Breaking Rules

"Open relationship!"

"..."

"..."

Lily announced her plan to her accomplices, though without context the statement sounded more like an invitation.

"Uh, Lil, I thought we talked about this, Robin-"

"Not that, Marshall! Josh and Barney have rules for their open relationship, remember! Josh said 'So long as they followed a couple of rules, they never have an issue with their relationship!' All we have to do is make sure Barney breaks their rules and Josh will definitely dump him!"

"Lily, you're a genius! Ok, so what are the rules? How do we get Barney to break em?" 

Marshall exclaimed as he hugged his wife, Ted was excited also, he couldn't wait to break them up. However, this was the first time he'd heard of an 'open relationship' agreement. Ted never questioned how Barney could go to strip clubs and sleep with other women, he was solely focused on the fact that they were hanging out, just like the old days. Was this why Barney could do all that stuff even though he was with Josh? Josh allowed something like that!? Ted didn't think he could do that for Barney... Was this a mistake?

"We only need to get Barney to sleep with a guy and stay over their place! Easy peasy, right?"

"How is that easy? We'd have to get Barney away from Josh and they've practically been glued to the hip ever since their engagement."

Lily gave it some more thought, she knew she was on to something. This could work if only they had one more piece of the puzzle! Just then, Ted spoke up:

"Leave it to me. I can get Barney to meet us at the bar alone. You two just figure out how to get him to sleep with a guy... I... I'll go message him now..."

As soon as he finished speaking, Ted stood up and quickly walked back into his room, locking it shut. Lily and Marshall just looked at each other, unsure if their friend was okay. While Lily wanted to go about getting everything set up, Marshall was more inclined to check on his friend so they separated for the time being, each doing what was best for their friends. On her way out, Lily sent a text message to Robin.

Lily A.: Hey, I need a favor!

After a few minutes, her phone buzzed.

Robin BFF: Sure, shoot.

Lily A.: Is there any way you can distract Josh for tonight? 

Robin BFF: Uh, ok, but why? You plan on breaking up the duo or something? Ha!

Lily A.: ...o-o

Robin BFF: OMG Lil wtf!!!!

Lily A.: plzplzplz just ask him for an interview or something! I'll owe you big time!

Robin BFF: ... Ok, fine but I don't condone what you're doing!

Lily A.: You're the best! Thxs!!!! Xoxo

After sending her last message, everything seemed like it was falling into place. Now all that was left was to get Barney to sleep with a guy. Simple...right?

***

Ted stood in a daze, his back leaned against the locked door. He was really going to break Barney and Josh up. He was going to ruin an engagement... If Lily was on board then maybe there was some merit to this crazy scheme and it wasn't just for his own selfish reasons. Ted flinched as he felt a knock on his door, jarring him from his train of thought.

"Ted? You alright? Listen, I know I haven't been there for you for a while but if you need someone to talk to, you know I'm always gonna be there for you, man."

Marshall sounded sincere, probably because he was. Ted knew his best friend wouldn't judge him, hell he even tried to help Ted, however he needed to say this for himself. 

"Marshall... I like Barney..."

"I know bud... that's um... it's yeah...wow."

"..."

"...It's great, Ted."

Ted quietly shook his head. Even he couldn't believe it, he really liked Barney and now he was going to be the cause of his breakup. He was going to be what ruins his "happily ever after". Could Ted really do this? Staring at his nightstand drawer, Ted silently steeled himself and spoke back to his friend in a convincing tone: 

"Thanks, Marshall. I'm fine, you should get back to Lily. She might need your help."

"... Alright, but you'll call if you need anything?"

"Sure bud."

Ted waited until he heard the front door close before walking over to his nightstand where his phone was charging, Ted picked it up and scrolled through his contacts until it landed near the T's. As he looked at their last conversation, it was dated months ago. 

'Has it really been so long since we last talked? That can't be right, can it?'

Then it hit him when he thought back to what Lily had said before.

"Fuck, Josh knew! That would explain why he's never really spoken with me… So Barney just does whatever Josh wants?"

Ted felt his anger begin to rise however, pushing away any unnecessary thoughts, Ted sent the message that had been drafted and ready to send for a few weeks, only now with some minor editing.

