AS I BURNED THE SHIPS.

I laid awake staring at the ceiling almost all night. I eventually fell asleep at 4a.m. everything seemed calm from the view from my window. It's sorta ironic since everything else is in knots in my life.

I walked out the balcony and sat down crossing my legs. I let out a deep breath as I leaned on the wall. I closed my eyes for a second and I saw that beautiful, beguiling smile. Avery.

I opened my eyes and ran a hand through my hair, letting all memories just flow through my mind. It was my last day.

"What do you think you're doing?" Avery raised her eyebrow at me. I was making paper planes out of the Chemistry book pages. "What!" I exclaimed, "Am I the only one who thinks this is dumb." "And boring."

"Come on Peter, we have to pass this test or we won't graduate." She told me. "Ugh! Fine." I groaned, "Now undo those pages." She said.

Her voice faded away slowly in my head. I chuckled. I stared at the view once more before I went back inside. I had to get ready. I want to spend my day well today, really well.

I opened my drawer in search for my air pods but I didn't find them instead I found a charm bracelet. It had silver shells, little stars and moons on it. I frowned because it wasn't something I'd like to remember.

"Hahaha.." Lucy laughed as I tickled her foot. "Peter, you better stop that right noo.....haha...ow." She laughed falling back on the sand. I stared down at her as the gleaming, orange beam of sunlight hit her face.

"Don't tickle me ever again." She said under her breath. I smiled and kissed her forehead, "I love you Lucy." "I love you too Peter." She smiled.

She got up and took off her charm bracelet and she put it on my hand. "What are you doing?" I asked her, "For nostalgia." She giggled. "Lucy." I said. "Even when we're not together anymore. You can keep it. I know I won't wanna forget our adventure." She told me.

Her laughter echoed in my head and then discreetly faded away. I sighed and put the bracelet back in the drawer. I heard a door knock so I went and sat on my bed. "It's open." I yelled.

My dad came in. I sighed, "What do you want?" "Are you really the one to keep sighing at me?" he asked. "It's unfair what it is."

"Dad." Is all I managed to say. I had no energy, I was drained with all the flashbacks already. "Son, all I want is the best for you. Europe will be a great opportunity for you." He said. "I know. But you're not listening dad. I love basketball and I got into that school using energy and time. I earned it. I want to go there. I am going there." I told him.

He sighed and held his waist, "Peter." "If you ever change your mind." "I won't dad. It's a promise." I said. "I'm also sorry. I was very upset when I learned of this. You just did everything on your own and I didn't like being in the back seat." He told me.

"I'm sorry too dad. But I knew you wouldn't let me apply if I told you. I had to keep it from you." I said. He nodded, "Well, you did go through all the trouble so I'm going to give you a chance. Your grades better be freakin' fantastic, okay?" he told me.

I laughed, "Don't worry dad." "Or else I'm gonna fly you back here myself." He said and smiled. He stretched his arms out signalling a hug. I gave him a hug and finally felt better.

I didn't like that we argued after they'd found out about Icon. At least now I can leave in peace. He broke off the hug and smiled at me. "The offer will always stand for you son." He said and left.

I threw myself back in bed.

I woke up later in the afternoon and decided to do what I was supposed to do since morning. I'd been stalling because I was scared. I grabbed my phone and dialled Avery's number.

It rang for like two minutes then she picked up. "Hello!" I said, "Hey, Peter." She said sounding distant. I couldn't help it but feel that she was uncomfortable.

I was too but I couldn't just leave it like this. Just one last time. One more time. "Um..." I cleared my throat, "Where are you right now?" I asked. "I'm at Ronnie's." She replied.

"Okay. Is Beth with you?" I asked her, "Mh-hm." She said. "Well." I sighed, "I want to see you Avery." "Peter I...." She said. "Before you say anything just hear me out. I just want talk. Last time." "I won't bother you anymore." I said.

"Westby Carnival." I said, "Later." "Okay, I'll be there." She said. "See you then." I said and hung up.

I waited for Lucy for what seemed like forever. It wasn't supposed to be easy. But I couldn't keep on lying to her. My thoughts and my heart are always somewhere else.

