Chapter 32

"Saan mo ako dadalhin?"

Iyon ang unang nasabi ko nang mag iba kami nang daan. Masyadong pamilyar iyon kaya hindi ko maiwasang kabahan. Ano ba itong ginagawa nya?

"You need to rest, we're going to my house," Pabuntong hininga na sabi nya at ibinalik ang tingin sa daan.

Nakahinga naman ako ng maluwag sa sinabi nya. Pa exit kami nang manila kaya ako nagtataka kung bakit. I thought he's kidnapping me.

"May bahay ka pala?" Tanong ko ulit pero hindi na sya sumagot. Iyon ang akala ko pero nagsalita sya.

"Hope you'll like it there,"

Kumunot naman ang noo ko. "Where?"

Tinignan nya ako at nginitan. I'm still confused where are we going right now. I just want to be alone, but other choices are to be with him. Maybe I'm selfish to think that I only care for my feelings, not his.

I was starting to think while we are on the way. The air feels cold maybe because of upcoming Christmas. Napaawang ang labi ko nang mapamilyaran kung saan kami papunta.

"Are we going in Tagaytay?" Nagugulat kong tanong sa kanya.

Hindi ako nagkamali nang ngumiti sya. Ibig sabihin ay tama ang hinala ko. Halos makatulog ako sa byahe nang makarating kami sa tapat nang maganda at malaking bahay tanaw ang tinted glass niyon at matibay na gate sa unahan.

Umalis sya sa driver seat pagka park namin sa sarili nyang park malapit sa garahe at pumunta sa pwesto ko para ipagbuksan ako.

A gentleman it is...

I still can't believe what I'm seeing right now. It's a beautiful house in front of me with a tree beside it. I can see the garden and the pool already. A very welcoming home.

"Welcome to my home, I believe that should be ours but I should stop hoping that you'll be mine." Nakangiting sabi nya at tinanaw ang bahay sa tapat namin.

Napaisip ako. "Eh bakit mo ako dinala dito?"

"To have a peace of mind. Para naman mas ma relax ka at kalimutan saglit ang problema sa maynila. And of course, to talk to you inside of my house and after, I'll welcome you again to the dangerous club organization of ours." Mahabang paliwanag nya at inalalayan ako maglakad papalapit sa gate na awtomatikong nabuksan.

Hanggang marating namin ang loob ng living room ay hindi ko pa din maiwasang mamangha lalo na nang makita ko ang malaking TV at sa gilid niyon ay halos laman ng CD.

"Maupo ka muna, I'll get you something," Pagkasabi nya noon ay umalis na sya, habang ako ay umupo sa malambot na sofa at iginala ang paningin sa kabuuan ng bahay.

Aayos na sana ako nang upo nang may marinig ako ingay nang aso na syang ikinalingon ko sa kanan. Mula sa nakatagong hagdan ay bumaba ang itim at puti na shih tzu at tumakbo papalapit sa akin at amuyin ang suot kong stilletos.

Napangiti agad ako at pinakiramdaman sila bago ko hawakan. Halos matawa ako nang pumikit silang dalawa nang himasin ko ang mga ulo nila.

"Zenter and Zantra," Nagulat ako nang may narinig akong boses sa likod ko kaya nilingon ko sya. "The zenter is the black and zantra is the white."

"It's so cute, binili mo?" Nakangiting tugon ko at mas nilambing ang dalawa habang ang mga buntot ay gumagalaw.

Ilang segundo pa ang lumipas at wala akong sagot na nakuha sa kanya kaya nilingon ko sya ulit, bitbit pa din ang orange juice at pancakes na may chocolate syrup at honey.

Nag iwas sya ng tingin bago tumikhim. "I uh. It's not mine,"

Kumunot ang noo ko at nilingon ang dalawang cute na shih tzu. "Eh kanino? Akala ko pa naman sayo, pero alam kong hindi ka naman animal lover,"

Natawa ako nang tignan nya ako nang masama. "Kanino nga?" Ulit ko nang hindi nya sagutin.

"To winter,"

"Winter?" Takang tanong ko. "Jino joke time mo ba ako-"

"Pangalan yon." Tumikhim sya ulit at nag iwas nang tingin. Nang mahulaan ang itsura nya ay ngumisi ako at tumayo para mapalapit sa kanya.

"So winter huh," Ngisi ko. "Kaya ba tanggap mo na kasi nahanap mo na ang the one?"

