C2: Celebrity Status

A/N: Would it be too much to say I wanna be the Narvent of writing in this generation?

Also, reviews, please? Pretty please, with a cherry on top?

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Most Isekai start with the protags waking up on an unfamiliar bed, staring at a white ceiling that really has no business being that clean…

Mine starts a little differently, and by that I mean the ceiling is a level of dirty away from belonging in a prison, with cobwebs in all four corners of the ceiling. The paint—peeling and damp due to leakage in the plumbing system most likely—somehow managed to look worse than the temple and the various closet-sized student hostels I grew up in as a child.

"Did I pass out?" I wonder, 'Must've breathed in too much cursed dusts.'

"They really need to up the maintenance around here."

Usually, I'm not picky about housing,

A beggar can't be a chooser, after all.

But I draw the line at bioluminescent fungi covering half the ceiling…

"I would," A voice suddenly calls for my attention—dark and threatening, despite how monotone his tone is. "But the donations have been drying up recently. Few look to God for solutions nowadays."

"Well," I click my tongue and snort deprecatingly. "They have a new God now. It's called 'money'."

"Such a materialistic way to look at the world, your Highness."

The doomsday priest—Kotomine Kirei himself chides, almost disapprovingly of my comment. "It is what it is." I chuckle, sitting up in a motion. "What's with this 'Highness' business?"

"The Queen of Heroes has taken you in,"

The priest pushes the folded clothes in my direction. It's an outfit similar to his, and very obviously oversized judging from how loose the sleeves are.

"I can only assume she wishes to take you under her wings for whatever reasons, hence your Highness."

He explains cautiously, his gaze lingering on my torso. Jokingly, I cover myself, throwing Kirei a pinched and suspicious look. "I know all about the stereotype, and no, I don't wish to partake."

Unflinching glare stabbing at my face, Kirei mumbles. "I don't either."

My lips purse. "That's debatable. Kotomine Kirei, was it?"

A glint of curiosity shines in his cold, dark and empty eyes. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I have not introduced myself to you, have I?"

"You did!"

"I did?"

"Yes, you did."

Gaslighting people is fun, it's even better when the ones I am doing it to are Supernatural who can very easily slap my head off like a dropped watermelon.

Call it recklessness, but poking the sleeping bear is an art that should never be allowed to disappear.

"I did not."

Kirei responds, simmering slightly. With how… Dead his facial expression is, it's quite the challenge to read him, but the Kotomine Kirei I'm facing isn't the predate-loving older version.

It's a much younger priest who is far less experienced in disguising his emotions and intentions.

In layman's term, he has a tell—his hands, bulging with veins. I'm almost certain if not for the threat of getting turned to a bloody mush by the 'King' of Heroes for ruining her new toy, the priest would be throttling me as we speak. "Are you sure?"

Still, I continue to press his buttons.

"Quite…"

"I must be quite special, then."

I say, wagging my fingers as I gather the clothes. These won't fit, but considering the inhabitants of the Fuyuki Church, it isn't out the realm of expectations. "Will the 'special one'—" Kirei stresses purposefully, just short of calling me daft. "Hurry to the bathroom? It's impolite to meet royalties dirty, and I'd suggest not leaving her Majesty to wait. It'll not end well for either of us."

"Right, right—" I jump off the creaking bed, stretching lazily. "Lead the way, 'Man of Faith.'"

"Follow me."

Kirei gestures, his overcoat fluttering behind like the wings of a bat.

With that temperance and style, in another life, he'd have made a wonderful Batman.

Gingerly, I trail behind him, eyes discreetly swerving left and right. Although Gilgamesh seems to like me enough, Kirei is both a wild card, and can be extremely underhanded when it fits his needs.

It's best I keep my guard up.

The 'King' of Heroes I can predict to a point, him, however… "Nice place."

I'm sure the Church of Fuyuki must've been beautiful at one time, but it is now a crumbling structure that reflects perfectly the twisted and, some may argue, 'insane' mindsets of the three new residents.

Yes, I included myself in the equation.

I'm self-aware enough to know I'm not perfectly there.

The fall to my death probably knocked some senses out of my Soul too.

