Sunshines and Rainbows

Demyan

I felt like a bloody idiot for coming here without thinking it through. Every time Ethan and I met we were always in a public space which forced me to keep my tears in check or any other outwardly emotions I would feel towards him. Even though we were in his office and I knew there were probably a few curious eyes, it allowed me to feel as if for the first time we finally had space to breathe. 

It worked to my advantage though since we all knew I could not put a cap on my tears once they started. 

He grabbed what seemed to be a small remote and clicked a button which caused the glass behind us to frost so that no one could see us inside. It gave me some relief since it did not feel like every single move I made would be the topic of office gossip for the next few days. 

He then stood up from his seat, rounded the table and very gently kneeled down next to my seat. Ethan was so bloody huge that such a simple action from him seemed to take so much effort. His office was vast but it still seemed too small for someone with the amount of muscle he had and his height. 

"Demyan," he very softly spoke as he took my hand in his gently, giving me the opportunity to pull away if I felt it necessary. Yet I did not because once he clasped his other hand over mine, I felt a part in my soul thrash against the shell of my body desperate to just fling itself into his arms. 

Malia, I had to remember Malia.

I wiped away the few tears that had slipped down my face with my free hand then straightened my back as I turned to look at him. My breathing was uneven and ragged which just made me feel like at any time I would break out into a full sob. "Ethan."

"I wanted to come back to you. So many times I wanted to just drop everything and come to you because most times it felt like I could barely walk without you next to me. It felt weird moving around London with everyone's eyes on me knowing that we had broken up. 

I didn't even realise what had happened until it was too late. I thought you were angry and just needed time away from me. It wasn't the first time it had happened. We always fought and one stormed off for us to come together a few days later, yet I never got a call and when I tried to call you back you never answered. 

I felt too embarrassed to come after you at that stage because I knew what a jerk I had been."

"But you could have tried," my voice cracked as I felt my face heat up, "Why didn't you try harder?" He pressed his lips together and looked away from me momentarily. I could see the conflict in his eyes. "Is it because you got a new girlfriend?" I frowned, "She made you happier."

"It wasn't anything like that," he shook his head, "I didn't date her because I had the absolute choice."

"Oh don't do that Ethan," I sneered, "You're an adult. You can make your own choices very well."

"I don't think you understand my position in this relationship," he frowned, "There's not an action I can take that won't cause a ripple effect that will affect both our families."

"It's our relationship, not theirs. It won't cause any harm if we sort it out ourselves," I argued, "Why are you being so damn vague?"

"Because I'm trying to protect you," he defended, "Demyan our relationship wasn't all sunshines and rainbows. You have to realise that. No matter how much we both want to romanticise it but a lot of things were going on that you didn't notice that affected us both."

"I wasn't a child you could have talked to me."

"But you were," he looked into my eyes, "Demyan you were too young and the last thing myself and your parents wanted was for you to see the truth."

"My parents," I scoffed, "They supported us."

He shook his head as he stood up and let go of my hand, "I think you need to talk to them first."

"What do you mean?" I blinked. My throat dried instantly as I thought about asking Pa and Dad about Ethan. Just the mention of him would set an alarm ringing off inside their head which would do no favours for me. Pa's imagination would probably run wild and Dad's no better. 

"I wanted to come back to you before you graduated," he took a few steps away from me, "Yet I knew it would be wrong if I went behind Uncle Ed's back and Uncle Vas, so I went to go see them. It isn't my place to talk about it but I think you deserve to know the truth so it would be best if you ask your parents because no matter what I say or what I do will ever help."

I leaned back in my seat in complete bafflement. I did not understand how my parents had gotten involved in all of this. They never got involved in anything because they believed we could make our own decisions without them having to intervene. All they could do was guide us and hope we made the right choice. 

They had done that with Ethan and I in the beginning. It was my choice to date him despite my age and they supported me either way. Yet by Ethan's facial expression, I doubted if it was as clean cut as I had originally hoped for. 

I was not even sure what I had said to Ethan after I had stood up from the chair and walked out of his office like a ghost. I could not even remember how he had looked at me when I stole one last glance at him before I closed the door behind me.