Surprise Adoption

The sky was covered up by grey clouds, the air was humid and smelled like wet earth... This wasn't something I was used to, Fuyuki had mostly clear skies even in the winter.

But enough of that, I wasn't really affected by the change in temperature or scenery and was pressed for time as it was.

So I won't waste time complaining, instead I'll do what I came here and be back at the airport in time for my flight to London.

But I guess the air being stale and the people being dicks because I speak in English is something I should've expected from the French.

It's almost sad they think of themselves like they're so great and superior with how the rest of the world seems to view them.

But it's alright, I'll forgive them since I'm such a great person.

"Cortana, you're sure this is the place?" I asked curiously, looking around the place I'd arrived at after following her directions.

It was a Church, like any other, surrounded by a brick wall with a paved path leading to the main doors and grass on either side... It was nothing special but at the same time, nothing to scoff at either.

"Affirmative. The satellite I accessed confirms the presence of Caren Hortensia, CCTV camera footage confirms this further." The AI reported plainly, "Yesterday, I spotted her hanging clothes out to dry and scrubbing the pavement you stand on."

Woah, what?

"Isn't she 8?"

"Yes."

Huh.

Why was an eight year old scrubbing pavement?

I scratched the top of my head, "And then they get mad when people call them out for being... well, what they are."

With Kirei, and now with this dick rando priest, I think the Church's really earned it's current reputation, at least in this world.

"I do not see the problem. I am barely a month."

"It's not the same thing, Cortana."

Taking a deep breath, I pulled back my leg and kicked open one of the two wooden doors to the Church... or I was about to at least.

Unfortunately, my attention was drawn to a little girl with grey hair peering at me with curious golden eyes. She wore a simple black gown, and was holding a number of plastic bags that looked a little too heavy for a kid.

I would know, I'm one myself.

"Whatcha got there?" I asked with a small smile.

"Groceries, Father ordered me to bring them from the market. I'm sorry, we don't have alms for poor people." The girl spoke monotonously, in a tone similar to Cortana.

But, pause.

She just called me a brokie.

"I just bought this yesterday." I pinched the fabric of my shirt, tugging at it, "It was expensive too."

Well, not really, but I don't really care about expensive clothes.

Why would I spend money that could be going to materials for my creations on clothes?

"Yes." The girl nodded, "And the Lord is proud of you for working to attain what you want, even if it came from a thrift store."

...My God, she's so rude.

"Did nobody teach you manners?"

"My mother is dead and my father abandoned me... What do you think?" She looked me up and down once, "I'm sure you can relate."

Guys, I think I'm in love.

Wait, wait, no, she's eight.

But, this confirms it, this is Caren Hortensia.

The daughter of Kirei Kotomine and Claudia Hortensia, who got abandoned by her father after her mother died and then grew up under the 'care' of a priest until she was baptized and handed over to the Catholic Church's Citeaux Abbey.

I am going to enjoy the look on Kirei's face so much.

But, remember kids, Shinjiberg always has an agenda that goes beyond plain dickheadedness.

Caren Hortensia has the potential to act as a vessel for Deities too and I need experimental data for my eventual crusade against the Sumerian Pantheon... If I want to survive what's coming for me next, I need to make something at least capable of combating Gods.

"What do you think about adoption?" I proposed blankly, not beating about the main subject.

Caren just narrowed her eyes, "Why?"

"I like you. I want you in my family."

Oh wait... fuck.

She looked me up and down again before wrapping her arms around her body, "Oh Father in heaven, relieve this lost child of his rancid beastly thoughts and safeguard my purity."

Dear Caren, please jump off a cliff.

"What? No. I'll have you know, my answer to pedophiles was a nuke." I spoke proudly, bumping my chest.

"Then you need to point one at yourself."

...

Wasn't she supposed to do this with people she was close to?

But, you're messing with the wrong guy today, girlie.

Bet.

"I guess this is what no education does to someone." I sighed, looking at the poor child with my dark eyes full of pity, "I'm sorry daddy left and you got abused."

In response, Caren put both her hands together in prayer, "Dear Lord, do not blame this lost child for his words, he thinks he's standing in front of a mirror."

I pursed my lips, you know what, I don't keep vendettas against anyone under ten... since I'm such a good person and all.

"You're praying wrong." I spoke out.

"I'm sure you are the one fully qualified to correct me."

"See this is why your dad abandoned you."

"This is why..." Caren stopped short, lost for words.

I win, bit-

She then lowered her head, bowing as her little form trembled.