"It has definitely seen better days, your Highness." He practically spits through gritted teeth. "Here we are. The heater is out, but please do enjoy your shower."

"Ah, that's fine. I love a cold shower in the morning. Chases away the drowsiness."

I grin cheekily at the priest, whose face seems to sour at the news.

"Please, be quick. Her Majesty and I will wait for you in the dinning hall."

He walks away, mumbling underneath his breath. "I'm sure you already know the way, since you're so 'special', your Highness."

The sight makes my heart and the S blood in me sing with joy. 'Two sadists walk into a bar…' Throwing the door open, I slam it shut and near the mirror.

The reflection which greets me isn't my own, it's that of a boy with hair shades darker than my brown locks, and eyes so green I'd think they are emeralds put into those eye-sockets. "The color is uneven, though." I muse. If these were truly emeralds, I doubt they'd fetch a very high price in the market, but it's quite the color to see in someone's eyes.

I was by no mean ugly before, average perhaps, but to compare this kid with me is like comparing cow-dungs with an overpriced bouquet on Valentine. The best part is: It does not feel artificial, somehow. Back on my Earth, it's rather easy to tell who has had cosmetic works done unless they've sunk millions upon millions of dollars to hide the signs. Even then, it's a gamble, really…

Most people have seen pictures of a botched surgery at least once in their lifetime, and it ain't pretty.

This face, however, has a softness to it that artificial means just can't quite replicate. Come to think of it, every person I've met up until this point can only be described as the pinnacle of attractiveness.

Even Kirei and Kiritsugu are quite handsome, no homo, of course.

As for Gilgamesh, there is truly no word that can quite capsulate her beauty in the human languages. 

None that I am aware of, anyways.

'This version of Humanity is probably more attractive than their counterpart, in general.' Us Prime-Earthlings really got the shorter end of the stick in comparison to the Infinite Earths, huh? It was almost as if we picked every single bad Traits in an RPG and decided to wing it for content like an Ultra-Difficulty Project Zomboid Playthrough… "Whatever, it's in the past now."

Shuffling out of my torn and dusty outfit, I yell. "I can hear you out there, Kirei."

I cannot, in fact, hear him.

It is merely a guess.

Kotomine Kirei is an phenomenal Executioner, and hiding his breath isn't out of his expertise. As for heart, 'Does his still beat?' Last I check, it was replaced by All The World's Evils, was it not? Still, the shuffling of feet tells me all I need to know. "You want to get your new housemate, I understand, but you're being a fucking creep, buddy! Beat it!"

Humming an upbeat tune, I wait for a few seconds, then scream again. "Kirei? Do you have any sinful desires you want to confess?"

Again, I catch footsteps, so quiet I'd have easily missed it—like a cat stalking its prey.

I've successfully roused his curiosity, it seems.

Switching on the showerhead, I swiftly rinse away the dirt and grime, completing my shower in just a few minutes, scrubbing my skin so vigorously, it leaves behind faint red marks.

Personal hygiene does play a crucial role in making a positive first impression, but so does being on time. Quickly, I get dressed before stepping outside, and taking a gulp of breath. "Ah! Nothing like mold-filled air in the morning to freshen up!"

Skipping down the hallway, I try to locate Kirei's heartbeat, but it's still dampened, hence I attempt to find Gilgamesh's instead… The gender may be wrong, but the personality is there. If 'King' of Heroes knows how to do it, I'm sure she would increase the sounds of her heartbeats, if only to announce her glorious presence. 'Gilgamesh is good, but Saber is still best.'

As my heart thumps in my chest, I finally arrive at what Kirei refers to as 'the dining hall'.

"You know, just putting a wooden table in a storage doesn't magically transform it into a 'dining hall.'"

I remark sarcastically as I approach the two individuals. One of them is excessively consuming wine, making me worry about the potential failure of her liver at any given moment. The other is a gloomy-faced priest who stands behind the 'King' like a dutiful servant.

"It's the best I have to offer, your Highness." But he and I are well aware that they have far superior options, especially considering the fact that the richest person in history is seated right there, casually sipping on red wine as if it were mere water. "Had a good nap, I take it?"