"Hey!" She said perky which sent an arrow through my heart knowing that I'm gonna wipe that grin right off her beautiful face. She kissed me on the cheek and sat down.

"So, what'd you wanna talk about?" she smiled. "Listen, Lucy. This is not easy for me to say and I hope that you won't hate me for this." I told her.

"What is it Peter?" she asked. "You are absolutely amazing and I love you. I really do, but I can't keep on doing this. I'm in love with someone else Lucy." I told her.

I watched her as she swallowed hard, the pain slowly manifesting in her gaze. My heart sank. "You're amazing Lucy. Any guy would be lucky to have you. But that guy isn't me, I failed. I couldn't be with you while my heart was somewhere else." I said.

"It's okay, Peter. Don't be sorry. At least you were honest. Some guys would just see someone behind your back." She said.

"I understand. I wouldn't wanna hold on to you if it meant hurting you. I couldn't bear that. Thank you." She stood up. I pulled her into a hug. She broke it off, "I love you." She said and wiped a tear off her cheek and sprint away.

I got startled awake. I fell asleep. I checked the time and it was 6p.m. I sighed. Another flashback. I groaned. It better be the last one. I hit the showers.

I got out half an hour later and got dressed then I checked the time. It was 6:30p.m. so I went downstairs, the spiral staircase still made me dizzy.

I went to the kitchen and grabbed the left over pizza from last night. My friends threw me a going away party even though I literally begged them not to but they took any excuse to throw a party especially at my house.

I heated the pizza piece and ate it in one setting. I walked out and decided to start for the carnival. It wasn't far from home but I wanted to get some air.

On my way I met a stray dog, he was lying on the ground. Maybe he was sick or something. I crouched down and gave him a rub. "Hey boy, what's wrong? Hmm."

I took out some sweets I had in my pocket and I gave them to him. He sniffed them for a while before licking them from my hand. "You like that?" I asked him, "Well, I don't have any more buddy." I said.

I rubbed his head and he stood up, "Oh! You were just hungry." I chuckled. "Well those sweets have enough sugar to get you where you're going."

Then he ran away. "Yeah, me too buddy." I kept on walking and placed my hands in my pockets. I wished I could go with the dog. I sighed and looked at the sunset.

I arrived at the carnival by sun down. The lights were extremely blinding. There were a lot of people there as always. I began looking for Avery, I hadn't called her since afternoon.

I don't even know where we're supposed to meet exactly. My phone started buzzing in my pocket and I got startled out of my thoughts. I took it out, it was Avery.

"Hey, where are you? I'm here." She said when I picked up. "Um, where exactly?" I asked, "The carnival." She replied. "I mean like...spot." I said, "By the ferris wheel." She replied.

"Got it!" I said and she hung up. I headed to the ferris wheel. It was a bit far from where I was so I picked up the pace. Didn't want to upset her anymore than she already was.

I arrived at the wheel and I scanned the area and then I saw her. She was seated in one of the cars with her head down so she couldn't see me. The car was at a lower height so I was able to get on.

"Sorry to keep you waiting." I said sitting down next to her. "It's fine. It's only been 30seconds." She chuckled. "I wanted to take a walk. Get some air." I said. "Air's good." She said facing the other way.

The cars began moving and she quietly gasped since she was startled. The movement was unexpected. "Are you okay?" I asked, "Yeah." She nodded.

"Beautiful." She said still not facing me, I turned to the view as the car moved gradually higher. "Isn't it?" she said again, I turned my gaze and watched her from the side. She was even more beautiful now.

"Yeah." I said holding my gaze at her, she turned "You're not even looking." She said. "I wasn't talking about the view." I said. She stared at me for a while then back to the view.

"Avery I..." She cut me off, "Peter can we just pretend for just tonight that none of us knows anything and just have a good time." I stared at her and I couldn't decide if she was trying to avoid the real reason or she just wants a time out.

I nodded, "Yeah sure. Okay." Then she kept on looking at the view. The car was now nearer to the ground meaning that the ride was nearly over.