Huh, there's no need to go that far.

"I-I'm sorry, Father. My tongue slipped."

What? I can't believe it worked, the last time I said it she just skimmed over it like it didn't bother her at all.

"What brings you here, son?"

I got my answer for her behaviour when fingers dug under my shoulder blades provoking a wince and a small hiss... I glanced backwards and saw a polite looking man with short, greying hair wearing round glasses and the typical priest robe.

This fucker.

This is not how you treat innocent shotas.

He shoved me aside and stomped up to Caren, smacking her across the face, "I told you to control that tongue!"

The eight year old child fell to the side, sprawling the heavy groceries she was carrying all over the pavement, "You'll clean that up too. Go pray now."

"Y-Yes, of course."

...Let it be known that Shinjiberg does not approve of child abuse.

I can only wonder about how he treated her up till now seeing how used she seems to this.

So, as a reasonable person, I walked up to him as the nanomachines in my body moved to hand and hardened to mimic rocks. Then I kicked him in the knee, catching him off guard and slapped him across the face hard enough to crack his jaw.

"What the hell is wrong with you, man?" I couldn't help but ask.

The priest looked up at me in shock, holding his bleeding cheek, "H-How dare you? A-Are you... angry over this thing?"

This is supposed to be a devout man of God, charged with a Church.

It's not often that I find myself shocked, being the genius that I am.

"How can you... call a kid a thing?"

"She's a bastard born to a monster out of wedlock. And it's a girl. What do you expect me to do?"

...Maybe I didn't hit him hard enough.

"Tell me you sent her to school at least." I spoke blankly, the nanomachines in my body swirling in response to this man's lack of survival instinct.

"An... unnecessary expenditure. The child of a monster needs no education."

Goddammit you fuck, lie.

Lie to me.

"The Son shall not bear the guilt of the Father. I'm pretty sure that was in your Bible."

"The son..." The priest repeated my words, "You're a naive boy. She... is wicked like her father."

...Damn.

I reached into my pocket, pulled out and unfolded a piece of paper, an adoption form, and threw it in his face.

It's just a formality at this point, Cortana doesn't need written proof to make the necessary documents.

"Sign it." I glanced over at a silent Caren.

She's taking this all with a familiar poker face... but I also know she's nothing like Sakura.

She doesn't see a problem with his words, because it's all she knows... but, her fists are clenched.

This is the 21st century and they don't live away from civilization, she knows what a family's supposed to be like.

I appreciate that she's smart enough to understand she doesn't need to defend her abuser.

"W-What makes you thin-"

I smacked him across the face again, "I don't imagine your higher ups will react kindly when I..." I pulled out my phone, "Make this a public scandal. People are bored in the 21st century."

"They'll understa-"

I slapped him again, "You know they won't. Shut up. You deprived a child of basic human rights from a vendetta against her father. You think the actual devout members of your Church will let you live after this gets out? Sign the form."

He glared at me, not speaking again and looking down at the form instead, "P...Pen."

I threw one in his face.

After I was sure he filled it out and looked it over once, I kicked him in the gut while he was down and walked away, "Come on, Caren. You're part of the Matou family now."

I know shitheads like him, he won't let this get out... His ego won't allow him to tell anyone he got his shit kicked in by a literal shota.

The eight year old child looked at me blankly before holding a hand out, "Bank account."

Dear Caren, you're eight, stop trying to look strong.

I chuckled and tossed her my phone, "Show her my bank balance."

Cortana's been funnelling money into the Matou account from a number of pyramid schemes for a while now so I don't think it should be a small amount.

Caren caught it and nodded, "Fine."

Thank god, she would've been a pain in the ass if I got here after her child soldier indoctrination was complete.

"You know you're smiling right?" I glanced at her as I walked away, pulling a perfect Shirou.

The girl paused and started touching her face with both hands, "W-What? No, I'm not."

Kirei, I've got you now.

She followed after me with a ducked head, "...Softie."

"S…Shut up, I mutilated that man in front of a kid. I'm a pro dickhead."

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Hope you enjoyed.

Bribe me for extra chap.

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So turns out, writing in first person is WAY easier than third person... and here I was thinking it was the opposite. I've been pumping out over 4k words for this daily so far.

And uh... this might be a bit presumptuous but I wanted to try writing a work about a Dragon Communion Priest in ASOIAF which would be his second reincarnation. 

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You can find up to 8 chapters ahead at patre0n.com/Bleap

A few behind but only till Sunday.