Family

It's quiet when I push open the front door and the hallway looks no different. It used to be filled with Dad's jackets, briefcases and all sorts of random stuff he'd bring home from the office. Mum would hate it, she'd sit at the kitchen table and slowly tut until he lost his patience and suddenly they'd be arguing again.

It would start off being about the coats lining the staircase but it would build to her complaining that he doesn't care about her anymore. It would go on and on until everybody in the house was in tears – me and my brothers included – or until one of them left in a huff, leaving tire marks on the drive as they pulled away.

The house isn't like that anymore, Mum no longer gets agitated over little things and she appreciates her family more than she used to, she's a free spirit and she likes it. So why is Dad here? Why would he want to ruin that?

"Mum?" I shout into the practically deserted house, hoping that I don't hear a call back that she needs a hand hiding my father's body.

"We're in the living room."

'We'? They have not been 'we' until they sat down and told us that 'we' would be getting a divorce. This is strange, even for our family. I throw my shoes into the cupboard under the stairs and make my way through to the living room.

When Dad left, Mum used the rest of the inheritance she was saving for a rainy day to renovate the house. She went for a grey theme and everything apart from the wooden floors look like they've been slightly singed, and when I see Dad sat on one of the charcoal sofas, it seems out of place.

He's thinner than he was when I saw him in summer all those months ago, his suit almost drowns him and his facial features are much more defined, yet he still has that Gable smile that my grandmother insists has been passed down through generations.

"Are you okay sweetheart?" He's already out of his seat with his arms outstretched for a hug, I can fit my arms around his tummy for the first time in my life. He's trimmed his beard so it doesn't tickle my forehead anymore and his unkempt dark hair is suddenly cut and gelled into place. He's changed so much since I saw him last.

"I'm good. Since when have you two ever been able to have a civilised cup of coffee?"

Dad looks a little taken aback but Mum has a little sparkle of joy in her eye. Seeing Mum with a smile on her face around Dad is refreshing, she actually radiates a glow that I've never seen before, it seems to have impressed Dad as well, he can't stop staring at her.

"Your Dad has some news."

He's distracted, Mum hasn't noticed, but it takes him a while to retract his stare from the beautiful blue eyes I've inherited from her, "Sorry, what did you say, honey?" She's not been 'honey' for seven years.

Mum's cheeks go scarlet but it doesn't seem to bother her, "You have some news don't you?" She pats his knee and he's snapped out of his trance.

"Oh, yes, yes, Carlie I've been offered a perfect new job."

"A job more perfect than one that takes you all over the world, seems a little ambiguous." I take a seat on the nearest chair, snuggling into one of the throws Mum has bought from one of her most recent Primark hauls.

"The issue with working abroad, Carlie, was that I couldn't spend any time with my family. I've been offered a job that lets me work ten minutes down the road from here."

"That's great." I lie, it's not great. I don't want him back in our lives full-time again, it's so much easier to handle his pressure and controlling attitude in small doses.

"I'm moving to a house that is only a few doors down, I'll hopefully be able to see you all weekly. You guys can come over whenever you want to. All of you." He's smiling at my Mum but she's not getting the message.

"Wouldn't that be great, Carlie?' She says through gritted teeth, "You could see your Dad as much as you'd want to."

"That does sound good, it'll be nice to come and see you when I need a bit of peace and quiet."

"I've actually got some more news," Dad says, shuffling awkwardly on the leather of the sofa, "I am getting married."

Almost in slow motion, my Mum spits a fountain of tea from her mouth, forming a puddle of murky brown on the wooden floor, "You didn't think to mention this to me before you told our daughter?"

"Well, we were having such a nice chat, I didn't want to upset you."

"Oh good job, well done Stephen, you've really succeeded in that."

"Oh for fuck's sake, Amelia, why can't you just be happy for me? It's about time that I moved on," Dad says and then, under his breath, he continues, "Unlike some people, it took me a while to find somebody else."

"Are you kidding me, Stephen?" Mum's fuming, the vein in her forehead is protruding more than I've ever seen it, "It was three months, that's a long time, especially when my husband hadn't shown me any signs of affection for years before our so called marriage ended."

"Our so-called marriage," Dad says, mocking her with air-quotes, "only ever ended because you just couldn't let me be happy. Ever. You couldn't fathom the idea of me having a life that didn't involve you and your moaning arse."

I can't take this anymore, I leave the room and race up the stairs, I can still hear the voices slowly rising in the living room. The space in my wardrobe is still hollowed out from when I was a child so I sit in the dark and lie against my giant teddy that I've had since I was five.

