Chapter XXXII

To move on completely, one must relieve themselves off the memories of that person. So here you are now, on a lazy Sunday afternoon, with his clothes in your hands and a huge bag just waiting to be filled with his things. You were reluctant at first, and had no idea if you should just burn them down or donate it to charity, either way you will get rid of them once and for all.

You heave a sigh as you are reminded of the events that had taken place the other day. Had Jongin done that to put your head in a mess, then you commend him. You commend him for doing so, because he more than succeeded. You found it hard to sleep last night because of that kiss, and you wish that he didn't do such a feat, because now you have no idea how you can talk to him with a straight face if you ever cross paths again. You know that he's just helping you forget about Sehun, but you know that that kiss is just a mere distraction, and it did so little to help you out, because the moment you saw him walking away that day, you were once again filled with the memories you had with him.

You sit on the bed and fold his clothes in a careless fashion, wanting this to be done and over with. Your mind is once again filled with thoughts of him. Even when his friend did his best to make you forget, there's just something about Sehun that pulls you back to him.

After him, would you still want another man? A man who can paint the world of a different picture? A man who can show you how vivid the world can be seen through another pair of eyes? You wonder if you would ever want to feel what it would be like to be inside another man's arms, to let that someone else fill in his blanks. You have never dared question your feelings for him, because you were absolutely sure that you love him. Every trace of him was etched into your mind, every kiss, every touch, every exchange of warm smiles, it will forever be carved into your very soul. They were so distinct and so vivid, that you fear that you couldn't live a day without him. When you've learnt to connect with another person in a very affectionate manner, that person becomes a part of you – the very best part, and the very worst.

Suddenly you hear the doorbell ringing, and you ponder for a while if you should open the door, but when you remember how Baekhyun was always coming to you at this time of the day, you stand up, and put the clothes on the bed. You thought it best to give him Sehun's stuff so you don't have to deal with them anymore.

Lazily, you walk your way towards the front door, and the moment you open the door, you come face to face with the man that keeps on haunting you. Immediately, you push the door shut, with the thought of it slamming against his face, but Sehun was fast to push it back, and he immediately went inside and closed the door shut.

Seeing him standing right in front of you has left you speechless. It was the feeling of the rawness of unhealed wounds being ripped open once again, and it hurts now, more than it did when he left. Right now you feel so attacked, and the questions you had, you suddenly had the answers to.

You want nothing more than to see his leaving figure. The pain became unbearable for you, so unbearable, that you're willing to throw away everything you had with him, just to be rid of the pain.

You took in a couple of shaky breaths, trying your best to stay calm and collected, yet seeing how his gaze is locked into yours, luring you back to him, you just lost it.

"What are you doing here?"

Your question came off as a whisper, yet every word has left a soft tremor, and it left him crippled. You are both aware that your question has set a distance between you, a space that has made the tiny cracks of your broken souls turn into a gaping hole, and it can never be mended, only broken.

"I-"

Sehun was reluctant, and it was because of his reluctance that made everything so jarring and painful.

"I want you back." Sehun says, his face rid of all emotions, and you became silent for a long while. It was because of your silence that left him even more crippled.

Was he already too late?

A broken smile cracked through your face at his words. You scoff and look at him in the eyes,

"No." You reply bitterly. "I don't want you to be a part of my life anymore, Sehun."

"You can't do this to me. You can't push me away, and then come back because you wanted to. You have no right Sehun."

You watch how he furrows his brows, and how much hurt are inside his eyes, but you refuse to let that affect you.

"You have no right to toy with me."

It was of that moment that you've let all your emotions come out in waves. Little did you know that through those words, you have rendered him powerless. Yes, he left, and yes, he had hurt you, but hearing you say those words, had hurt him so deeply.

"Don't paint me out to be stupid after how you've treated our relationship. Did you think that I would want you back after what you did?"

You didn't give him time to talk back, for you know when he did, he will so easily melt your resolve.

"You can walk away and leave, isn't that what you do best?"

"Sweetheart." His voice is quiet and weak, but you refuse to look him in the eyes, so you turn the other way, and wait for him to leave.

"Are those my…" His voice trails off, and when you look at him, you see him eyeing your room, with a pile of his clothes on top of your bed, and his bag on the floor.

"I- I'll send them to Baekhyun oppa once I'm done, you can take it from him if you want your stuff back."

He was quiet for a while, but then he did his best to talk his way out, to somehow convince you to listen to him, and when you heard him begging, it made you weak and so very vulnerable.

