Visiting the boys

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Ryder pov

Am such a fool! Yes that is it. I am a fucking fool and that has ruined me nuts .Because of the fucking jealous that I could not control at all. I have lost the only person that ever cared and loved me truly the way that I am.

Okay. She might not have loved me that way I wanted it to be but she has stood with me all my life. I mean , is there any other woman who could allow to stay with a baby of her husband whom he actually fathered with another woman.

And she goes a head and never gets into any relationship just to make sure that she dedicates all the life of hers to that bustard who is actually me.

What did I do , yes I think you all know what I did and how I ended up behaving. I called her so many things and yet o knew very well that all those things that I called her don not define her at all. I called her a whore- what the hell was wrong with me when I even said that in the first place.

Was I really okay ? I have no idea if she will ever forgive me about that. Then another thing that I regret was telling her off that dad was right to leave her. Damn it !God, what exactly was wrong with me when I said that.

That is one of the most sensitive topics that she confined in me and she went a head to assure me that I was not supposed to say it out since it was something that she was actually trying to heal from up to this day-guess what, I ruined the trust that she ever had in me and the pain that I felt in my heart was something that actually seemed like I could never be able to get rid of completely.

I stood on the door just as she got in her bedroom. I could feel her crying silently right inside her. Every time I heard her do so, I felt like something so sharp had been pierced on my heart. Surely I was to be punished for everything that I had done.

Everything that my big mouth could not control at all.

I stayed at the door for some good time hoping that she could open so that I could beg for apology from her but it never happened. I never got the chance to do so since she also did not open the door at all. saying that I was actually more like pouring water into a basket.

So distressed , I stood up and was ready to do anything that came to my mind without actually even wasting time any more at all.

I went straight to my bedroom and got my car keys and the got my wallet. I went too my car and drove straight to one of the hostels where my classmates live. I had actually vowed not to say with them for some time due to the things that they were trying to involve me in but I had no choice this time.

In the state that I was in at the time, they are the only options that I had who could be of good help and maybe help to calm me down –some how.

"Men, look who is coming." Cyrus, one of them told the others who were actually concentrated on watching something on the television set that is in the living room of their hostel. Peter and Sam the other two looked up.

Peter as usual flashed me his bad boy smirk that he always has each time that I meet him. Then Sam flashed me a gentle smile that defines him of course – yes, Sam is the good boy amongst the three and I many times wonder how comes he is even part of them.

We actually share all the classes with him which is not the case with the other two. I moved and finally was right inside the living room taking the empty space next to Sam. Unlike the two others who right at that time went back to looking at the television to watch their film, Sam looked at me with some bit of concern in his eyes . I suppose he had actually sensed that I was not okay .

I had actually tried to look okay as I did not want to be questioned about so many things which I was actually not ready to answer at the time .

"Are you oaky ?" Sam , just I had suspected that he could ask me indeed asked me. Yes, it was try I was not okay at all and had so many things that were playing in my mind but at the same time I did not think it was right at this moment to tell me about all the things that were going through my head.

Cyrus and Peter could just laugh at me and I am sure that in no time everyone at the college could know what was going on between my mom and i. the best thing that was worthy doing was to get a way of talking to only San since as I told you he is the only sensible one here.

Without answering his question, I pulled out my phone and typed a short message directed to him .

#Man, I am not okay at all. I have so much that is burning inside me and I really could like to talk to you.

I put my phone back the moment I sent the message and a few seconds later, his phone vibrated and he removed it from his pocket and took a few seconds going through it. After that , he looked at me and some how told me that we talked from some where else.

"Guys, I need to share some work with Sam." I informed the other two boys about a topic that I was damn sure that they could not suspect that I was actually trying to hide something from them.

"Whatever" Cyrus answered. With that , I stood up and moved towards Sam's bedroom since he had already ahead of me at the moment. My heart was pumping like crazy wondering if what I was going to do was something good but then another thing was that I knew that if I did not do this thing as quick as possible then I could end up suffocating just like that.

So I decided that I was going to go for it without any fear or favor. As you all know , there is a time whne we all feel that we need to talk to some one about what might be going through our minds at a certain period of time and that was the thing that I was actually going through at the moment.

I found Sam already sited at one side of the bed maybe wondering what I actually had to say to him…here we go.

Good readers, I thank you so much for reading.