Pointing fingers

I was in Biol, no older than eight years old

"Are you certain he will be alright without taking extra classes to learn the language? I can make the lessons very cheap just for you!" The principal of my new school said

"No it's okay, he is a bright kid he will manage!"

"I know he is your kid Domic but you have to consider it more!" The principal insisted

"I said he will be alright okay? You know my situation so don't make this any harder" My father said in an angry tone before dragging me out of the principal's office

"This will be your new school son! Make sure to make new friends and play with them! It will be hard in the start but I have faith in you!"

My father smiled sweetly as he told me these words, At the time I couldn't do anything but nod that I agreed, I was empty after I left all my old friends behind

So the days passed and I started attending the school regularly, it was a five-minute walk from where I lived and I had to climb some stairs before reaching it

Every Monday we sang the national anthem while the kids in the sixth grade raised the flag of the country

All the other days a kid said the regular prayer, and at some times I got up and said the prayer too

It was kind of hard to learn it at first but after hearing it five times a week I caught up to it

"You are from Japan? How is it to live there?" I remember a kid asking me

"Pretty much the same"

That was the truth, the countryside of Kyoto and this island had many things in common

…

"Whoa Iriasu! You are pretty fast at running, I didn't expect our team to get third in the race, you really carried us at the end! Can't wait to see how well you are going to do when you grow up!"

"Of course he is fast! His father is Domic! The guy that runs across the village dropping water to everyone's front door! I once tried to race him but he made me eat his dust!"

…

"Let's have a round of applause for our little Iriasu! He managed to solve this difficult problem all on his own!"

CLAP CLAP CLAP

"You should help me with my homework! I'm very bad at math compared to you!" A girl told me

After school ended I came over to her house to do homework and play afterward

"Who's kid are you?" Her father asked me

"I'm the son of Domic"

"Domic huh? You are Japanese, aren't you? Do you want my wife to prepare rice for you?"

At the time I didn't get it but I knew something was wrong when the mother slightly schooled him

After doing our homework we played together and when I was about to leave her father talked to me again

"Thank god you are helping her with math! It must be your favorite subject right?"

He had a small grin while asking me that, and funny enough at the time I really loved math

"I love doing math!"

My smile of excitement slowly turned into a confused look when I saw him cracking up and at this time her mother also laughed slightly

…

"I heard you were at the top of your class, good job at that kid! I didn't expect you to do this good in your first year here so what do you say? Want to go for ice cream?" My father excitingly asked me as he carried me on his back

After we got the ice cream we relaxed near the ice cream shop

"I heard your son had the best grade right?" A random guy asked my father

"Of course he did! He is my son after all, I used to be very good at school too when I was younger" My father told him with a smirk

"But it seems he doesn't have many friends and he is very shy, it is weird considering how social you are! Haven't you told him that making many friends is a good thing?"

My father looked a bit sad after hearing him say that

"He doesn't know the language well, plus some kids are just slow at making friends! I don't think that is bad but I'm sure he will make many friends as the years pass" My father said as he stared into my eyes with a smile

At the time him looking me in the eyes was like him telling me "Make friends" I don't know why I felt like he told me that, even though it was look of acceptance like telling me "It's okay"

Things didn't get better as the years passed, I sure made some friends but I felt like I had to get better at many things

My father was fluent in two or three languages so I studied very hard the language so I could communicate better while also keeping my Japanese in a good state

But something good was that one random day my father gave me a small notebook that had many everyday phrases with Japanese phrases and the English translation at the bottom

"This is something someone close to me used to learn the language, She wasn't so good at the start like you but this helped her a lot and I hope it helps you a lot too! So you can take it, make sure you use it to its fullest extent!"

