CHAPTER X Conclusion

'So? How did it go? '

'They fell for it. Do you have a plan for the rest of the hunters?'

'I'll think of something. By the way, I've got my head here with a crossbow bolt sticking out of it? You need it?'

'Yeah, sure. Wait, WHAT! Are you surrounded already?!'

'Yeup Ж:-( is a hairy smile by the way.'

'Don't go anywhere! I'll fetch your stuff and me, and the guys will break through to you!'

'My cape and spear should be in the tavern, and my clothes are at the blacksmith's. But be careful with him - he's not in the best of moods.'

'I fucking heard, you dumbass! Keep in touch.'

I began to linger on the words "Don't go anywhere," was this genuine advice or a weak joke. Halfway through this sentence, I catch another bolt to the head.

'Hey, gentlemen! How about a quick break? I'm kinda tired of this shit, and you must be low on ammo by now.'

'You got that right! But don't get your hopes up. This point is locked down by fighters from our guild. You've got ten minutes, then we continue.'

The voice died somewhere in the bushes, and as hard as I tried, I couldn't pinpoint its origin. Stealth-fucking-infantry!

'Guys! You mind tossing me a knife?'

'What the hell for?'

'What do you mean what for? To kill every last one in your raid party. Why do you think I keep catching bolt's - because I've got no knife. As soon as I get one I'll cut down each and every one of you!'

Laughter rang out in the woods.

'Here you go!'

A simple steel blade whizzes right next to my face. Bastards are making fun of me. Well, guess who'll be laughing now. I hope fantasy books haven't aren't full of shit.

I pick up the knife, scratch Invocamus (Summon) and the hilt with my claws and jam blade right into my temple. Respawn. I pull the weapon from my corpse and jam it in again. Respawn.

'Wow, man, WTF!? You greedy for frags or something?'

'Fuck you!'

Respawn, respawn, respawn... Soon the over 200 of my corpses are stacked all around the clearing. Bolts are flying, but I manage to take cover in the piles of my still-warm bodies.

'Deep in the hundred-acre wood,' - Respawn!

'Where I, motherfuckers, play,' - Respawn!

'You're about to lose your anal' 'maidenhood,' - Respawn!

'To a Necronomicon'-'reading' 'bird' 'of prey!' - Respawn!

Achievement unlocked: Good old suicide. Social value lowered by 3 points. In the event of a successful suicide attempt, you remain alive for 10 more seconds and attain invulnerability while the effect lasts.

'You summoned us, mortal?' - A hollow otherworldly whisper flooded the clearing.

'I did.'

'You paid a fair price, what do you desire?'

'Me? Nothing! I just figured it'd be nice to invite my friend FreakHead's relatives over for brunch. Let's get this party started! Here are the bodysuits for you and the forest is crawling with food. Make yourself at home.'

'Do you realize what you're asking for?'

'What's there to realize? Freakhead loves to party and knows how to have a blast. And here I'm surrounded by a very boring bunch.'

'Our Master wishes to have a word with you. Go north to the obsidian sanctum.'

'Yeah-yeah-yeah, whatever. But now introductions are in order!'

I drive the knife into my head again.

Active effect: Suicidal frenzy. Ignore all damage for 10 seconds.

I dash forward, three arrows and a dagger find their mark in my chest, but I manage to snatch one of the archers from his bush and tear his head off.

Respawn.

'You bastards are screwed now! I'll personally fuck up every last one of you!!'

All my naked corpses eerily rise from the ground, the only pair of pants belonging to the freshly-respawned-me. Judging by the sounds I began to hear it looked, my words were taken quite literally. I run towards the body of the distracted archer and grab my knife. But as soon as I'm able to arm myself, I catch an arrow to the stomach and a fireball to my left shoulder. My whole arm just disintegrates into ash. I howl in pain and stab myself into the temple. The effect hits, the pain subsides, and I charge the mage. I kick him in the nuts, slit his throat just as he doubles over, and we both die. Respawn. I run right into the heart of the slaughter; the majority of my corpses were already up-and-at-'em and spreading in all directions, moving faster and more determined with every second. OOOOOoooooh Damn! Shit's about to get nasty! In the corner of my eye, I see the mage's corpse being devoured. My summoned cavalry seemed to develop shapeshifting abilities once gorged. One was covered in scales, another's jaw was getting freakishly big, a third sprouted long claws. The whole forest was flooded with screams and the clashing of weapons. Through this carnage, I made my way towards the obsidian thingy. When I find a shrink, it'll be his biggest payday ever.

'Fidex, you insane motherfucker! What in the actual fuck!!?? '

'I am more likely your great-great-grandmafucker to be honest. I've been known to have tonnes of fun back in my day. I'm in the middle of a party here. Anything specifically wrong? '

'Just now me and the guys ran into a freshly raised naked zambie -YOU! It had a hole in its fucking head and nearly chomped down our Healer! We barely managed to slay the fucker! He shrugged off our anti-undead spells like they were confetti!'

