A Shameless Mother

"What's wrong, mom? Why does your face look red?...Is it because the way I'm hugging is making you uncomfortable?" Her son asked with a concerned look on his face, after seeing her embarrassed expression that she was trying to hide. He then gave a dispirited sigh and said, with a pityful look on his face 

"I knew it...I thought that I had found the best position to give you a hug, as it just felt more natural this way, and it doesn't feel awkward anymore like how it was before, but it seems like it isn't the correct way either...You even hate it so much that you're trembling in my hands. 

Sigh...I should probably just give up on giving you any hugs in general, since I can't seem to do it no matter how I try. Although I wanted to respond back to your hugs thinking that it would make you happy, I think it's better to stay in my lane and just obediently recieve your hugs and not embarrass myself in front of you...I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry that I disappointed you."

...Disappoint her?

How could her only son, whom she loves more than anyone else in the world, disappoint her? 

Even if he turns out to be a worthless bum with no future, she trusted in her heart that she would love him for who he was, no matter what he became.

So, saying that he could actually disappoint her is an impossible statement that she could simply not accept.

She also couldn't accept the fact that her son thought her hug was disappointing when it was the best hug she had ever received, and she doubted if any man could ever give her a hug as passionate as her son could.

From the way his fingers ploughed into her flesh without actually hurting her, to how he evenly distributed her weight over his hands, which made it feel like she was lighter than a fairy...He was simply a prodigy in the field of hugging, that just couldn't be matched.

And even as his own mother, she couldn't help but admit that she felt excited with the strong hold he had on her, so how could anyone else dare say that he was a disappointment when it came to hugging someone?

The only problem was that she was his mother, and he shouldn't be giving her hugs; that actually warmed her up from the inside, as it was quite taboo to feel that way from your son. 

But it was her problem that she was feeling that way, and not her son's. And it should never be an excuse for her son to not give her another hug.

She felt that she'd much rather receive hugs like this, where she firmly felt his fingers leave marks on her lower flesh, then let her son get too embarrassed to give her a hug and never receive another hug from him ever again.

Once she understood that, she immediately looked up at her son and said 

"No Kafi~ There's nothing wrong with the way you're hugging your mother. The only reason mommy was shaking right now was because she was so happy that she received her first proper hug from you and couldn't help but tremble in joy...So, there's no need to stop hugging me from here on forth, as mommy really enjoys your hugs."

"Really? Is that true?...Then why is your face so red and your body so warm, like you're having a fever? Are you not just saying that, so I won't feel bad that I can't give you a hug?" Her son asked in return, which made her embarrassed and ashamed at the immature way she was acting.

She was supposed to be his mother. And here she was acting like a little girl who was being embraced by her lover. How shameful. 

Realizing how immature she was acting, she decided that she would try her best to control herself in the future. But she also reluctantly believed that it would be too hard to do so since her son's hands on her flesh simply felt too good and weren't a sensation she could easily ignore.

"Of course, Kafi~ Why would I lie to my little boy?...I really do enjoy your hugs and would love to receive them every single day for the rest of my life. So, don't you dare say that you won't hug me ever again."

She said a lie that wasn't a lie, since she really did enjoy his hugs, as it not only gave her happiness from getting hugged by her beloved son, it also gave her another rousing sensation from inside her body—that she simply could not say out loud with her identity as his mother. 

And as shameless as her thoughts were, she also wouldn't mind if her son hugged her like this every day, as it reminded her that she was also a woman who felt happy when she was loved, which she seemed to have forgotten over the years.

The most shameful part about that was that it was her own son that made her realise her feelings that she had buried deep beneath, and not anyone else...Even her own partner. 

But he was her adorable son and not any other stranger, so she didn't feel any guilt for having these feelings and simply chose to accept them all. 

Why, you ask?

It was because it was her son, who loved her more than anyone else in the world, who made her feel this way, and not anyone else. 

For this son of hers, whom she she would give her heart for without a moment's hesitation, she would accept anything he did to her with open arms, even if his actions crossed boundaries that were simply not meant to be crossed between a mother and child. 

Actions like the firm hug he gave, that incited something in her that she should never have felt from her son...But also couldn't help but want to feel again.