"Could've been better."

I shrug and take a seat directly in front of her.

"Oh?" The 'King' leans in, her ample bosom brushing against the table. "How?"

She doesn't need to ask; the answer is clear.

"If you were by my side when I woke up," I reply, flashing a mischievous grin as I grab the glass from her hand to quench my thirst.

"Ah!" I sigh with relief, running my tongue over my lips. "That hits the spot."

Then, I glance at her from the corner of my eyes, resting my hands on my cheeks as though embarrassed. "Did that count as an indirect kiss?"

Gilgamesh lets out a scoff, playfully pinching my chin as her eyes flicker with excitement. "You're quite the entertaining mongrel, aren't you?"

"For the records," I quickly interject, gently wrenching myself from her grip with a grin. "I'm not particularly fond of feet; rim-job or anything of the sort. But everything else is fair game."

Laughing, Gilgamesh leans back against her plush seat, the only one of its kind in the room, adorned with shimmering velvety fabrics.

"I never asked, but what's your name?"

"Leonis. Leonis Magnus, at your service."

Curiously, she asks, her chin gently resting on her cupped hands, "What are you, Leonis Magnus?"

"Just a mere human, I'm afraid," I reply, chuckling.

The 'King' swiftly retorts, "I don't believe that for a moment, mongrel."

"In that case, find out for yourself," I respond with a smile. "Why would you want the answer handed to you? Isn't it more thrilling to uncover the mysteries on your own?"

If the 'King' of Heroes desired, she could have simply used [Sha Naqba Imuru] to unravel my 'Mysteries' with a casual glance. The same can be said for practically everything in life.

But a life filled with such knowledge lacks excitement and purpose.

What is the point if one already knows everything, after all? For someone like her, it holds even greater significance.

While mortal men seek thrills through the pursuit of conquest and greatness, Gilgamesh was handed everything on a silver platter, quite literally.

Perhaps that's why the 'King' of Heroes is so captivated by other larger-than-life figures, because she herself never had to struggle and toil in the dirt—born the Gods' equal as she is. One could argue that she did put up a fight against the Gods, but her abilities are not a product of diligent effort, rather an inherent virtue of her lineage. It is her birthrights, just as Excalibur is Artoria's.

Thankfully, I too possess my own birthrights as the 'bastard child,' as Obsession so eloquently puts it.

To be honest, it's quite a risk on my end to adopt the role of a 'big personality', but it is a gamble that seems to have paid off, judging by the expression on her face.

"Mmm, I guess," She ponders, as we sit in silence, blanketed by an invisible tension. "Tell me, what is your ultimate aspiration?"

"To become the greatest," I reply boldly, devoid of any trace of uncertainty. With the power of the System and Walmart Magic within reach, if I can't achieve greatness, then I'm truly without value. "At what?" She probes further.

"Everything." I reply.

"That kind of Path will drive you towards madness," Gilgamesh retorts, her gaze narrowing with disdain. "It's the response of someone lost and without direction, a route marked by countless disappointments and fraught with failures."

"So what?" I counter. All my life, I've been consumed by fear, too petrified of failure to even attempt anything. And if I can say one thing about living in constant apprehension, it is a life devoid of meaning and filled with the agony of helplessness. "What if it is?"

Even I cannot rally behind such a person,

How can I expect the 'Golden' King to?

How can I expect anyone? "In the face of madness, I will willingly embrace it. When Death comes knocking, I will meet its gaze unflinchingly. Even if the Sky were to crumble," I pause, my eyes fixating on the nearly empty glass before locking with hers.

Every protagonist needs a signature catchphrase, don't they?

This shall be mine. "I will hold it up. Besides," I throw the Golden a piercing glare, "I find it rather ironic that you, of all people, would pass judgment on my dream. You, who defied the Gods; you, who dared to challenge Death itself for the sake of your friend. You, who dared to do the most absurd of things, would make fun of another's aspiration for its absurdity…" My fingers clamp on the table so hard they leave indents on the wooden surface.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

I spit, more serious than I've ever been, utterly disgusted by her hypocrisy.

