Saintcrow's Feeling

Kadie was roused out of bed early the next morning by someone pounding on the door. Slipping into her robe as she went, she hurried downstairs, wondering who it could be. No one ever came calling at Saintcrow's house. Belting her robe tightly, she opened the door.

"Jeremy, what are you doing here?" she exclaimed.

"The women sent me," he said, gasping for air.

"What's wrong?"

He held up his hand, then bent over, hands on his knees, while he caught his breath.

Kadie stared at him. It took only a moment to realize what had brought him here.

Straightening, he brushed a lock of hair out of his face. "Marti's missing," he said. "None of the women were up to the walk, so I volunteered to come and tell you."

"Missing?" she asked, feigning ignorance. "Are you sure?"

Jeremy nodded. "We've looked everywhere. No one's seen her since last night. You know what that means."

Kadie nodded. Everyone in town would assume that one of the vampires had killed her.

"I guess we'll never know which bloodsucker did it," Jeremy said bitterly.

"Does it really matter?" Kadie asked.

"No, I guess not." He glanced past her into the house. "Do you like it here?"

Kadie shrugged. "It's as good as anywhere else."

"What about Saintcrow? Is he treating you okay?"

"Yes. Better than I expected. When you go back to town, will you tell Rosemary and the others I'll be there as soon as I get dressed? Or you can wait, and I'll give you a lift."

"Thanks, that would be great. It's a long walk."

"I'd ask you in, but I'm not allowed to invite anyone inside. Sorry. I'll only be a minute." After closing and locking the door, Kadie hurried upstairs.

She dressed quickly in a pair of jeans and a sweater, tugged on socks and a pair of boots, ran a brush through her hair, and was out the front door fifteen minutes later.

Jeremy shook his head as he settled himself in the Corvette. "You sure hit the jackpot," he exclaimed, fastening his seat belt. "This car is sweet." He ran his hand over the dashboard. "And fast. Zero to sixty in less than four seconds."

"I wish I could let you drive it," Kadie said.

"Yeah, me too." He settled back in the seat, arms folded over his chest. "Like I said, you hit the jackpot. Living with the head vamp. Driving his car. None of the other bloodsuckers can feed off you. In this town, that's the brass ring."

"Is Lilith mean to you?"

"Mean? You have no idea. She's as mean as she is ugly." He tugged his shirt collar down, revealing several nasty-looking bites on the side of his neck. "She's an animal."

Kadie stared at the bite marks. Instead of neat holes, the marks were jagged and red.

"I've got bites in places I can't even show you. She doesn't bother to heal them and they're painful as hell. She doesn't like Cooper for some reason and now that Freeman's gone, I've become her favorite snack. She makes me do things, perverted, evil things . . ." He shook his head, his expression bitter. "I hope someone rips out her heart and she burns in hell."

"I'm so sorry," Kadie murmured. Casting about for a less gruesome subject, she asked, "What did you do before you came here?"

"I was engaged to be married, and studying to become an architect. I came out here for the weekend with a couple of buddies two summers ago. We got drunk and I guess we got separated. All I know is, when I came to, I was here. Alone."

"I'm sorry." The words were inadequate, but what else could she say? She wished she could tell him there was hope, that she might be able to persuade Saintcrow to let him go, but she had sworn not to reveal that Saintcrow had freed Marti and Carl, and if there was one thing she had learned, it was that it was impossible to keep secrets from Saintcrow.

"You can just let me off at my house," Jeremy said. "The ladies said they'd meet you in the library."

"Thanks. Why don't you come with me?"

He shook his head. "I need to get some rest while I can. Lilith will be wanting me as soon as the sun goes down."

Kadie nodded sympathetically, waved good-bye after dropping him off, then drove to the library. After shutting off the engine, she sat in the car a few moments, gathering her thoughts.

When she went in, Brittany waved at her from behind the desk. "Terrible thing about Marti," she said, her voice hushed.

Kadie nodded, then went into the conference room. Brittany followed her and quietly closed the door. All the town's women were there, including Frankie.

Rosemary's cheeks were tracked with tears. "She's dead, Kadie," she said, sobbing. "Marti's dead."

