LXXXI ||| The Unsaid Words Sipping on the Tip of My Tongue

"I already am," I mumbled, laying on his chest, we both naked.

He caressed my back, "What?"

"Addicted," I whispered.

Grinning, he sat down and brought me up, making my straddle him, ruby eyes on mine, "Oh yeah?" He gave me that smile.

"It's your fault for doing this so well," I said with a stoic glared.

"You do it well too, babe," coming even closer, he kissed my jaw, then my neck. "So addicting, so perfect, so… mine."

Closing my eyes, I let my head fall back and his space, the touch of his lips sending trails of fire from my neck and down my entire body.

"I am yours, Oli, that's the big problem," the words rolled out of my lips. Too strong, too real, too damning.

"I don't see a problem," he grinned. "I see a goal reached," his fangs caressed his favorite spot on my neck. "I am yours like you are mine, Hel."

He makes this hard. "I hate you know that?"

Oliver held me by the nape of my neck and made me look in his eyes, his pupils taken over everything, no ruby, no turquoise. And the look on them, the dangerousness, the intensity, the craving, made me almost gasp and go weak, "I get it, you don't have the guts to say it yet, so I'll go with you, my beautiful mate," he smiled mischievously. "I hate you more. I hate so bloody much that it hurts," he whispered. "And every second that passes I find myself hating you more, deeply tangled and overwhelmed by my own hatred for you," he nuzzled his nose on mine. "Now, change the word hatred for the one you can't say it, and you will get what I mean, and what I'm feeling for you, beautiful."

That took my breath away, and I felt everything freeze.

"I have no reservations in this, Hel. I would have said it before, and I would have said the words, if I didn't know hearing them might freak you out, even if you already knows how I feel. I understand your fears, beautiful, but I don't like how you let it take over you. I hate, and this time I mean the actual word and not it's antonym, I hate that you want to break our mating bond, even if I know you believe it's the way to protect me, which I don't agree at all, and it hurts because just the idea of breaking this, tears me apart and it breaks my heart."

"You need to know this, Hel. And I'll be honest with you, my love, even if there was no mating bond, I would have fallen for you as hard as I did. Even if we weren't mates, I would feel what I feel just as intensely. I do not want you to think that what I feel, what you are feeling and can't say it, is because of the bond, because it's not," he caressed my hair. "The bond is an affirmation that we are meant to be, that it will work, that we'll find each other no matter what, and that even if we tried to fight it, we would still be finding ourselves like this."

I gulped, "Oliver…"

He covered my mouth with his hand softly, "There is no breaking a bond like ours, beautiful. I've been trying to tell you this, but you are the most infuriatingly stubborn girl in this entire world. It genuinely hurts when you say you want to break it, no matter the reason. I won't be able to even breath if there was a slight possibility of this happening, and I would rather die than go through it. I want you to know that I'm waiting for you to get your shite together and realize you have no way out of me. We are the end of the road, we are endgame, we are meant to be, we were made for one another, we are mates."

"Mating bond is an unbreakable thread that binds those who have been together in other lives. Those who lost their way to each other when they were born again, and need to get back home. You are my home, and I know I am yours. Since Mia took me to the Oracle almost 8 years ago, I've been praying to meet my mate every second of my life. It gave me hope, it made me want to dream, want to get strong to be able to either protect you if you needed, or to stand tall on your side if you were as strong as me. Which is the case in here."

"I was holding this for days, but I didn't say because I was scared of scaring you, of you not being ready to hear me heart speak to you, of you running away and ignoring me. I would not be able to handle it. But I can't hold myself, Hel. I can't walk on eggs with you. With anyone but you, as you are the only one I can give all I am to. You are my person, my female, my lover, my girlfriend for now, the only one I've ever wanted, the one who is meant to be mine, my promised, my soulmate. This is a thing, Hel, and it is real, and strong, and overwhelming, and devastatingly amazing."

"You are my true north and I'm yours, and we will find our way to one another no matter what. I've been waiting for you, Hel. This wasn't as out of nowhere as you may think. I've been waiting for you for eight years in a concrete hope, but I've waited so much longer than that. I knew in my bones that my mate was out there, even when I was in stasis, because I've been told stories of the mating bond, and I just knew it would come for me."