Teddy Westside: Hey! Been a while, wanna meet at the bar? Heard you're getting married, let's celebrate! Bachelor style!

Ted still felt it was awkward and didn't think it sounded much like himself but regardless he swallowed his embarrassment and watched as the icon went from sent to read.

The Barnacle<3: B there @ 8! Suit up!< strong>

Ted chuckled and rolled his eyes. It's crazy how much loving someone can change your whole worldview. Things that you once hated or found annoying in someone now seemed endearing and cute. Ted wanted so much to hear Barney say his catchphrases in person. Hell, he was even willing to "suit up" if it made Barney smile at him…oh shit…

'I've fallen in love with-'

Ted didn't dare to finish his thought, he couldn't possibly admit to that. He just got around to the idea of liking Barney but to say he loves… Ted threw his phone onto his bed and began getting ready for the day, starting with a nice long shower…

…

Ted, Marshall, and Lily were all seated at their usual booth after having kicked out some couple that were there before them. As the time was slowly reaching 8 pm, Ted began to panic and wonder if Barney would actually come. While he confidently boasted to his friends of his ability to get Barney to be there, he wasn't so sure himself, especially since Barney and he had become somewhat distant over the past few months. Ted began to shake his leg nervously and peel off the labels of his and his friend's beer bottles. Just as the clock struck 8, Barney rushed through the door of MacLaren's seemingly out of breath, and stumbles his way towards his friends.

"Hah! Hah! Hey guys…"

Lily immediately got up from her seat and went to check on Barney, rubbing his back while helping him take a seat next to Ted. 

"Jeez Barney, are you alright? What happened?"

"N-nothing! Hah, Just thought I was running late, hahah…"

Barney's skin seemed to glisten with sweat, his cologne smelled stronger than usual and his suit seemed a bit more wrinkled. Ted felt his insides squirm, and his heart began to race but he kept his composure as he raised his beer. 

"Congrats dude! Cheers!"

Before anything else could be said, Ted downed his drink. Ignoring this, Barney just gave a half-hearted smile at his other two friends. Neither knew what else to say and so they all gave their cheers and best wishes and took sips from their drinks. The plan was a go. As the night droned on, Ted and Marshall kept Barney drinking while Lily was on the lookout for any guys who might be interested in men. However, not everything went as smoothly as they would've liked. The first problem popped up when Barney began to catch on to what Ted and Marshall were not doing;

"Hey, why aren't you guys drinking?"

Ted and Marshall just looked at each other and had one of their rare telepathic talks.

'Dude, he knows! Abort mission!'

'Marshall, don't panic! He doesn't know anything! Just play it cool.'

"What are you guys talking about?"

Being put on the spot, the two began to panic but sensing Marshall was going to blow their cover, Ted quickly spoke first:

"You stopped hanging out with us!"

"..."

"..."

Okay, that wasn't the right thing to say at this moment but it was bugging him for the longest time. However, Marshall managed to save it by adding to the statement:

"Th-that's right! So…As punishment, you have to drink until we say so! Them's the rules!"

"Heh, alright but just so you know, I am an awesome drinking machine! In fact, I bet I can out-drink your little punishment game!"

Ted was surprised with how quick Marshall was with that declaration. Though he felt a bit worried this could backfire on them, as he knows how much Barney can get carried away trying to prove himself or his point. While he still has time, Ted decides to try and stop Barney from…well being himself.

"Barney, I don't think you should-"

"Challenge Accepted, Ted! Marshall, another round!"

"Oh boy…"

Even though this would help their plan, Ted made sure to keep an eye on how much Barney was drinking. Meanwhile, Lily was having a difficult time sifting through the men in the bar to find one who was notably gay and willing to sleep with her friend. 

…

After more than 2 hours, Ted continued to watch Barney, his hand resting on his cheek. He took this time to engrave every detail about Barney into his mind. The way his lips pressed and curled around the tip of his bottle, the way his cheeks began to flush darker and darker shades of pink the more he drank, the way he'd lick away any remnants of the alcohol off his lips; truly an erotic sight to behold. 

