Chapter 3

Here I am, supposedly happy, content with dating the most popular guy in school, Yet I find myself wanting something more. You know that feeling when you just know that someone isn't right for you, well this is just the feeling that I get when I'm with him, everything he does makes me wary and I'm finding it so difficult to trust anything that he says,but again against my better judgement I decided to give him more time to show me who he really was. I had known him from childhood, although we never spoke. When I had just started my adolescent phase I used to see him riding his bike passed my house everyday at the same time, and everyday he would look up into my yard, I would be sitting outside playing with my dog and he'd just smile at me, at first I thought it was creepy, then slowly it became sweet. So I'm taking all of this information into consideration another chance to get to know him was owed.

He used to drop me off home in his fancy car and I think I started to actually like him more, I think that it was just the fact that he was doing something for me that was totally new, this was my first experience with a boy dropping me off home and I felt cool, I felt like a cool kid, this made me feel invincible and it was thrilling.

Days turned into weeks and soon weeks turned into months, durning these 3 months we shared our first kiss, which was supposed to be all great and magical, here I am waiting for this kiss to turn my world around, for this kiss to make me fall head over heels in love with him but I felt nothing, nothing but a slimy tongue in my mouth that made me want to bring out my lunch and yesterday's dinner. He was not only a ball of slime but a grippy slim ball, he always liked to hold me and touch me and very soon he became a-bit too handsy. There was one occasion where he drove me home and just as I was about to jump off his car he stopped me, and he wanted to just sit there and make out, so being the all obliging girl friend I sat there and kissed him, for what felt like the longest 5 seconds of my life, while he had his slimy yucky tongue in my mouth he decided it was okay to just slide his hand onto my shoulder, that was fine for me, I mean off course he was allowed to touch my shoulder the guy has his tongue in my mouth he can go ahead and hold my shoulder if he wants to, now the problem started when he slowly slides his hand down my shoulder and I can feel him moving towards my chest and when I say chest I mean breast, that's when I panicked, nobody has ever touched me there, I was barely even okay with mouth to mouth and now he moves to touch my breast, at that moment I just knew that I didn't want him to touch me there, I felt uncomfortable with the whole situation, I felt like I had no control, I felt the bile in my throat suddenly begin to rise up, I literally felt sick to my stomach, that's when I brought myself back to reality and told him to stop. I explained that things where moving too fast between us and I wasn't ready for that type of physical contact, at first he took it really well, he told me that he understands and that we can take it as slow as I want, I was happy that he understood me.

Within the next week he just stayed away from school, he had been absent for a week without even sending me a text message to tell me if he was doing okay, not even a phone call to ask how are my days going, it was just odd. Nevertheless, I just waited for what seemed like forever for him to get back to school, when I approached him about his where a-bouts all he had to say was that he wasn't feeling to well and when I asked him why hasn't he sent me any messages to let me know what was going on with him he simply said that he didn't have any airtime or data to respond to any of my calls or texts. Like the gullible, naive little girl I thought I wasn't but actually was I simply accepted his explanation and life just went on.

During the next day at school I find out the most horrific news, and from our principle, he announced during a public assembly that there were students from our school who had skipped for a week and were found with students from a neighboring school on our local grounds, this sports grounds were for once purpose and one purpose only, it was mainly for bunking schoolars to bunk school, to drink, smoke and mostly to have sex, I never actually went to that grounds but I've heard multiple rumours about it. The principle only confirmed my wildest thoughts, they were caught having sex in the car, drinking alcohol and taking drugs. When the principle mentioned the model of the car, a purple BMW, it all just instantly clicked in my head, this asshole was cheating on me, if he's not getting it from home he had to go get it somewhere else, I'm sure that was the sentence that was playing in his head on a loop. I was just hurt, I didn't even like him that much though I felt like someone just through a bottle of cold water on my face just to spite me. If he didn't have feelings for me why didn't he just have the moxy to tell me that he wanted someone else, he wanted someone to give him what I couldn't give him. In my head I planned out the entire conversation out, what I was going to say to him, his responses to what I was going to say and how I was just going to end this so called relationship, I knew that this was the tipping point for me, I could ignore the lack of communication between us and I could ignore the slimy kissing but this was just the limit. I drew the line, and I went up to him. This was the confusing part, he gave me the most craziest explanation as to what he was doing in a park with a car full of girls, alcohol and drugs. His explanation was that he did it as a favor, a favor to his cousin, she was one of the girls, he said he dropped her off at the grounds with all of her friends and he left as soon as he dropped her, he explained that he had nothing to do with the alcohol and he didn't even know that his cousin took drugs, he said that her boyfriend who's out of school had the same car as his and he might have came to pick her up and that would explain the sex. In my head I didn't know what to believe, do I believe him or do I not, how could this even make sense, how could he even come up with a lie that was so convincing, he wasn't the smartest tool in the shed and even though he was a grade higher than me I still did most of his assignments, so how could someone who sucked at anything academic come up with such a good lie, maybe he wasn't lying, maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe I should just take some time to think about it, maybe I should just stop prolonging the inevitable I mean I already had the conversation in my head and I wanted this to lead to a break up, I wanted out of this loveless relationship but I didn't know how to leave and this was my ticket out, so why wasn't I taking this as a sign and leaving him, this was one of the questions I couldn't answer at the time, so I decided to do what I thought was best and I consulted my best friend, Liam , now I know I haven't mentioned his name, but I think now is the right time to say that Liam was my closest friend, my best friend actually, and after speaking to him about my whole relationship drama he told me to dump the guy and move on because he knows that this guy Kent AKA scumbag 1 is just that, a slimy scumbag. I valued my best friends advice but I just felt like he wanted me to pay more attention to school than to relationships and that's why he was being so one sided in this situation. I felt like he didn't understand where I was coming from, he knew nothing about this situation because he has never been in this type of relationship before, then again I didn't even know if he had ever been in a relationship before, we always ever spoke about my relationships and he never mentioned anything about dating anyone, he never even mentioned having a crush on anyone, and this school was packed with girls that he could have crushes on, but yet he only had lots of friends who were girls, I guess it was because he was always so invested in school and his school work that he never really had time for a long term relationship, and somehow I really admired him for being that way, for being so unapologetically immune to adolescent peer pressure and just being himself. Anyways, in my head I now played devils advocate and I somehow decided to just forget about everything that happened, to just move on and if Kent still wanted to be with me then be with me he shall, because I was in no mood to tell myself otherwise. He was surprisingly happy when I told him that I still wanted to be in this relationship, and that I'd try my hardest to start afresh, I would even reconsider going to second base with him, like if he needed to touch my boob I was going to let him touch my boob, I mean it's just a boob that's covered with a jacket, and another layer of t-shirt as well as a bra, so technically he'd be touching my jacket, if that even makes sense, in my mind it did so I just went with it. I was ready to try and let him in because I feel like by telling him that we were going to fast pushed him away, and by telling him to stop I also shut myself and my feelings off, I was ready to open up to him and I wanted him to let me, I wanted to see where this could go if I let him in. I wanted to open my heart, I really did, this was the hardest for me because again I'm not the most emotional person, it's extremely hard for me to show my feelings, so this took a lot from me, but I decided it could be worth it, he was actually the first real relationship that I had and I didn't want my first relationship to be a bad memory, I wanted it to be something sweet and if it had to end I wanted it to end sweetly so I could move on and know that relationships aren't all that bad, it's ridiculous of me to think this was, I mean this was not a fantasy or a fairytale that I was living in this was the real world, but I guess I had high hopes for my love life and I wanted it to be epic but I couldn't have been more wrong, because what he did next was just so confusing and it hurt me.