Kadie laid her hand on Rosemary's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. How could she do this? How could she let these women, who had known Marti far longer than she had, think their friend had been killed by a vampire? She suddenly hated Rylan Saintcrow for making her live a lie, and for causing these women unnecessary grief.

Listening as they shared memories of Marti, she was tempted to tell them the truth, that Marti was alive and well and home with her family. But then she looked at Rosemary, who had been here for twenty years, and at the others. Brittany had been here for almost as long. Would it be fair to admit that she had convinced Saintcrow to let Marti go? Would it give them hope for their own freedom? Would they expect her to do the same for them, and hate her when she couldn't?

She was glad when the gathering broke up.

Returning to the car, she sat behind the wheel for several moments before pulling away from the curb. As she drove toward Saintcrow's lair, her gaze was drawn to the mountains. It was a beautiful day. She had nothing to do. Why not go exploring?

On a long stretch of road, she put the pedal to the metal and found out why Saintcrow loved this car. Going zero to sixty in under four seconds felt like flying, but it was nothing compared to zooming down the road with the speedometer hovering near ninety. She had never driven that fast in her life and her good sense quickly took over. Saintcrow might survive an accident at that speed. She most certainly wouldn't.

She took a road that veered to the right and found herself in a part of the town she had never seen before. Vaughan had told her it had once been a cattle town, and here was the proof. After parking the car, she got out to stretch her legs. The place looked like an old western movie set, she thought, glancing around. There was a saloon, a telegraph office, a hotel. The buildings were in sad shape, roofs sagging, doors askew, the wood gray with age. The jail, made of red brick, had fared better, although the door was missing. Beyond the town, she spied what remained of a few corrals.

Picking her way across the rough ground, she peeked inside the dilapidated buildings, surprised to find furniture inside the hotel, or what was left of it. Animals had obviously taken refuge inside. The sofa pillows had been shredded, the insides used for nests. A faded picture of a naked woman hung over the bar in the saloon.

She tried to imagine what it must have been like to live there in the 1800s. No movies. No satellite radio. No electricity. No sports cars. Doing laundry by hand. Cooking on a woodstove.

"Definitely not for me," she decided.

Leaving the town behind, she walked toward the mountains. She hadn't been here before, but as long as she was, she might as well see if she couldn't find a way out.

She followed several trails. All were dead ends. She tried climbing a winding path that led toward the summit, but it grew increasingly narrow until it disappeared. Pausing to catch her breath, she stared upward. She had been foolish to think she could climb to the top before dusk. And even if she managed to reach the summit before sundown, what then? It would be dark soon and as badly as she wanted to leave this place, she wasn't foolish enough to wander around out here after dark. There could be wild animals. Snakes. And who knew what else?

With a sigh of resignation, she turned back, a sudden unease urging her to hurry. She began to run, unmindful of the brush that snagged her clothing and scratched her skin.

She glanced over her shoulder, her gaze darting right and left, her panic growing. Was that a vampire, or a shadow? The cry of a night bird, or the wail of some earthbound spirit?

She sobbed with relief when she reached the safety of the car. She locked the doors, turned the key in the ignition, hit the lights.

And screamed.

Saintcrow loosed a pithy oath as he changed from a mass of swirling gray mist to his own form, opened the passenger door, and slid into the seat.

Kadie stared at him, her face pale, her eyes wide. "I thought you were a ghost."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you."

She pressed a hand to her heart. "Gee, I'm out here in the middle of nowhere, in the dark, alone," she remarked sarcastically. "Why would I be frightened?"

"What the hell are you doing out here, alone, anyway?"

"Just sightseeing."

"Not much to see," he mused, glancing around. "A few dilapidated old buildings and a couple of empty corrals."

"There aren't a lot of entertainment choices here. You can only watch so many movies, or read so many books, you know." She glanced out the side window, thinking that she had a lot more sympathy for animals forced to live out their lives in zoos. No matter how big or beautiful a cage might be, it was still a cage.

"Is that how you think of this place? As a cage?"

"You might not keep us behind bars," Kadie said bitterly, "but we're still just animals for you and the other vampires to prey on." She slid a glance at his face, recoiled at the fury smoldering in his eyes.

Folding his arms across his chest, he said, "Drive."