Marshall kept ordering drink after drink and Barney just laughed and drank each and every one of them. He began filling them in on what he'd been up to the past few months he hadn't seen them and started telling stories of his sexual conquests, the more he drank the more he began to talk about Josh and what they'd been up to. Ted tried his hardest to tune those stories out. He didn't want to hear about how they'd gone looking for the perfect venue location or how their wedding cake tasting went or the invitation letters Josh was sending out. While Ted was tuning him out, Marshall gave slightly awkward laughs and told his own disaster stories from when he and Lily got married even though Barney was there for most of them. As Ted got irritated seeing Barney smile at just mentioning Josh, he started looking around for Lily and saw her walking towards them with a guy behind her. He guessed that was the one Barney would be sleeping with, his hand unconsciously curled into a fist and his teeth started grinding down as he clenched his jaw tightly. He looked over to Marshall who was in the middle of talking to Barney and gave him the signal.

"Ahem!"

Marshall looked at Ted then turned behind him and saw Lily. It looked like everything was in place and their scheme was going to work, Barney was pretty drunk, a few more drinks while he spoke with this random stranger and they were sure Barney would go home with him. It was perfect… That was until Barney looked up at the TV. That was the start of the second problem. He then stood up on his seat and began to wave at it and yell.

"Hey! Hic Hey C-Carl!! Turn up the-the boxy hic thingy!"

As Carl turned up the volume on the bar's TV, Ted, Marshall, and Lily all looked up, and almost in slow motion, saw and heard their scheme begin to fall apart. 

"Hic! Look! Look! Hey! Hic Everyone! It's my fiance! Tha's the man I'm gonna marry hic width Robin! Robin? Hic! Wha's sheesh doin' there? Ugh, I don't so good…" 

Barney collapsed back down, almost falling off his seat, Ted caught him in time and let him lean on his shoulder while he smiled at the TV. Lily looked back at the man she had finally managed to convince to sleep with him, only to find the guy not standing behind her anymore. Defeated, she continues her way back to her friends at the booth. 

"Great! It took me hours to finally find a guy interested in sleeping with a drunk blonde and he manages to scare him away! What are we gonna do now?! It'll be closing time before we can find another guy to sleep with Barney."

"Barney's drunk a lot, any more and he might just black out. We need a new plan, Lil. Why don't we go upstairs first and reconsider this."

Lily was frustrated with the way the night was going. While she wanted to continue with her plan, it was clear it wouldn't go exactly as she wanted. Then an idea came to mind!

"Okay! Let's move Barney upstairs, not it!"

"Not it!"

"Wait, what?!"

Ted was too distracted by Barney being so close to him that he was hardly paying any attention to what Lily and Marshall were talking about. He watched as they began to get up and leave so he figured they were going to take Barney somewhere else. Guessing it was his job to help Barney, he lugged him up from the booth and did his best to think about anything else other than Barney's body weight pressed against him. He struggled to place his hands around Barney's waist, his face was almost as flushed as Barney's, and his pants began to feel that all too familiar tightness near his crotch. Barney's constant giggling and swaying didn't help, actually, it made things worse for Ted as this made him need to hang on to Barney even tighter. Keeping his eyes on Marshall and Lily, Ted absentmindedly followed their lead up the stairs to his apartment. It wasn't until they were asking for his keys that he came to his senses and realized where they were taking him. Was this part of the plan? Trusting his friends, Ted reached into his pocket and handed over his keys. Once inside, Ted placed Barney on the sofa as carefully as he could while Lily rushed to the kitchen, Marshall started second-guessing this whole operation.

"Ted, maybe we shouldn't do this. Maybe this is like the universe saying we should just drop this and let Barney marry Josh. I know you must hate him but he makes Barney really happy-"

"Ted! Where's the peppermint schnapps I told you to get?"

Marshall gave Ted a look of 'Don't say anything!' and giving it some serious 10-second thought, Ted yelled back:

"Freezer, next to the hot pockets!"

"Damn it, Ted! Just listen to me for a second!"

Lily came back in with a large cup and went to sit next to Barney, carefully handing it to him so as to not spill a single drop. As she helps him to drink it, Marshall and Ted continue with their argument.