"The part of me that allowed me to dream, even when I was too far gone in my own misery, anger, despair, and guilt, dreamed that I could be saved if I met my mate, that whoever the person was, would be there with me. Someone who's immune to me, who wouldn't just accept my shite and who would fight me when needed. The difference from all of those centuries and eight years, was that I feared the Goddesses wouldn't deem me worthy of any of that, that the crimes my parents forced me to commit, had tainted way more than just my past with blood, but also the possibility of a better life in the future," he gulped and closed his eyes.

"I went through a shock when Angela Hayanthan, the Oracle whom Mia took me to, told me I was going to be mated in less than 10 years from then, to a female so powerful that she would rival me in power like no other, that she was not a vampire and thus I would have to work harder to please her, and that… that she would be with me, even with my past, that her midnight blue eyes would see beyond my crimes, and scars, and my shite. Angela told me that I shouldn't fear scrutiny from my mate, because she wouldn't be the type to do that."

…What?

"And she told me you would look like everything I've ever wanted and so much more," when his opened again, there was so much emotions in the turquoise pools that it made me want to cry. "Angela said my mate is the one who will save me, and I was going to save her too. That our love would be strong and unparalleled, and we would grow incredibly stronger after we consummated our bond. She also said I would be mated to someone who matches me in every way, and who would be down to do anything with me, with no reservations."

"She said it would be a bond like no one ever saw before. And that I would know how to recognize it the second I touched her and the emerald incandescent thread appeared before my eyes. Then she added by saying some weird shite that I didn't understand back then, like: black turns silver, the most scent full of the roses being the one with the most thorns, a beauty so kind hidden behind a poison so deadly," he took his hand of my mouth and caressed my hair, bringing me in for a kiss. "I thought she was full of bullshite when she added those enigmas, and I even thought she could be a con artist. But now, with you, it all makes sense."

"Black turns silver. Your hair and your winged serpent inheritance. Rose being a reference to Rosa in Rosalind, you being so beautiful and all perfect but covering yourself with your thorns and not letting people get so near as to feel your scent. Deadly poison? Winged serpent? You pretend to be all scary and throwing death threats and baring your beautiful fangs at people, while being all soft and kind and having a weak spot for those who are weak, and broken, and full of scars like you."

He chuckled, "I guess I owe Angela an apology, especially since each year that passed and I didn't find you, and I didn't see those midnight blue eyes, or the damned emerald incandescent thread, I cursed at her like a bitch," Oliver pressed his lips, blushing. "Like a little child throwing a fit because he didn't get what he wanted. Poor Oracle, must have hot ears for ages because of how I badmouthed her. I mean, it's not my fault that she left it ambiguous on the less-than-ten-years shite. That counted every year that followed suit, and it got me mad."

"Then, eight years after that, came an extremely powerful female who didn't take shite from me, defied me the second we met, fought with me in front of everyone else with no care in the world, was the first person who was able to withstand a fight from me, with silver hair, midnight blue eyes, and who, surprisingly, avoided my touch like a plague the second I went to her," oh shite.

My eyes widened, "You tried to touch me to know if it was me!"

A nod, "I did, and you opened up your bat wings, that are pretty damn beautiful, bared your fangs at me, and flew away from my reach. So, I tried again in the cafeteria at night, and well," he pointed from him to me, "It was you indeed. I was so bloody fucking happy when I was thrown away to the other side of that place and hit my back on the way, it overwhelmed me. You were terrified, and I confess, I did not expect that at all in all of my dreams about you and how this would turn out. I always thought my mate would be glad like me."

I felt my cheeks heating, "I was scared, alright?! I still am, but now all you make me feel are kind of temporarily numbing that."

"Oh, I know that now. But in that moment, when you screamed at me, destroyed the windows and glasses, and ran away so bloody terrified, I thought, again that the bloody oracle was wrong and that there would be a whole lot of scrutiny from you, and scared the shite out of me. I've spent these past years learning everything I could about wooing someone, who isn't a vampire, which meant normal food and daylight and possibly also sleeping. Taking out the sleeping factor, which is kind of amazing, since it means we'll be able to use all our night to do whatever we want."