Every dream was an impossibility until someone finally achieves it. Even the act of defilement and desecration the Gods were once just a distant dream, until she did it. "Ha–" Gilgamesh chuckles, and I know then I have successfully imbedded myself in her mind, not as the strange kid she found in the wreckage—the aftermath of the Great Fire, but someone can rise to the top in the Age of Man. 'As long as I keep things interesting, Gilgamesh's threat rating will severely diminish.'

Subtly, I steal a glance at the hushed priest, who now regards me with newfound intrigue. Kirei and Gilgamesh both yearn desperately for someone who can illuminate their existence, yet their motivations differ vastly.

While the latter seeks mere amusement, the former wants only to witness the torment of others, for what suffering can surpass that of shattered dreams and noble ideals?

My sadistic tendencies extend only to annoying people and engaging in rough sex, but his exists with the sole intent of dismantling a person's mental and spiritual fortitude until all that's left is to see is a hollow-shell. 'I must tread cautiously around him.' A physical fight, I do not fear, but Kirei is the kind to stab me in the back at my moment of triumph, all while wearing a smile and speaking in riddles like a D&D Wizard.

"Watch your tongue, or have you conveniently forgotten my identity? You're stepping upon my Garden, boy,"

Gilgamesh begins, and despite the clear animosity, I do not miss the shift in her manner of addressing me. 'Seems like I've gone up a level, from 'mongrel' to 'boy.' That must count for something, right?'

"The water you drink, the food you consume, the bed in which you rest, it all belongs to me."

"Would you rather I grovel before your feet?"

II inquire, leisurely propping my chin on the back of my hands. "My aspiration is to reign as a King, thus I cannot—will not kneel before anyone else, even if that someone is the 'King' of Heroes. Such an act would diminish the Will of my Kingdom. I'm willing to stand beside you as an ally, but I will not subordinate myself to you."

Her facial muscles suddenly tense, followed by shimmering waves of gold—ripples which assert itself over Space.

The [Gate of Babylon] has finally made its presence known. "Kirei, let the countdown begin. You have ten seconds to reconsider your decision, Leonis."

"10… 9… 8…" Begins the priest.

Silently, I approach the coat hanger stand in the room and fashion a staff for myself, moving with deliberate steps and unhurried actions, knowing that only prey exhibits jittery behavior. I may not be skilled in martial arts, but I will adapt. "It is unnecessary,"

I assert, twirling the makeshift staff in my hands, poised for the Golden 'King' to unleash her attacks.

It's a risky move, but Gilgamesh has always struck me as a straightforward individual.

After all, as a Ruler, she has no need to mince words, and she must have met countless 'weasels' in the centuries she ruled. Choosing to stand my ground may lead to my demise, but retreating guarantees my certain death.

"I have made up my mind,"

I declare firmly.

"Last chance. Bend the knee, or I'll break every bone in your body."

"Go for it."

I reply, getting into a stance that will allow me to gather the most momentum to swing my staff. It's not nearly as awkward as I thought it would be—wielding the staff, I mean. Everyone has played pretend with a broomstick once as a kid, and I'm no different.

Yet, true to her words, Gilgamesh stays her [Gate], waiting for each second to trickle away, which serves only to heighten my anxiety.

Breathing in deeply, like the monks had taught me, I calm my racing heartbeat.

'Either I do this, or I die, there's no in-between.'

Finally, it starts— "1… 0—!"

Kotomine Kirei's countdown has barely reached 0, when the first Noble Phantasm hurtles towards me with a calculated trajectory, deliberately swerving away from me. 'I suspect as much, but…' I think to myself.

With a swift and forceful motion, I deflect the weapon, observing with a fraction of a second as it effortlessly buries itself into the ground and shakes the Church to its foundation.

Dusts rain upon us from above.

Glancing at my now slightly warped staff, I briefly consider reinforcing it, but with my limited knowledge of Magecraft, the risk of jeopardizing my only weapon and appearing foolish is too substantial to for me to attempt. 'This really is a test.' I conclude.

Although it is said that the Golden 'King' rarely fights seriously, she needs only send two Noble Phantasms, and my life she'd have claimed.