"Marshall, I am listening and what I'm hearing is you backing out on what we all agreed would be best for Barney! You're his friend too, shouldn't you be on our side?"

"This isn't about sides, Ted! This is about ruining an engaged couple's future together! As an ex-engaged man myself, I don't think I should let you do this! Plus I'm fairly certain this is a form of prostitution!"

"...That's actually not a bad idea! I think I can make some calls and get a male stripper here!"

Ted began to reach for his phone but he was stopped by Marshall as he smacked it out of his hand.

"No, Ted! Listen to yourself for one moment! You were actually gonna call a stripper for Barney? That's something Barney would do for you! Look, the plans a bust anyway, we have no guy for Barney to sleep with and he's too drunk to travel around with. I say we cut our losses and just have him stay here until Josh can pick him up! I'm sorry Ted but-"

"Hey there, darling~"

As Marshall was about to take Lily and leave, Barney took him by surprise as he stood up and, because of the height difference, pulled him down into a hug. Lily watched from the sofa with a knowing smile and fumbled to set the now-empty cup down while taking out her camera. Ted watched in horror as Barney pulled away slightly only to caress Marshall's face and, once again in slow motion, begin to kiss him deeply.

Ted couldn't see anything else, not the flash from Lily's camera nor Marshall's flaring arms as he attempted to pull away, nor the camera that then went flying into his face. He wished he'd seen that coming. As Ted held his nose where the camera hit him, Marshall rushed to the bathroom, making some gagging sounds along the way.

"Damn it, Marshall! If my camera's broken because of you, you're buying me a new one! Shit, it's not turning on now! Looks like I'll have to use my phone. Ted, stand near Barney."

Lily pushed Ted near where Barney was trying to stand still. He soon realized what had happened but by then it was too late. He stared at Barney, half expectantly and half terrified. Why would Barney kiss Marshall? Is he going to be next? Was he really going to do this? Ted swallowed hard, his body remained rigid as he stood and waited. 

"How you doin'~"

Barney took Ted by the shoulders and slowly leans in, Ted takes in every second as Barney closes the gap and he felt his lips pressed against his own. It was short, just a small peck, clearly different from the deep and passionate kiss Marshall got. Frustrated and not really thinking about the eyes on him, Ted grabs hold of Barney's lapels and pulls him into a deeper and more sloppy kiss. He tasted sweet and fresh just like a peppermint candy, Ted could get addicted to his taste. He wanted to savor every corner of Barney's mouth, and using his tongue, he made sure to leave no part untouched. As their drool began to become too much, Ted pulled away and opened his eyes. 

He hadn't realized they were closed, otherwise he would have seen the look on Lily's face, which mirrored his own. An 'Oh shit' moment was shared between them as now it seemed like he was caught revealing his feelings, his real feelings. Whether it was because Lily was a girl or because she had been around Ted for so long, whatever it was, her eyes widened with the realization of what she just witnessed and the new knowledge she just gained.

'Oh my god… Ted's in love…'

"Ted-"

"Iry! Hopatal! Unge! Bahd-ow!(Lily! Hospital! Tongue! Blood-ow!)"

Before Lily could ask Ted and confirm her suspicion, Marshall came rushing into the living room with blood running down from his mouth and rolling down his chin into a little pool that he cupped in his hands under the drippings. 

"Oh my god, Marshall! What? How? Oh, never mind! Ted, we're going to the hospital, look after Barney until we get back, kay?"

"Uh, yeah sure!"

Ted watched as Lily grabbed Marshall's hand and led in out the door. It was during times like this that he was grateful to have a friend like Marshall around to keep the awkwardness away. As he turned to face Barney again, he staggered back onto the couch as Barney pushed and sat on top of him, looking down at him like he was a delicious treat… Making out with someone else's fiance and said fiance being your bro; Ted knew he would be breaking some kind of bro code if he continued this, but honestly, he couldn't be bothered to care.

***

Robin put down her phone after just receiving Lily's last message to her. While she didn't approve of what Lily was doing, she figured it wasn't really any of her business. She believed Josh and Barney's relationship was strong enough to survive whatever crazy plan she had cooked up. Don, noticing her absent-mindedness, leaned over close to her.

"Robin, you alright? Is it serious?"