'Hey, it's not my fault that I've got the only pair of pants in my army of corpses. And the zombies aren't undead -they're possessed. And anyway, head back to town! I'll be fine on my own. Or you can go ahead and collect some of my hearts\heads.'

'How did you manage to raise all of this?! You're not even a necromancer! Got damn it, Fidex! You need therapy! Anyway, we got your stuff, if you need us - holler.'

I kept making my way through the forest, dodging groups of knights here-and-there. Everybody was panicking and running somewhere. I can't imagine why.

The forrest was subtly changing. The trees were growing higher. The vibe was getting more sinister. The silence was sometimes shattered by far away screams. The trail started taking me upward weaving amidst the surreal shapes made by the roots of the local trees. Soon I began to notice stones littered all over the hill. I swooped one up and peeled away the layer of moss: Obsidian. Gradually the rocks were growing in size and number. It seemed as though I was making my way towards the epicenter of some massive explosion.

Soon I came upon the Obsidian Sanctum. Ruins of a once magnificent wall went on to the east. The dome of the building seemed to collapse inward a millennia ago. As I entered the silence seemed to crush all life within. All I could hear was the sound of my breath.

'Welcome, mortal!'

The voice came from the walls themselves with a heavy hiss that implied that the speaker struggled with the language.

'Greetings, Keeper of this charming place! What do I call you?'

'Call me, Master!'

'Oh yeah? Well, I'm Antuan Maria Reserford Capone Mustafa Ogli Remark de Zesan Sherlock ibn Mihailovich. That's my nik-name, my real name is ...'

'You dare mock me, mortal?'

A chill spread from the walls and the shadows began to jitter menacingly.

'Nope, I just have zero tolerance for impertinence. My name is Fidex, what do I call you?'

'Ras'hshard. Creatures from your worst nightmares call me Father.'

'Yeah, I get it, and the most cuddly ones get to call you Daddy. It looks like someone's parents had a sense of humor. So what is it you want from me, Keeper?'

'To inquire, mortal. You have earned my attention and provided ample entertainment.'

'Well, it doesn't hurt to ask.'

'What is it you want?'

'I could go for ice cream. Crisp wafer cup, two scoops, one vanilla, and another chocolate, with a topping of cherry-flavored syrup.'

'YOU FORGET YOURSELF, WORM!'

'Okay-okay! Don't get all wound up about it! The truth is I want to become a God.'

The sanctum shook with laughter. Several chunks of obsidian broke off from the collapsed dome and came crashing around me.

'The most outrageous wish in the last three hundred years. You humans always lust after power. Some to destroy and create, others to resurrect loved ones. You are no different. If you simply ask I can grant you the power of a Prince of Pandemonium.'

'What the hell for? I'm getting along fine on my own. And if you have no idea of how to help a brother out, I'll get going. I haven't fed FreakHead in a while, and the blacksmith's daughter is waiting for me.'

'Halt! I can tell you how to become a God. But first, you have to do something for me.'

'Now we're talking! So what is it you want me to do, Deity with an unpronounceable name?'

'First, kill my son. You have given him a new name, and now he has lost his way. Send him home.

Second, tear out the beating heart of the Darkness Serpent.

Third, become an enemy of the empire, but a friend of the emperor, make him betray his family and his duty.

Fourth, Bring a pure soul, whose holiness is undeniable down to the depths of Vice.

If my son dies by and others hand - you die, If the Serpent keeps its heart - you die, If the Emperor retains his honor - you die, If the Soul keeps to the path of light - you die. And in death, I will show you the horrors of your false and petty immortality.'

You are offered a quest, "The Path of God." Fulfill the bidding of the Chaos Patriarch. Denying the quest leads to DELETION. Failing to do the bidding leads to DELETION. The reward may vary.

Do you accept?

'Yeup!' - I wasn't about to lose my new life, shitty as it was. Well, Sorry - Boyscout, Sorry - Serpent, Sorry - Emperor, Sorry - Unkown holy person. Nothing personal.

'Hey, you slithering swindler! Want a riddle?'

'Amuse me, worm!'

'How do you catch a beautiful bird without killing it's spirit?'

In bewildered silence, I left the sanctum and made my way back towards the town. Memories flooded my mind.

I was at an airport getting registered for an international flight. I'm coming back from escorting Helen to her home, I'm happy because this rushed hassle is finally over, but it hurt so much letting her go, but I feel content knowing that everything is going to be alright. And that was as good a guess as any. The plane took off headed for the grim Moscow sky. Now I'm in the Aeroexpress.

A man in a filthy costly suit sits next to me, wearing a watch that costs as much as several expensive cars.

'Young man, How would you like to sell me your soul.'

I turned my head in surprise.

'Sell you MY soul? What for?'

'For whatever in the World! You can fulfill your every desire, conquer any woman, destroy any enemy.'

The man gave me an attentive look

'Or save a loved one...' - He added eloquently.