'Still—'

Confidence is good, arrogance is not.

Regardless of whether this is a test or not, a single misstep could result in my torso turning into a bloody pile of mush upon the floor.

Naturally, I'd much prefer to avoid such a grisly fate.

The second Noble Phantasm hurtles towards me, this time in the form of a mace.

The speed and intensity with which it is launched are noticeably faster and more powerful. Nevertheless, I manage to skillfully deflect it, ensuring that it does not reach its target. The wall behind me doesn't survive the impact, though, crumbling to rubbles in a mere instant.

As much as I want to try catching a blade instead of deflecting it, the shockwave alone would've reduced my hands to pastes. Thus, in order to preserve my weapon, which is quite malleable due to the cheap steel it was made from, I purposefully turn the other side.

The impact fixes it, but the third NP causes it to deform once more.

Then comes the fourth;

The fifth;

The sixth Noble Phantasm, and the inevitable finally happens: My staff has shattered to pieces. 'Fuck—!'

Yet, Gilgamesh still hasn't stopped.

Left with no other option, I lunge forwards, narrowly avoiding the spear in the nick of time.

It's the only path to take.

Retreating would've surely ended with me getting Robin'd with tiny bits of myself littering the grounds, or decorating the walls. 'I got this!'

Propelling myself by the floor and leaving a four-foot wide crater on the 'dinning hall', I launch a punch that strikes a shield instead of the Golden 'King'. It is not unexpected, neither is her grabbing my wrist. I may have breached the boundary of Superhuman, but Gilgamesh is two-thirds God for a reason.

She has wrestled with the likes of Enkidu; Ishtar; the Bull of Heaven;…etc. And if my memory has not failed me, her Strength Rating is A, almost on the level of Herakles himself. "That's enough," If I were any more of a simp, I would have thought the smile on her lips now worth the agony I just endured. Just blocking those Noble Phantasms has rendered my arms lame, probably for the days to come.

"You're untrained… Clumsier than those I'm used to, but you have proven your points."

* DING!!!

I hear the [Tree of Infinity] echoes, but ignore it.

It'll not do to reveal the System to anyone, no matter how trustworthy they may seem.

"Kirei?"

"Your Majesty…"

The priest bows in response to Gilgamesh's call. "From now on, you'll teach him."

The Golden 'King' did not elaborate about what he's supposed to teach, but I know—we both know. "Are you certain? He is an insolent brat." He monotonously insults.

'So much for 'your Highness', huh?'

But it's over, I've already won her favor.

"Are you questioning me, Kirei?" Her expression doesn't change much, but Gilgamesh's aura—once fiery and glorious—has plummeted. A casual glance from the current her, and even hardened warriors will feel shivers running up their spines. "I dare not, your Majesty."

The doomsday priest lowers his head once again, this time with a deeper bow, though deep down we all understand that fear is not what he harbors for her.

Kotomine Kirei is devoid of fear, except for the one thing that haunts him—the failure to bring about the Apocalypse. However, he is far from foolish in his pursuit.

Gilgamesh is as fickle as the Gods who created her, and if Kirei tried to fuck around, he might really find out. "Good,"

Her gaze returns to me, scanning me from head to toe, before she conjures the [Gate of Babylon] once more. "That attire is unfitting for you," She remarks. In an instant, a shirt and pants materialize from the ripple. "Go wash up and put these on. I wouldn't want anyone to wrongly assume I mistreat my subordinates!"

"I'm not your—" I start to argue, but she interrupts me with a cheek-pinch. "Until you're prepared, I shall be your regent and Queen. If it bothers you, you are welcome to challenge me, but…" Gilgamesh's grin widens. "I won't hold back this time, Little Lion."

"Very well." I relent. "A wiseman knows when he's outgunned."

Staring at the tattered priestly clothes and dust-covered skin, I sigh.

"I'll see myself out, your Majesty."

"You do that."

In the shower, I activate my System to find a new Branch has been unlocked.

[Warriors are mighty; Mages are intelligent, but the greatest of them all serve a King!]

