation," Potter said briskly as he looked around the group and focused on Lily, analyzing the progress of his proposal on her. "Come on Evans, it'll be fun!"

"I'm not interested Potter, I'm still mad about your silly tasteless jokes," Lily said, flipping her dark red hair over her shoulder causing it to cascade down her back like a fancy curtain. "Besides, I have plans with Alice for this summer and since the rest of the girls couldn't get together we decided to go out the two of us together."

"Oh No, No Lily," Alice said quickly. "I had pending plans with Franck, you know" she blushed "so you could go Lily, I'd be fine with that."

Snape cursed Alice for that, she was only complicating things.

"So Evans then, one more time wouldn't hurt, it's not like you haven't already gone to Potter's," Sirius said sounding like he was teasing her.

Severus Snape already knew that they had hung out at Potter's the odd time or two with their group of friends, but this time apparently none of Lily's friends could go and this worried Snape.

"Right and you intend for me to go along with you guys to James'?" asked Lily rolling her eyes.

"Come on Evans, we'll have a good time" pressed James Potter.

"Ha, nice try Potter, but no" scoffed Lily.

Out of the corner of his eye, Snape saw James give Sirius a knowing look.

"Come on Evans, a simple meal and nothing more, that's all poor James is asking of you, plus we promise no pranks for two months if you agree"

"Oh come on Sirius, like that's possible" Lily scoffed at Sirius' cheek and rolled her eyes, but Snape couldn't help but catch his cheeks a little flushed at that comment.

The coy way she looked at James Potter made Snape's throat tighten, he had to remind himself that they were no longer friends and that Lily said she would never forgive him, but he still wanted to jump up and curse them all.

She had always told him that she thought James Potter was rude and arrogant, and she would never lie to him about something like that. Right?.

The group continued to talk, and he continued to eavesdrop, knowing that anything he wanted to have an opinion on would not be welcome, it was sad but he knew Lily wouldn't forgive him for a long time.

Even though Severus Snape was confident that Lily wouldn't date the Potter bully, every beat of her banter with him still tightened the knots in his stomach.

He knew that to an outsider, someone who didn't know Lily as well as he did, their interactions could be misinterpreted as light flirting.

But she had to know that she deserved better than Potter.

"Alright Potter, agreed to just one dinner, but that's four months without mischief," Lily said the words that broke Severus Snape that day.

He couldn't believe he was hearing that from his beloved Lily's mouth, his greatest fears today were confirmed.

"I do, yes and thousand times yes," James said victoriously, with a sidelong glance at Lily. "Then at my house one dinner."

"Deal, just one dinner Potter, nothing more and don't go trying to renege on your part," Lily said amused by James Potter's reaction.

That was the last blow Severus Snape could receive in his life because afterward, he felt that nothing was worth it, he was in darkness, his whole world fell and any hope was lost, there was nothing left, he was hurt like never before, he would never hate Lily, he couldn't hate her no matter how much he wanted to, but it hurt him, that was for sure.

Snape felt the world and life against him, the people he hated the most, who humiliated him the most, who stripped him of everything, he felt was important, were the same ones who were now not only friends of his beloved Lily, but the biggest perpetrator of his nightmares.

'James Potter!'

The one who stole everything from him, now Potter would have dinner with Lily at her house, his childhood friend, the most important person in his life and the one he swore to protect all his life, he would have a bloody date with the bastard James Potter.

So many women James Potter could choose, so many fans Potter had, why?

Why it had to be Lily he wanted to date?

Why was Lily acting so strange in front of someone he supposedly couldn't tolerate?

Severus Snape was bleeding inside, he felt everything inside him dying little by little. He quickly came out of the corner where he was hiding to listen to the group, he wanted to avoid hurting himself further by listening to the conversation they were having.

But the damage was already done, no matter how much he denied it, Severus Snape knew it was all real and it was because of that very thought that he lost himself.

Once Severus Snape returned home from Hogwarts on June 17th for the summer vacations, what he saw on his way home made him feel like the most unfortunate person in the world, that was the straw that broke Snape's back.

Seeing this made him completely disconsolate, thus losing all hope and it was then that the darkness consumed him completely.

Once the darkness consumed Severus Snape he convinced himself that power was everything, that power would give him everything he wanted, that it would bring him out of his regrets.

Using the little rationality he had left, Snape decided not to go home and rent a room at the Leaky Cauldron instead.