Robin flushed a bit when she finally took notice of how close Don was to her. He smelled like mint with a hint of coffee. It felt warm and inviting. Taking in a deep, shaky breath, Robin regained her composure and answered back.

"Oh, it's nothing- ah, actually... I want to interview someone about the serial druggings."

"A suspect?"

"Not exactly..."

Don was taken by surprise. Not a suspect and most likely not a witness as they were already told by the police not to speak with them. Something didn't seem right...

"Robin, you're not going to risk your career by breaking rules and protocol, are you?"

"No, it's not like that...it's just my friend wants me to speak with this guy, he's gay so I thought we could get the...point of view of a bystander from inside the community and hear his thoughts on what's been going on. Just to get more attention on this story you know..."

Robin hoped her bluff worked. She didn't like having to lie to Don, but technically this wasn't a lie. Although she made up this excuse on the spot, even to her, it sounded like a good idea!

"...Robin, I can't believe you..."

"...Don-"

"-Are a genius! That's a brilliant idea! Call up your friend, I'll talk to Dough and get the set ready for them! If we work fast we can have them here by tonight, will that be ok?"

Robin smiled, his enthusiasm was contagious and now even she was looking forward to it. Now it was just a matter of getting Josh to agree to the interview, which shouldn't be a problem, after all, he owed her after losing a hockey bet. Robin chuckled as she remembered how confident he was until his team lost. Picking up her phone once more, she went to her most recent messages. Unlike the others, Robin had been in constant contact with Barney and Josh and knew all about their plans and was even going to be a groom's maid of honor for Barney. She was really surprised when Barney told her about his engagement and was happy for the couple however, she couldn't get rid of this nagging feeling like something was kind of…off? Or something just didn't sit quite right, but shoving her own feelings to the side she continued to give her support to them.

Robin: Josh, I want to interview you on your thoughts about the serial druggings at the gay nightclubs. Think you can come in tonight? Remember you owe me from that bet lol

Robin waited with bated breath, she hoped he wouldn't take their silly little bet seriously, she did, after all, include an "lol" but as the seconds ticked away, she was having some doubts. As she began to type an apology in her notes, her phone buzzed notifying her she got a reply.

Josh K: Oh wow, a bit last minute but sure, what time should I come down to the station?

Robin: Great! Yeah, sorry bout that. Is 7:30 pm okay with you? It'll be a late airing so you'll have plenty of time to prepare, promise!

Josh K: OK.

Robin smiled cheerfully at her phone, Don didn't want to disturb her moment, but he did need confirmation as soon as possible. Tapping her shoulder gently, he snapped Robin out of her thoughts causing her to feel slightly embarrassed by her unprofessional behavior.

"So, I take it he agreed?"

"Oh uh, yeah he agreed he could come to the station around 7:30."

"Okay, great! I'll go talk to Dough about it now and we can have the script written up in no time!"

Robin gave him a knowing smile, she was so grateful to have such a reliable partner by her side. Her heart skipped a beat when she watched him walk away, her eyes wandered up and down his body, taking note of his broad shoulders and squeezable ass. Was she really willing to break her rule of dating a fellow employee? Well, she was certainly giving it some serious thought.

***

Josh and Barney were having a relaxing Saturday inside. At least that's how the day started. At one point Josh got mad at Barney over something small and Barney, being too damn prideful, refused to admit his "mistake" and started arguing back. Maybe it had something to do with the wedding plans. Barney still couldn't believe he agreed to it. He couldn't believe he'd begun to agree to a bunch of stuff he usually wouldn't have even thought about. This wasn't working out… They weren't working out! This whole plan wasn't working out! Just as Barney was about to voice his thoughts, Josh pushes Barney down onto the couch. 

"You were thinking of breaking this off, weren't you?"

Barney's body stiffened. It was creepily weird how Josh always seemed to know what he was thinking. Any time Barney felt ready to break things off, Josh manages to bring him back. It was during those times, Barney hated how buff Josh was compared to himself. As Josh snakes a hand around Barney's seemingly thin neck, he flinches in response, a mistake he tries not to make often as it makes Josh very angry.