I was so happy about this notebook that I studied it every time I had free time, this way my adjustment to the language was pretty easy

…

The first years were pretty peaceful, the real trouble started after some years when the competitive spirit became more passionate

I wanted to win more, I wanted to impress more, I wanted to be more

At the time it was the time for the annual sports festival where the school splits into different teams and competes with each other, and just like the first year I was the main guy in the track team, all the other games prior were either failed or we barely made it to the second place and most of the times the good results came because of me

So when the track race began I felt very confident that we could actually win the festival this time, I also gave a huge lead to my team at the start so things looked good, until one guy messed everything up by falling while running weirdly, it was almost like he fell by himself resulting to us losing the race and getting fourth place overall

"WHY DID YOU FALL IDIOT?" I asked as I pushed the guy back

"I'm sorry, I just..."

"YOU JUST WHAT? WE LOST BECAUSE OF YOU? WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN USELESS!" I said as I started fighting him

Being a grade older I thought he could fight back but the kid couldn't fight at all and the fight was quickly stopped by teachers at the time my father was called to the principal's office to discuss what happened

He appeared to be very calm and apologetic toward the other kid's parents but once we returned home he revealed his true feelings

"Are you insane? You hit this kid just because he didn't win the race?" My father angrily asked me

"Of course I hit him! This idiot was almost 10 meters ahead of everyone and still managed to lose, I didn't run my ass just for him to lose"

"Are you hearing yourself? You hit someone because you lost? No matter how frustrated you were you had no right to hit him!"

"I won every game I was in for my team and he ruined everything! You don't know how it feels!"

"I fought many men when I was a MMA fighter kid and do you know how many times I lost thinking it was the referee's fault or the judge's fault? Countless of times. That was the case because of paid matches but after a point I accepted defeat, you must lose sometimes because if you win every time then you lose the thrill of trying to get better at something and in the end, you stop trying!"

I didn't understand his words back then, I thought he was just saying nonsense

Maybe that was the start of my toxic addiction to winning, every time I didn't win I felt this spark of fury inside my body which slowly set my whole body into a flame of rage

I felt that if I didn't get first place then people would stop talking to me and lose interest in me because back then that's all I had for myself, my good performance in physical activities and school which all felt like a chore

But I didn't have to do anything too extra since I was liked by many then without being the best at anything

But before I knew it I set this image for myself as the guy who is good at everything and for some parts it was the truth, talented and bright, these were the two words many teachers described me to be

But as I said that was just an image the real me was way sadder than that, even if I was above average in most of the things I tried I capped at a certain level that many kids could surpass but didn't because they didn't have the interest, I was just a good beginner at many things but couldn't master anything because truthfully, I was talentless and just good at fooling people I was not

So when I finally entered junior high where more than being good at sports made you stand out I fell behind, I became a sore loser, and that hurt me

I was afraid of seeing other groups form in which I had no place, I had nothing besides my physical attributes, and the only group I fit in was the sports group but I was a sour fruit among all the sweet ones

I was egotistic and didn't give a damn about anyone else, if I got a bad pass at basketball or volleyball I would curse the one who passed to me resulting in being unlikeable by many, so the only thing left going for me was my academical performance which I was good at, I was in the top of my class but I didn't get any excitement after being first since I didn't have anyone to share it with

So now that I think about it I hated my father for no reason, because ultimately I was the problem, I was the one that brought this to myself

It didn't matter how good I was at anything because what's the difference between a loser and one that has a golden mind and a good heart when they have a weak soul?

Honestly, I love my father for telling me to better myself from the inside and change because everything I hated back then was what I was, an idiot pretending to be something he wasn't

"I'm a good person" I kept telling myself while I brought despair to every corner of the room I was standing, even when that "room" was a whole football field

I was the reason I was abandoned by everyone but even when I was just an annoying person to deal with my father was by my side telling me the words I wanted to hear and telling me how to improve myself so in the last two years I became introverted, I didn't do anything with anyone, I just learned new skills and improved old ones

After all that I was given a second chance, a way to redeem myself from everything I did so this time I will do the right thing, I was counted out many times in the past and that was for the good

This time I will grasp this second try in life, I will not remain the same miserable person I was

Fuck my ego, I will live genuinely this time, with no regrets and no holding back! I will finally take off this mask...