"Shut up and just eat, I have somethings important to do," Tinalikuran nya ako kaagad na syang ikinatawa ko.

Nilingon ko ang dalawang puppy's na nakatingin sa akin. "So you're the owner of Winter, welcome to Azure's house babies,"

I was smiling more when I saw their wagging tails and looked up to me, it was so cute that I want to pinch every second their faces.

Few hours later of playing the dogs when Azure's going down to the hidden stairs, with a serious face. "Let's talk."

"Spill it already, baka gabihin na ako sa daan-"

"Hindi na kita matu tulungan." Sambit nya na nakapag patigil sa akin magsalita at humarap sa kanya.

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Anong ibig mong sabihin?"

"I'll be back as a very busy person, I just help you one more time to have a break to yourself and be ready to talk to him,"

Umiling agad ako. "But I don't want to-"

"You have to." Pagpipilit nya. "Pitong taon ka nang tumatakbo palayo sa kanya. Pitong taon kana din nasasaktan at umaasa. Siguro naman ngayon may handa na syang paliwanag sayo."

"No, I don't want to and I'll run again if I need. Sya ang nang iwan nang walang pasabi sakin, sya ang kailangang lumapit sa akin para makapag paliwanag, hindi ako." Paglilinaw ko sa kanya.

It's just like he's being unfair to me, if he wants to talk to me after so many years.

"Makikinig kaba sa paliwanag nya?" Tanong nya na may halong sarkasmo doon na ipinagtaka ko.

"Bakit parang sa kanya kana kumakampi ngayon? You should be my side-"

"Krisha stop being selfish already!" He shouted at me. "It's already too much for years to forgive him. Alam natin pareho na hindi lang naman ikaw ang nasaktan sa inyo, he has a reason too! "

"F*** reasons! Palagi nyo na lang sinasabi yan pero kahit kailan na may alam kayo, wala naman kayong sinasabi sakin diba?! Ilang beses ko naba kayo tinanong dahil may kutob akong magkakilala kayo ni Lexord! Pero ni ikaw! Wala kang maski ano na sinasabi sa akin."

"That's why I wanted you to be ready! Hindi pwedeng ikaw na lang ng ikaw ang iintindihin namin! Put yourself in his shoe and you'll be the one who want to do the very safest option rather be with you." He said it to be with authority in his voice. "Please, I don't want to be one sided for the both of you, but don't let your anger or your past live with you, Krishiana. There's always a hope for your situation and find it. Stop running away or you will lose him."

"I already lose him years ago, it's not just I let him go. He already confessed that I'm a mistake and it's just a planned to hurt me." I already felt the tears who escape in my eyes. "So what do you want me to do? To move on and to move forward?" Natawa ako nang mahina. "And leaving me without any hints where he was but the other day you will saw him and told that I was just a toy like that huh? Iyon ba ang gusto mo? Fine! I'll be a fool for one last time if you want me to torture myself just because he is your best friend!" I shouted at him and started to walk out.

My tears just kept falling until I can't take it anymore. I tried to find my medicine and even drink it. Unconsciously, I was walking alone and didn't know what to do.

Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin at kung saan ang daan pauwi nang maramdaman kong nag vibrate ang cellphone ko. I looked at it and it was from unknown number. Pinindot ko ang cancel at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad.

Ilang minuto akong nakayuko maglakad nang maramdaman ko ang pagpatak ng ulan mula sa langit. Hanggang sa lumakas na nang lumakas kasabay nang pagtingala ko sa itaas.

'I just wish the water will heal my pain from my heart and stop this suffer to my life.'

I was kept walking until I was outside on the village. Umiiyak na tumingin ako sa high way at wala sa sariling tumawid sa gitna nang maalals ko ang mga pinagsasabi nya sa akin noon na syang ikinahina ko bago ako umalis.

'I was just using you, I really don't like or love you, it's impossible for me to have a mutual feelings for you.'

'You're nothing to me.'

I was starting to shout and even hold my head to stop the dizziness I felt and my vision was getting blurred. I still tried to stand up and welcome the fast car coming in front me.

Maybe this is what I'm waiting for. To stop my suffering from him and to stop the pain. Maybe this was my future, to live in the dark forever and never find my happiness.

Because if it's not him even if he hurt me many times, I would rather not to love others just to fulfill my happiness in my heart.

I tried to stand up with all my strength. I closed my eyes when the lights was starting to eat me.

Maybe, this was my ending

To be continued...