"Hahah, you think I'm going to hurt you honey~? No, no, I would never!... But I'm going to make you wish I would! Starting with this ridiculous suit I allowed you the wear!"

Barney shuts his eyes and his body begins to shake uncontrollably. He wanted to lift his hands for self-defense, he wanted to push Josh away, he wanted so many things to happen. As if the universe heard his silent pleas, Josh heard his phone ping, letting him know he had been sent a message. After a moment of silence, Josh gives a disgruntled growl and gets off Barney. Taking in a deep breath of relief, Barney attempts to sit up only to find all his strength seemingly left his body, the only thing he could do was weakly rub his misty eyes. 

"Huh, looks like your little friend wants to interview me tonight at 7. Should I go? I wonder~"

Barney couldn't bear to look at his direction, he felt humiliated and pissed off. Seeing his little pet behaving spoiled, Josh got equally pissed and couldn't stand to look at him either.

"Fine! Spend the night alone! I'm going to this and when I get back we are going to have a very long talk about your behavior!"

Josh got up in a huff and went into their bedroom. He feared what he would do to Barney in order to get him to be obedient again and didn't want to start something and then leave for the interview. Once the door was closed, Barney felt his phone buzzing inside his jacket pocket. Realizing Josh wasn't around to check who it was sent by, Barney sneakily opens his messages and sees it's from Ted! He hadn't messaged Ted in so long! Any time he tried, Josh always took his phone away and wouldn't give it back until he got on his knees and… Well, that wasn't important, what was important was the lack of Josh in the room! Quickly Barney messaged back and then deleted the conversion. As he heard the door begin to creak open, Barney haphazardly shoved his phone towards his pants pocket only to miss and accidentally shove it into his couch. By the time Barney noticed, it was too late, as Josh was already out of their bedroom and was making his way towards him once more.

"So I got some time to kill until 7, so how about you make it up to me? I want to be in a good mood when I see your friend~."

Barney swallowed the hard lump in his throat, he didn't want to admit it, but fear was beginning to rise up as he shut his eyes. If he tried really hard, he could be somewhere else, he could forget how painful it felt, and now that he had something to look forward to, he could deal with it. It wouldn't take long, Barney just hoped Robin wouldn't make him as angry tonight as he was when they first hung out together and he lost their bet… God he wished Josh would just be in a good mood all the time.

...

It was just about 11 pm, Josh and Robin had just finished up the interview. It was a tight schedule but luckily they managed to pull through and complete it with no major crisis happening. 

"Josh, thank you for coming and doing the interview!"

"Yeah, of course! It was really fun and I gotta say it feels almost like an honor for you to want my- oh hang on, sorry."

Before Josh could finish, his phone buzzed. He guessed it was Barney asking when he'd be coming home. Robin stood by but when Mike needed her to look at some papers, that was when she heard a loud smash. Looking up, she saw Josh looking incredibly angry… No, it was more accurate to say, practically enraged. He then began cursing and stomping his foot on the ground. Hearing the commotion, Don walked over, looking very concerned at Robin who was standing a bit more closely than she felt comfortable with being. As she started inching her way closer to Don, Josh stopped and looked up from his broken phone. Seeing that everyone is just staring at him, he takes a deep breath and gives a bright smile while dusting off his pants. 

"Ahem, sorry bout that folks, just some bad news. I have to go now."

By the time Don strode over to Robin's side, Josh had made his mad dash out the studio doors. Gently, he places a hand on her shoulder, reassuring her of his presence.

"Robin, what was that all about?"

"I-I don't know, I mean everything was fine until just a moment ago! I have never seen him act like that ever!"

'Is he always like that when he's angry?... Does Barney know?'

Don placed his arm around Robin who was still pretty shaken up. Deep down, she wasn't that affected by it, however, she wanted to appear like a damsel if only for a moment. She was glad the interview had ended when it did, just when she was getting comfortable being in Don's embrace, her phone buzzed with a text message. Reluctantly she excuses herself and goes to check who sent her what.

Lil A: In hospital. Marshall bit his tongue. Ha! *image*

What Robin saw wasn't a passed-out Marshall with a tongue cast but actually a photo of Barney and Ted seemingly enjoying a very messy kiss. Oh shit… well, that explains that…