I want to text Jay but I've blocked his number. I thought it would be easier but it hasn't been. I've blocked most of his social medias but the best friend heart on snapchat is too difficult to let go of, it means there's still a connection between us two.

Holding my dead phone to my chest, I wait for the shouting to calm before leaving the darkness of the wardrobe and flop onto my unmade bed. I can't bear to get rid of the photo of Jay and I beside the bed so I just turn it over and rest it on the table. How can I get over a man whose face takes up half of my walls? How could I stop texting him goodnight every night when we've done it for the past three years? A relationship that has lasted that long cannot just be forgotten and ended overnight, surely. But I guess if Mum and Dad have taught me anything, it's that you can move on and be happy again. It'll take time but I'm sure I'll love again.

After my phone has booted back up, I ring Emma back, who has left three missed calls and hundreds of text messages. Music is blaring in the background and I can hear shouting coming from the distance, she's clearly not at home, where her strictly catholic family reside.

She shouts for whoever she's with to turn off the speaker and returns to her handset:

"How are you? No, scratch that, why the hell did you not tell me that you and Jay had broken up?" She's pissed, although, it's clear that she isn't in the headspace to have a serious conversation about it now.

"I didn't really want for it to be real, if I had told you I would've had to accept it myself. He ended a three-year relationship without even a second glance. Have I gotten fat? You'd tell me truthfully if I had gotten fat, wouldn't you?"

It's got to be that. Usually, I can see him taking a quick glance at my bum as I leave the room but today there wasn't even a peep in that direction. Maybe I'm not attractive to him. I'm sure he could go for anyone much prettier. But they wouldn't love him like I could.

"You've not gotten fat, bloody hell, if you're getting fat what hope do I have?" She laughs awkwardly, even after losing 20 pounds last summer, she's still not happy with her weight and reminds herself of it time and time again, "And please tell me exactly what happened, surely he wouldn't have just ended it without a second thought."

"He said that he needed a break to get his thoughts together," I roll over so I'm led on my stomach and curl the pompoms on the cushion around my finger, "he said that he couldn't do that whilst I'm in the picture. I'm suffocating him, I must be, he's usually so open and honest about his problems."

"Maybe it's a big issue that he doesn't want to hurt you with, what if he's dying? Oh. My. God. That must be it! Of course he's dying, it all makes sense now," She's speaking at lightyear pace, "He's dying and he thinks if he's broken your heart already you won't mourn his loss too much when he does go."

As much as it is obvious that Emma is talking complete crap, I wonder if she has a point deep in her thoughts, maybe he is suffering from something bad and he doesn't want to hurt me with it. In some ways that breaks my heart more, why wouldn't he want my shoulder to cry on throughout the pain?

"Are you still there?" Emma asks, snapping me from my trance, "I actually have some news of my own, you rushed off before I could tell you earlier."

I await the boy news that I knew was coming, a week has gone by without it, I was starting to get concerned.

"My mum finally got that job, we're moving…" The line goes silent. I don't think I could have understood; Emma would never move away from me. We've been together for seventeen years with only a few yards between us, she can't leave me. Not now.

"When?"

"Two months, I've still got time. Believe me, Carlie, it broke my heart when she told me, I couldn't imagine not coming to see my best friend on the daily."

"And it is where we thought it was, right?"

"Australia, yep, I'll get a nice tan at least."

"You promise you'll come back and visit?"

"Of course, I'm sure Australia's movie nights don't live up to even half of ours."

"And you'll facetime whenever you're free from gallivanting around the coast with your surfer boyfriend?"

"Of course, even with the twelve-hour time difference you won't be able to get rid of me." I can feel her smiling through the phone, her warmth is contagious, "I promise I won't forget about you."

"Good." I can't help but give a watery smile. The thought of being alone is killing me.

"Now that's over with let's discuss the new boy and how I'm stupidly and madly in love with him," She's speaking her usual fast pace again, "I think his name is Austin or something like that."

"He is nice; I think you two would be cute together."

"Maybe it can be a short but sweet romance."

"Maybe."

"You seemed to have a lasting effect on him." She says, sending a shiver down my spine, "He spoke about you all through English, Jacobo smiled every time he mentioned your name."

"He wasn't annoyed? He made a harsh comment in the corridor about me and Austin even just walking to lesson together."

"He was anything but, I think he enjoyed reminiscing about you. He and Austin actually kind of hit it off. I have to go; Nick is wanting to put the stereo on again." She hangs up, leaving me a little confused as to who Nick is.

I can't believe Jay smiled today. I can't believe he smiled with somebody else but me. I can't believe he smiled to the boy he's known for ten minutes instead of his girlfriend. Correction – ex-girlfriend.