'No, Thanks. I am already in Love with the girl of my dreams, And she, in turn, loves me back. I'm capable of fulfilling my desires on my own, and every enemy can be taken care of with a brick, a carpet, and a dark alleyway. My loved ones won't forgive me if I purchase their wellbeing at such a price. And I'm pretty sure you have nothing to offer a completely happy man.'

'I'd think twice before turning down such an offer.' - His eyes flared.

'Alright, if you've got your sight set on my soul, let's play a game of riddles. You win - I hand you my soul free of charge. If you don't - we go our separate ways.'

'So be it.' This promises to be interesting.

'How do you catch a beautiful bird without killing its spirit?'

For the next twenty minutes, the guy kept thinking, guessing, and proving his points.

'I'm sorry, but you're not even close. So what do you say - let's part ways?'

'I will not forgive this jest of yours, I can make that every year one of your relatives will be diagnosed with cancer.'

'Well, that's a bold claim. - I stretched out my hand - I believe you if you guess my name. '

'That's a great line, You mind if I borrow it?'

'No problem, I won't sue.'

'Young man, I'm tempted to give you my card, you turned out to be a most curious conversationalist.'

'I definitely may be. But don't bother. Why would I need a swindled devil?'

We set apart near the exit of the aero express. The man went and got himself a taxi, I descended into the subway. I felt really good about myself. On my way home, I stumbled upon a bright red rose wrapped in plastic. And I still find myself pondering what it was supposed to mean.

'Morgen! How are you guys doing? What's up with the inquisitors and stuff?'

'Not so hot, man. Several clans deduced that the manhunt for you was an elaborate scheme. They're showing that video, where you're surrounded then after your promise to fuck every up the whole bunch naked of corpses stands up. The person who was recording had a breakdown. Your little army then proceeded to corner all the players into respawn points and leveled up considerably by chomping down on the poor bastards. Several high-level holy orders showed up and managed to lay waste to your possessed bodies but at a steep price. The Elite Conjurer squad was taken out by the Boyscout amidst the chaos. Anyway, everything around the town 10-mile radius is a shitstom. The townsfolk consider anybody with a quest on you to be the scum of the earth, and they even hanged several players. Any resistance is quickly suppressed by high-level local NPCs. I can't even tell where they came from! What in the hell did you and Prof manage to tell them?!'

'I haven't got a clue. In the morning I woke up with five extra levels and a great reputation with the town, but I find myself short on memories. I guess I'm gonna have to ask around and check the logs. And a shit-tonne of system messages. But hey, so the Inquisition isn't after me anymore?'

'Well, the NPCs were all but wiped out. And for the record, there were four hundred of them. Among the players, only about two dozen smart ones escaped the respawn death traps. At least half of the death squad that tried to execute you are now Boyscout Cookies(_59 and counting). And everybody's reputation with the town is down to gutter level. The guards don't even let them in. So the Order of Light is like, humiliated, demoralized, broke, it's reputation is shit, and an existential crisis is in full bloom. So they'll be hunting you to the edge of the world for this, and I'm not talking about a five-hundred-strong raid party. It'll be every regular player out for your ass, and there's like at least ten million of them. But there is a chance that they'll deem you ape-shit crazy and stay very far away. I mean, just look at your achievements... You sure have made a name for yourself.'

'All that's bobby-cock! I'm the nicest guy! And I love kittens... for breakfast. What about the Conjuration Order? Have the players scattered?'

'Those guys set up camp some distance away from the town and are probably up to some scary shit. They're drawing a pentagram. Or a Hectogram - I can't tell from up here. They probably got their orders not from the Bosses in the Order, but from the Lords of the Outer Planes. So they'll be after you with a lot more gusto. Thankfully there aren't many left of them. There's a hell of a lot of players out to get you, but it'll be some time before they get here. Portals are a luxury not many can afford lately.'

'People just can't take I hint. They always forget that there is always a bigger fish. So how do I get into town if it's being guarded by the Order?'

'Well they aren't strictly guarding the town; they're just standing at the front gate. It's not like they've got patrols and stuff. We'll throw you a ladder when you're here.'

'Great, see you at the south gate in an hour.'

On my way back, I found several of my mutilated corpses, so I cut off my heads and carved out my hearts and stuffed them into some cloth. This was indescribably weird. Soon I came up to the wall and saw my comrade's head disappear behind the palisade.

'I COME BEARING GIFTS!'

And I tossed my bodyparts over the wall. Thud, thud, thud, thud, Smack, smack, smack. I hear somebody throw up.

'Owww, my little softies. Morgen, who's puking all over the wall?'

'Mila, your presents landed square at her feet.'

'And how the hell were you planning to decapitate me and rip my heart out for the reward? Without standing the gore?'

'She switched to the realistic mode only recently, Before everything was censored out.'

'I see. Morgen, where's my ladder?'

I climbed over the wall and made my way towards the tavern. I soon noticed red armbands on the guard's shoulders. The people smiled at from all around and were ready to shake my hand and even give me taps on the back.

Life was getter better. Life was getting good.