"Sweetheart please, don't say that. Please give me another chance."

He pleads, but you did your best to keep still, and when the male sees the determination in your eyes, he heaves a sigh and looks at your face with a broken smile on his face. Sehun's body trembled, and as he bound to his feet on weak legs, he took another good look at you.

"I get it." He says weakly, his shoulders low, and his face filled with regret. The sun was slowly setting on your relationship, and he never thought that it would be this…painful.

The air is silent for a while as you patiently wait for his exit. You know you will regret this later on, but you can't have him in your life, only to get your heart broken once again. You can't take that much pain.

You watch him while he keeps his head on the ground, and you wonder how you can stand strong with him just a few inches from you.

"I'm a bastard." You hear him say. He must feel so bad now that you are officially ending things officially.

"I'm a fucking bastard." He says once again, a bitter smile plastered on his face.

"I thought you should know before I leave."

Slowly, he tilts his head up, and looks straight into your eyes.

"You deserve to know the truth after all."

"W-what do you mean?" Suddenly you feel so nervous, and he said those words once again, making every little thing clear for you.

"That's exactly what I am, sweetheart." He says. "A good for nothing bastard."

You are speechless for a while. All you know is that it hurt to hear him speak about himself this way, and it hurt all the more knowing that he carried this weight in his chest. It hurts to know that he never trusted you with such things – it hurts so damn much.

"I am a product of my mother's infidelity. I am not my father's son. That's why her husband hates her so much, that's why I was so afraid to tell you."

You can feel tears pooling your eyes, and you feel the need to reach for him, and take him inside your arms.

"I was selfish. I never want to tell you, because I was afraid I'll lose you once you found out." He heaves a heavy sigh and you have to bite your lip to control the urge to cry.

"All the people I know, the people who I thought were my friends, they left because of that, because I'm not the person they thought me to be. I'm not as rich as they thought I was, so they left, and I was afraid that you'll leave me too."

"I was so afraid sweetheart." Sehun whispered bitterly, realizing that his fear pushed him to do the very thing he was afraid of, and when it did, it was already too late for him.

Wearily, you stare at him, your eyes filled with longing, and a hunger so strong, that you can do nothing but cave in.

"You think I'll leave you because of that?" You said as tears fell freely from your eyes.

"How shallow do you think I am Sehun?" Your voice comes out loud and clear, and Sehun is mortified when he sees your state.

"Baby, please don't cry." He pleads, and he moves towards you with careful steps, afraid that you'll run away from him.

"God, you're so stupid Sehun. You're so fucking stupid!"

Just then, you feel his body against yours, and how his strong arms are wrapped around your body. You let him be, for you are too weak to even move away from the embrace. But being held like this, being inside his arms once again, you couldn't control your feelings, so you sob uncontrollably, while his embrace grew tighter and tighter.

"It's alright baby, everything's going to be alright." He says as he caresses your hair and you hug him back in earnest, wanting so much to feel his warm body against yours.

It was funny how he was the one telling these soothing words, when you should be the one to assure him that it will indeed be alright.

"I don't care about your money Sehun, I was never with you because of that." Wearily, you look up at him and look straight into his pained eyes.

"You can be the poorest guy on this planet and I'd still be with you."

Sehun wondered if you ever felt forced into being with him, if you found him to be too needy and reliant. When he made his decision to leave, he wants nothing more than to take his words back, but he stopped himself from doing so, because he knows that if he gave you the right to decide on your own, if he ever told you about his story, then he can never forgive himself if you were the one to leave. He was selfish, yes, but his heart can only take so much. He loved you too much, that the thought of you leaving him became too unbearable for him.

"Does that mean you still love me, even when I left you?" He asks his voice so unsure.

You nod your head slowly, a broken smile plastered on your lips.

"I do. I still do."

You watch as he slowly closes his eyes, a pained look plastered on his handsome face, and when he opens them once more, you see tears clouding his eyes.

"Take me back, sweetheart."

He hated himself for leaving. If he only knew how big your heart is, then he wouldn't have assumed that you will leave because of what you said was 'stupid'. When he saw you and Kai together, he couldn't stand it, he couldn't stand the thought of you loving someone else, of you being in someone else's arms. He wished he hadn't assumed things so easily, because he only made an ass of himself, and left him, and you broken.

��Please take me back."

Hearing him say these words, you know you want nothing more than to be inside his arms like this. You love him, and knowing his secret, it makes you love him even more. Now that you finally know, you will prove to him how true your words are, even if it takes you forever to convince him, because you do love him, you love him with all of your heart.