"Hey, look at that!" she said pointing down, "What is it?" I asked. "Hmm....it's either a giant rat or a really ugly dog." She said and we both laughed. "A giant rat really?" I asked, "Haha, yeah." She said. We got off the ride and began walking, "So where to next?" I asked her. "Um." She said.

"I'm a bit hungry let's grab a snack." She said. Then we hit the food bar where she ate like five hot dogs and I, well I wasn't really hungry. I just got a drink.

On our way out, she grabbed some cotton candy too. "Avery, are you sure about that? Remember last time." I told her. "Ohh, Peter. It's gonna be fine. Sugar rush is for five year olds'." She said.

We got on another ride, the merry go around, well just Avery. I just stood there and watched her having fun. She looked so happy like when you're a kid and your mom finally takes you to the carnival for your birthday.

She quickly got off and I didn't even see her. I was busy with my thoughts. She shoved past me, "Avery?" I called. "Come on!" she yelled running away. "Hey, wait up!" I yelled.

I stopped by the knock the bottles booth to hold my breath. "Mann! How much candy did you eat?" I gasped. "Hoo!" I held my knees, "I need to sit down."

"Hey, Peter come on!" she yelled disappearing in the crowd. "Wait. Coming!" I yelled back, "Stan will kill me if I lose their daughter." I chuckled under my breath. What am I saying? It's like I'm babysitting.

I had caught up to her later on and she finally calmed down. I got her to drink water and sit down at a bench near the bathrooms. Horrible spot. But I had no choice, or else she would've kept running.

"Okay! Let's go again!" she yelled, "Avery, finish your water." I told her. "You needed the exercise chubby Charlie." She laughed. "What! I work out." I said defensive, "Sometimes." I mumbled.

"You were running on purpose." I said, and she nodded "Yup!" "I needed it." "Yeah, I guess I did too. Thanks." I told her. "Anytime, buddy." She put her hand on my knee and smiled at me.

"Avery." I started. "Mh?" she said, "I'm leaving for college." I said. She laughed, and I stared at her "Isn't everyone." "Tomorrow." I said. "What?" she said.

"My flight is tomorrow Avery." I said, "It's why I wanted to talk to you. To say goodbye." I said. "Do the others know?" she asked. I shook my head, "I'll tell them tomorrow just before I go."

She sighed, "Peter, I'm sorry!" "No, Avery." I said. "Don't do this." "No Peter. Listen I really am sorry because of what I said at the beach. You can't really control how you feel." She told me. "Today was great. I got to see you. It's all I wanted." I said, all this time we both held our gazes at each other. I fought through the urge to kiss her.

I didn't come here to put her in a difficult situation. I came to say goodbye.

We walked quietly as we approached her house. "We're here." She said, "Finally." She laughed nervously. "All this goodbye stuff is weary."

"Um...so what time is your flight?" she asked. "4p.m." I replied, "Okay." She said. "Guess this is it." She said as we approached the porch. "I guess." I said, "I'm gonna miss you Peter." She said tears flowing from her eyes.

Come on, Avery. This is already super hard right now, don't make it worse. Why are you crying? I can't tell you that the school's summer orientation is optional and that I'm only going so that I can move on.

She pulled me into a hug. I held her tight, I didn't want to let go. I closed my eyes as I took in the moment. I sighed out loud and broke off the hug. She sniffled and rubbed off her tears.

"Goodnight!!" I said, and she just stared at me so I turned around to walk away. "Peter." She called and I turned. "Yeah." I said.

"I......I..." She stuttered and I stared at her in confusion. "Goodnight." She finally said, I smiled. "Anything else?" I asked, "No." She smiled. I nodded and turned and began walking away.

Those words I wanted to hear so much, now I hope you never say them. I don't want you to say anything Avery. Just because I'm leaving and you'll miss me, or in a sense of feeling sorry for me.

I know Beth told you everything and now you feel bad because you broke my heart at the beach. I know it's hard for you to trust anyone and how hard it was for you to be friends with me.

You're not ready and I understood. Now I don't want you to make a decision before that. I'll always love you even after I do move on. You're the first person that I've loved this way. It won't be easily forgotten.

You'll decide when you're ready even if it's not with me. I just want you to be happy.