> Open up the Ruler Perk Branch

> Cost: 0

The [Ruler] is depicted as a coated silhouette wearing a golden crown, seemingly in the midst of descent.

Beneath his feet, the floor is painted red.

If one didn't pay attention, they'd have mistaken it for a carpet, but I know what it is: Blood, as though to remind me of just how treacherous this Path could be. "I'll triumph, or I'll die trying." I really wish to buy the first Perk, but my AP has run dry. 'I'm so fucking broke.'

Although I suppose it is fine.

The annually AP is equated by (Perks + Branches) × [Branches], anyways.

The more I unlock, the more AP I will have to play around with at the start of the year.

Already, the amount I'll gain is 36 in total, and unlocking new Branches does not seem nearly as difficult as I had initially expected. 'Did I just jinx myself?'

Finishing the shower even quicker this time, I reach a place that resembles a living room.

There's no comfy sofa inside, just a bunch of empty chairs and an old television. 'Damn… When was the last time I saw a vintage?' My family was bankrupted early on in my life, so I was never used to watching TV, coupled with the arrival of a little device called, you guess it, 'smartphone', we never felt the need to buy a new one, but we used to own one of this bad boy back in the days.

While I was showering, it seems Kirei and Gilgamesh have moved location.

"Anything noteworthy?"

"Just news about the Fire."

Neither pays me any attention, more concerned with what's on screen.

"Speaking of news, we've been asked to house a few orphans. They'll serve as great—"

"No."

I interrupt the priest, before turning to Gilgamesh who raises her brows in amusement. "If you need Mana, I can provide you my blood, but you'll not use those children as batteries. I won't allow it."

Kirei twitches,

And the Golden 'King' grins. "You think you can stop me?"

Due to how chill she was, I almost forgot Gilgamesh came from a different time when the 'Geneva Convention' are just meaningless words and the concept of war crimes are about as present as snow in Africa, but she really doesn't see anything wrong with murdering kids for Mana, huh? "What excitement can you derive from them?"

"It is not excitement I'm looking for, it is Mana."

"Which I can provide you just fine. I'm sure my blood will be far more potent than theirs."

"A bleeding heart too?" She muses.

"No," The truth is I'm far from. If push comes to shove, I'll do what's necessary, but— "If I can prevent needless sufferings, so be it."

It's not like I have never donated my blood, only instead of money, I will be saving lives.

"Why? They'll serve a better purpose—far more meaningful than what most of them will achieve in their lives."

"Why not?" I return her question with another. "I heal fast anyways. "Besides,"

Taking a seat next to her, I chuckle. "It'll be a waste of my time if you kill them."

I did save quite a few kids from the Great Fire, and I ain't about to let my efforts go into the dumpster. "—Some survivors claim they were saved by a boy no older than 7."

All three of us snap towards the newscaster. "—Here's a sketch of the boy. Most of them wish to express gratitude for their savior, but thus far we've not found the 'Hero of Fuyuki'… If anyone sees him, please call this hotline—"

"That's bullshit!"

I rise from my chair, snarling at the simple sketch of myself. "I am way more handsome than that!"

The other newscaster, quite convincingly, throws on a sour expression.

"—Let's all take a minute to pray for the little hero. In other news, the prime minister has allocated a significant relief fund for families who have suffered the loss of their livelihoods and homes. If you have been impacted by the fire, we encourage you to register with the local authorities for assistance…"

I tune out the rest. "Did I just become a celebrity overnight?"

"What's on your mind, Little Lion?"

Humming, I answer absentmindedly.

"How to take advantage of the situation, what else?"

I do need money, and I doubt Gilgamesh, wealthy as she is, will give it to me all willy-nilly.

'Wonder what rewards I'll get?'

The best is probably cold, hard cash, though given the economic slump that's bound to happen as a result of Angra Mainyu's tantrum, they'll likely give me something useless like medals and titles… 'I can still use this to my advantage, though.' There is a reason clout-chasers existed back on my old Earth—the Prime Earth.

If there's one thing living in the Age of Information has taught me, it is that popularity can turn even a broke and homeless man into a millionaire entrepreneur extremely quickly. 'But what to sell…?'