I will be 'gentle' like you want me to be

This person is also suffering.

"I am trying to change my future." I sigh and look down at my feet. I can't look at him. I can see the blame and hurt in his eyes. I will hide too many things from him in the future. "Seeing and hearing you like this, I know now that my future can't be changed. So, I guess I just wanted to be happy with you in my remaining days. Should I distance myself from you when I go back?"

And punish you for killing me by leaving you to suffer like this even after my death.

But, I am upset that you are like this.

Someone knocks the door. The room service is here. The table is set. Kang Si An sits opposite me.

"Don't go back," He speaks in a commanding voice.

"If I could, I would choose not to go back." I decide to be shameless and pick up the spoon. I have to eat. Besides, I have never eaten at an elite foreign hotel. "The food smells good. Being the future fiance of a top-ranked actor is good."

"If you go back, tell me everything." He glares at me. "I will do anything to save you."

"If you intend to help me, sleep with me," I smirk at him. If he sleeps, I can enter his dreams. If I am lucky, I can even find out the memories. I will know exactly what not to do.

"Don't tempt me," He tells me with a straight face. "I haven't touched a woman for a decade. I would take this offer gladly."

"Who would believe that you didn't sleep with anyone after I died?" I roll my eyes. "Kang Si An, you were infamous for dating numerous actresses and models before we met."

He suddenly leans forward and kisses me. Startled, I shift away from him. What's this? He starts unbuttoning his shirt. "After you were gone, there was no one else."

Crap! I didn't see this coming. "Kang Si An, I don't believe you at all. Because of you, I got drugged. That nation's princess from that cursed movie hated me because I was your fake girlfriend. You want to say that no one tried to sleep with you in the last ten years?"

He takes off his shirt and exposes his sculpted body. The last decade has been good to him and added more to his fine body. The temperature of the room is swiftly high. I drink a glass of water. I am not immune to a handsome man like him. I protest when he brings me to bed. "Kang Si An, we can't do it."

"I always regretted not taking you when you were drugged that day." He shows me a mischievous smile. "If I had, things between us would have progressed faster. It's not a problem now. Even if you don't like me yet, you are still attracted to me. I should finish what I decided not to do that day like a fool."

I push him away. "When I said sleep, I was asking you to just sleep with me. I don't want to do those... things. Don't be a beast. I don't like you yet."

"Just let me do those things." He kisses the back of my hand. "How long are you going to lie? Back then, I was an idiot to not understand. You were attracted to me from day one."

This overconfident narcissist. I take back all the good words that I said about him. He grins and kisses me on my neck. His hands wander on my waist. I squirm under his touches. "KANG SI AN!"

"Mmm?" He sounds amused and seductive at the same time.

"This is my first time." I blurt out. "Be gentle with me."

What I am saying! I should disappear at this moment. Oh, the time entity! Please send me away. I will die of embarrassment here.

"Your first time?" He ceases his lewd actions. "When we slept for the first time, you didn't seem inexperienced. You were even boasting about dating more people than I did."

Damn you, my future self! I hate you.

"Uh... maybe, I gained experience somewhere else."

His expression is getting darker.

"Ah!" He gives me a bright smile. "That Li Jun. Was it him?"

This whole conversation is just wrong. "Honestly, I don't know."

"You don't know." His smile doesn't meet his eyes. "At that time, you were technically my fake girlfriend. You kept mentioning that Li Jun. You kept saying how good Li Jun was to you. You never told me who he was."

10 years cannot get rid of leftover karma and jealousy.

"That... It might be him." I gulp when he comes closer. "Kang Si An, about Li Jun, he is your previous reincarnation. I met him when I time-traveled to the past."

He blinks at me with surprise. "My previous reincarnation? All this time, I was jealous of my previous reincarnation."

I am feeling guilty now. Maybe, I shouldn't have done what I did.

"Haha!" His laugh is scary. "You like wandering to Li Jun, huh? What did you do with him? I can't believe that my previous reincarnation is the other man in our relationship."

This unbelievable guy! He is still blaming me of cheating. "Hey Kang Si An, he isn't the other guy. You are. Li Jun and I are married."

Instant regret. His expression is darker. He gives me a plastic smile. The temperature in the room drops.

"Married?"

"Don't be mad." I shift back on the bed. "Actually, I was forced to marry him. You see, he asked the emperor for marriage between me and him. So... if I didn't marry him, I would be executed."

"You must have gained experiences from him and boasted to me how good he was in bed." He shifts closer again. "Tell me what you did with him."

"Nothing... " He raises his brow. I can't lie under that piercing gaze. "Okay, he and I kissed a few times. But, I came back to the present on the wedding night. So, nothing happened between me and him yet. Maybe, in the future, something might happen... you said that I was experienced... Shouldn't you be happy that I was experienced?"

The temperature further drops down. Did I say something wrong? Even the fake smile is gone from his face.

"I see. I can't let you go now. My previous reincarnation cannot have you before me." He pushes me down. "Don't worry. I will be 'gentle' like you want me to be."