She kept her gaze on the road, afraid to look at him again. The words, Don't bite the hand that feeds you, kept running through her mind. Making Saintcrow angry was just stupid. Her life, and the lives of the men and women in town, depended on his goodwill. Things in town could get a lot worse if he decided to stop providing them with food and drink. He didn't have to heat their homes, buy them new clothes, or supply them with new books and movies to help pass the time.

He didn't have to let them live.

All he had to do was withdraw his protection and they would be at the mercy of the other vampires.

She pulled into the driveway and turned off the ignition, then sat there, her eyes closed, her hands gripping the wheel, as she waited for him to say something.

Minutes passed.

When she opened her eyes, he was gone.

With a sigh, she went into the house and locked the door. Then, feeling uneasy, she turned on all the lights in the living room. A quick glance showed he was nowhere in sight. Where had he gone? Why had he been so angry?

"Just like a man," Kadie grumbled. "Can't handle the truth." Sitting on the sofa, she kicked off her shoes, then leaned back. Did he truly not understand how she and the others felt about being trapped in this place? Was she supposed to be grateful that he allowed her to live? Maybe he'd understand better if he'd ever been locked up.

A shimmer in the air, and he was beside her. "You think I don't know what it's like?" He stretched his legs out in front of him. "I've been locked up, Kadie, in a hole so deep and dark that no light penetrated. I was captured for a time during the Crusades. My only food was moldy bread and warm water, and I was glad to get it."

"I'm sorry, but a prison is still a prison."

He nodded. "Perhaps. But I would have given a year of my life for one day in a house like this, and another year for a hot bath and a decent meal. You think you and the others are being mistreated because I keep you here?" Standing, he removed his shirt, then turned his back to her.

Kadie gasped. From his shoulders to his waist, every inch of his skin was covered with a web of scars. Some were so faint as to be almost invisible. She had never noticed them before, but then, they always made love at night, often in the dark. The only one she'd been aware of was the long, ridged scar that ran from his shoulder to his waist.

He turned to look at her, his expression implacable. "I told you before. I need the women here. It isn't safe for us to hunt outside right now." He slid his arms into the sleeves of his shirt.

"You go outside."

He shrugged. "I'm older, stronger. Smarter."

"You care about the other vampires, don't you?"

He lifted one brow.

"If you didn't, you wouldn't worry about them."

He moved to the hearth, stood there, one arm braced on the mantel, staring at the coals. A fire sprang to life.

"You worry about them. I know you do. Why won't you admit it?"

Keeping his back to her, he said, very quietly, "I've spent nine hundred years trying not to care. On the outside, vampires are very territorial. We rarely share space. What we have here is unusual for our kind, and it only works because they don't have to hunt for prey. There's no competition, no worry about where to hide the bodies. As for humans . . . They live such a short time. If you stay with them, eventually you have to bury them." He shook his head. "Imagine how many women I could have watched wither and die if I'd allowed myself to fall in love."

Kadie stared at his back. People always said they wanted to live forever but suddenly it didn't seem like such a great idea.

She sat there for several moments, wanting to comfort him, but not knowing if her touch would be welcome.

Finally, she went to him. Hesitating a moment, she slid her arms around his waist and laid her cheek against his back. "I'm sorry, Rylan."

For a moment, his whole body went rigid. And then he turned and wrapped her in his embrace. He held her for a long time, one hand stroking up and down her back, his forehead pressed against hers.

"Kadie?"

It wasn't a question, not really.

But she knew what he wanted. What she wanted.

Taking him by the hand, she led him up to her room and closed the door, shutting out the rest of the world.

"You don't have to do this," Saintcrow said.

"I know." She squeezed his hand. "I want to." Moving closer, she clasped her hands behind his neck. "I think you need it."

"What makes you think that?"

"What makes you think you don't?"

"Are you reading my mind now?"

"I don't have to. You've spent centuries ignoring your emotions, pretending you don't care. Pretending that you can't risk loving anyone." She brushed her lips across his. "You can love me, Rylan. I'm young and healthy. I won't leave you for a long time. And when I start to grow old, you can let me go so you won't have to watch."

He gazed into her eyes, his mind probing hers, searching for the truth. With a shake of his head, he folded her into his arms and buried his face in the wealth of her hair. He was a vampire, a monster who preyed on others to sustain his own life.

What had he ever done to deserve her?

And how would he ever let her go?