New Start

Dad hasn't been back since. His BMW left the drive for the last time a few weeks back and there's been no contact since, according to the neighbourhood gossip he's moved a few towns away to be with his new girlfriend, apparently the house agreement near us just suddenly fell through. I wonder why. I hope he enjoys his new life, I'm sure he'll have less troubled kids than the ones he has now, speaking of which:

"Mum! Mum! Where's my football boots? Owen is outside and we're already late." Luke is stood outside my bedroom, screaming down the stairs in his football kit that he'll eventually grow into, according to my Mum. The shorts cover three quarters of his skinny legs and the socks are pulled up so high that not an inch of skin is showing, except for his slightly burnt arms – thanks to his recent football tour to Spain.

"They're down here, by the sink in the downstairs loo."

Mum's stressed, she has a big business meeting today about whether they can merge with another accounting firm and double their profits. I'm not entirely sure of the specifics, I zoned out when she started discussing numbers. She's at the bottom of the stairs sifting through the letters that she clarified as junk weeks ago.

"Stop fidgeting, Mum, I'm sure you'll be fine!" I call down as I pass into my bedroom, slinging my newly washed clothes into the drawer.

I have no plans for today, I can spend my Saturday in peace just like I've needed for months. I slouch into the desk chair at the corner of my bedroom and log onto my laptop, messages from all forms of social media flood the screen and the constant chiming noises deafen me.

Before I have the chance to open Facebook, Mum calls in to my room. Her brow is wrinkled and the grey roots are starting to show through the fair hair she so desperately wants people to believe is natural, yet she still looks effortlessly beautiful: eyes not so dissimilar to mine glowing a subtle copper blue in the golden sun, "I've left money on the counter if you want to pop to the corner shop for some tea, I probably won't be home before late," She scowls, "Why anyone would have a meeting on a Saturday is beyond me."

She's about to shut the door when I call out, "Whatever happens, you'll still be an award-winning accountant with a top class firm." She smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes, "I love you."

Blowing a kiss, she lightly closes my door and I log on. The group chat has been going crazy.

Austin Olson was added ten hours ago. Austin Olson. The boy who joined our school just under three weeks ago has already been added to our group chat. The place we have personal chats. I don't even know his middle name!

Austin Olson added at 1:59am

Austin: Thanks Man! I really enjoyed tonight :)

Jay: No problem, hope to see you again next week.

Austin: Sure thing, anyone wanna do something tomorrow? Mum's out all day and it would be nice to enjoy this rare sunny weather.

This random American has seen more of my friends – my boyfriend – than I have in the past few days. What has happened? Without hesitation, I dial the only number that springs to mind:

"Hello?" His voice is groggy, as if he's only just woken up, but the TV is on in the background. He has to be in the living room. I hope they didn't make him wait up for them again. They ask way too much of him.

"Jay, can I have a word?"

He hesitates, it seems he may not have seen the caller ID when he answered the phone, "Carlie? I haven't spoken to you in ages. What word would you like? Any one above five letters is a little past my skillset but I can try."

My heart floods with warmth as he lets out his childlike giggle that I've not heard since before the break-up and I can feel tears starting to well in my eyes. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to phone him whilst I'm still trying to get over him.

"Where were you last night?" It comes out harsher than I was hoping it to and I can tell his joy was short-lived.

"You've seen the group chat, I see."

"It's kind of hard to miss when I've had fifty-seven notifications since one o'clock this morning."

"Did they wake you?"

"No."

"Will you be coming to the barbeque we're having on the field?"

"You're dodging my question."

"I don't see why you need an answer. Surely it's clear enough that I was hanging out with Austin?"

"It is." I can't help but be blunt, my mouth is too dry to form any more than a sentence at a time.

"Come to the barbeque."

"I think I'm a little busy."

"It's the third Saturday of the month. That means that your brother has a match, your Mum will be watching him – no scratch that – I just saw her drive past in a newly cleaned Mercedes so she'll be on her way to a business meeting that will most definitely last all day and, by the way, you don't have any homework because you've spent more time in the library this past month than you have the entirety of secondary school. I don't think we need to work out why that is."

"There could be many reasons for that…"

"Don't lie to me, I know you better than you know yourself. Please, please, please just come for your sake. Everyone misses you, Gable, even Spence."

Even after reprocessing it in my mind, it doesn't make an ounce of sense, "Spence? Since when have you called him Spence?" I don't even want to mention the other nickname I loathe so much, especially when he says it.

"I have for a while, don't make a big deal out of this as well, for fuck's sake."

"You know what? Screw you and screw your barbeque! I hope it rains." My insults are strong as you can see. I wait for a response but he hangs up, I shouldn't have phoned but I needed to hear his voice. I missed him too much.

For the rest of the day I sit inside and watch the world go by, scrolling through Instagram and Facebook for hours, even though I've seen it all before. I didn't think I would be this lost without him.

Despite spending every waking hour of the day with Jacobo, I hadn't seemed to notice that I was slowly losing myself as an individual. It seems I had become that annoying girl who didn't know who she was without her boyfriend.

After my realisation, it's clear I need to prove to myself that I can have fun without Jay by my side and that is why I am going to attend the barbeque that just so happens to be with Jay. The correlation is just pure coincidence, I promise.